Nothing Sacred

foreign

so

so

foreign

you

ladies and gentlemen when the morning

star summoned you to this banquet

i realized that there were only two

people qualified to introduce the great

man

we are honoring tonight either my humble

self

or that pearl among journalists mr

wallace cook

my great friend and star reporter

i want mr cook himself to tell you the

great feat he performed not only for the

morning star

but for mankind itself in interesting

our guest of honor in this great project

27 halls of learning and culture

27 arenas of art to be known as the

morning

star temple and for every dollar we

contribute

our guest has pledged himself to give

ten

ladies and gentlemen it is my great

honor to introduce to you

a prince with a heart as big as his

pocketbook

that fabulous and magnificent potentate

of the orient

the sultan of mazupan

peace be unto you my friends

peace and the blessings of culture

that's him that's my husband

so

well my fine oriental potentate

i'm not going to have you arrested i'm

going to put you on the payroll

as a janitor thank you sir

and i always want you present in the

local room

where my reporters and mr wallace cook

can

drink you in constantly

as a warning against fakes yes sir

may i ask hey mr cook a reporter anymore

i wouldn't like for him to lose his job

he was very nice to me

mr cook is not going to be discharged

your majesty

for his own good and the good of the

morning star

i am going to remove him from the land

of the living

yes

listen i tell you i'm innocent i was

just as fooled by old black joe as you

were

i believed everything he said just as

you did now oliver

either you cut out these fat-headed

monkey shines of yours and let bygones

be bygones

or i'm walking out of this fish strap

right here and now you're under contract

to the star for five more years you're

not in a position to resign

unless you wish to retire from

journalistic efforts over that period

oliver you're not gonna keep me pounding

out obituaries for five years

those are my plans mr cook

that's gratitude and the best reporter

you ever had

i've handed you a hundred scoops it

isn't fair oliver

it isn't human shut up

oliver right here i don't like to say

this

paper is going to rock and ruin with me

hidden away in that water cooler

look at this what's that poor little

working girl doomed to death from radium

poisoning

we've covered it covered it you're

getting old oliver

look there's one two three four five six

lines on hazel flag

a poor little kid with a few months to

live at the outside doomed

death staring her in the face what does

she feel what does she think

radium eating away her bones don't shout

at me listen oliver there's a story in

this kid that ought to tear your heart

out why is it why hasn't the star got it

i'll tell you

because i'm stuck away in a water cooler

on account of some whim of yours

listen oliver give me a chance will you

so help me may i drop dead i'll redeem

myself

i ought to be shocked for what i'm

thinking what are you thinking i'm

thinking that maybe you ain't the most

tittering imbecile on earth

i'm thinking that maybe you've learned

your lesson oliver so help me i'll be up

a month by morning i'll dig up a story

that'll make this town swoon

here's my hand on it

i've been through an infernal i haven't

been able to enter a cafe for the past

three weeks without the band playing

dixie

well that was a coincidence i've given

you my hand go on

redeem yourself thanks you won't regret

it

if i don't come back with the biggest

story you ever handled you can put me

back in short pants and make me marble

out of this

you throw yep

you know this girl hazel play yep

pretty girl right yep

or is she not in the hospital nope

just walking around laughing carrying on

i suppose

yep what's your name coolidge

no well if you aren't worn out talking

what is it

bulls mr all my name's cook

i'm from new york star i uh

going to be filing a lot of stuff at

your telegraph office here

i don't think you are but who says

peregrine west factory owns this town

they don't care to have any scandal

printed or if they say goes

better take the next train back kind of

a fellas is dr donna

he won't talk to you nobody talked in

this town

except me better go home

well if you don't mind i'll uh take a

little stroll and have a look at the

sights first

well i wouldn't talk to tall if i knew

was gonna do it for nothing oh pardon me

i forgot i was in vermont

morning sister

you in charge here yep

i've been wandering through your

fascinating metropolis for an hour

mind if i sit down here yep

i guess you misunderstood me nope

you know hazel flag yep any idea where i

could find her this morning

you're a newspaper man from new york

how'd you guess that sister you was

described to me

will bull can shoot his mouth after all

he wants but not mean or anybody else in

this town

this drugstore is run by the peregrine

watch company and they don't want any

scandal among the new yorkers snooping

around

okay sister how much do i owe you

well you've taken up my time

thank you very much i'm sorry that i've

tooken up so much of your time

sorry

oh

hey

oh good morning dr downer

yep is that his office

yep would you tell him mr cook would

like to see him

tell him yourself

dr donna yep

my name's cook i'm up here from new york

sit down i'll be with you in a minute

nice day yep yep what do you got young

man hi

no no hive a lot of hives going around

miss george and asher was took yesterday

you know her nope

where did you say you were from new york

i was wondering if you could tell me

where i could find hazel flag

from new york eh yup you know what i

think young fella

i think you're a newspaperman i can