Scream 4

- Hello? - (Ghostface) Hello.

- Uh, yes? - Who is this?

- Who are you calling? - Who am I speaking to?

Wrong number.

- Who was that? - Oh, nobody.

- Did you pick a movie? - Yeah. We're gonna go scary.

- "Saw 4." - Ugh. I saw that in theaters.

It sucks. It's not scary, it's gross.

I hate all that torture-porn shit.

How do you really feel?

Well, I like Jigsaw. I think he kills people very creatively.

But you don't give a shit who dies 'cause there's no character development.

There's just body parts ripping and blood spewing. Blah.

- Who do you keep texting? - I have a Facebook stalker.

- He keeps leaving me messages. - Yeah, like what?

Just stuff. Like, "Hey, what's up? You're hot. I wanna kill you."

So delete him.

I did, but he hacked his way back in.

So report him.

He's really hot, though. You wanna see?

That's Channing Tatum.

It is not. Is it?

Yeah, from his Abercrombie days. You are being punked.

- Hello? - (Ghostface) Who is this?

The more impatient version of the person you just spoke to.

I'm sorry. You don't have to be a bitch about it.

No, of course I don't. Eat me.

You hang up on me and I'll cut through your neck until I feel bone!

- Who is it? - It's for you.

- Hello? - Who's this?

It's Trudie. Who's this?

This is the last person you're ever gonna see alive.

It's a prank. Hang up.

Why'd you hand the phone to me?

You're the one with the stalker. Are the doors locked?

Don't freak out.

Let it ring.

It's from stalker boy.

He said, "Answer the phone."

For God's sake. It's a joke, Trudie.

It's probably Lexi or Karen. Where are you going?

To make sure the front door is locked.

No. Don't open it.

You're overreacting.

It's a joke, Trudie, okay? Somebody made a dummy profile.

- They're just trying to scare you. - Wait.

Who is it?

I said, who is it?

Let's call the cops.

"I dare you to open the door."

No, Sherrie. Don't.

No, don't, I'm scared.

Hey, it could be anyone that we know.

Lisa, Bailey, Wayne,

or the hopeful long shot, Channing Tatum.

- There's nobody out here. - (sighs softly)

What does it say?

It says, "I'm not outside. I'm right beside you."

Trudie!

Trudie... oh, my God.

Fucking kidding me?

What?

That was so fucking stupid. Pure horseshit.

The death of horror right here in front of us.

I jumped. Scared me.

A fucking Facebook killer? You're kidding me, right?

I guess now it would be Twitter. That'd make more sense.

A bunch of articulate teens sit around and deconstruct horror movies

until Ghostface kills them one by one?

It's been done to death,

the whole self-aware, post-modern meta shit.

Stick a fork in 1996 already.

I like the "Stab" movies. They're scarier.

It's not aliens or zombies or little Asian ghost girls.

There's something real about a guy with a knife who just...

snaps.

It could really happen.

I can't do it. These sequels don't know when to stop.

They just keep recycling the same shit.

Even the opening scene.

There's always some random girl who gets a call

that undoubtedly ends up getting her killed.

It's all so predictable. There's no element of surprise.

You can see everything coming!

Aah! (gasps softly)

- (gasps) - Did that surprise you?

It's your own fault.

Why?

- Because you talk too much. - Agh!

Now shut the fuck up and watch the movie.

Oh, my God, I love it.

I've seen it five times, and it still gets me every time.

You're kidding. I don't get it.

Okay. It's like "The Twilight Zone."

"Twilight Zone"? A movie within a movie.

I get that. But it's illogical.

It begs the question that if the beginning of "Stab 7" is "Stab 6,"

then is the beginning of "Stab 6" "Stab 5"?

And, if so, what is "Stab 4" about?

- You're over-thinking it. - Am I?

Or did whoever make it just under-think it?

There's a reason I don't watch these movies.

I can't believe you haven't seen them. We live in Woodsboro.

That has nothing to do with Woodsboro.

I-I thought you said "Stab" was based on true stories.

The first three, the original trilogy, is based off of Sidney Prescott,

but then she threatened to sue them if they used her story,

so then they just started making stuff up.

"Stab 5" has time travel, which is by far the worst.

Don't we hear enough about this story every year?

At least Woodsboro's known for something.

Did you hear that?

Uh...

no, I didn't hear anything.

I did.

Jenny?

- Don't try to scare me. - I'm not trying to scare you.

- You do it all the time. - No, I don't.

- Where are you going? - I told you, I heard something.

- I know you're trying to scare me. - I'm not.

What is it?

I must have left a window in my room open.

Could you get that?

- Marnie? - Yeah.

- Hello? - (Ghostface) Hello. Who is this?

Marnie. Who's this?

This is the last person you're ever gonna see alive.

- What? - (laughs)

I'm sorry.

I had to.

You bitch.

So not funny.

Somebody falls for it every year.

I don't see why you get off on this sh...

Marnie?

Marnie?

Marnie?

Good one, Marnie. Lights out, phone on the floor?

You know, you really should direct horror films.

Wherever you are.

Let me guess.

You want me to walk by an open doorframe so you can pop out, huh?

Okay, timing, timing is perfect.

But you don't have the app on your phone,

so you can't talk like Ghostface, can you?

Yes I can.

- Who is this? - Not an app.

Is this Trevor?

Do I sound like a Trevor to you? Think of me as your director.

You're in my movie. You got a fun part, so don't blow it.

- What movie? - Same one Marnie's in.

Only her part got cut way back.

But you, you're the dumb blonde with the big tits.

We'll have some fun with you before you die.

I have a 4.0 GPA and 135 IQ, asshole. What did you do with Marnie?

- She's on the cutting room floor. - That's not funny.

This isn't a comedy. It's a horror film.

People live, people die. And you'd better start running.

Marnie?

(woman screams, "Something To Die For" plays)

Working for another hour tonight

Staring at the wall and let the time just pass me by

You might think you know me, but it's all just a face

Trying to ignore when people screaming my name

When something's right

Then something is worth to die for

When I feel that something is wrong

Then something is worth to fight for

Don't say goodbye

Just leave an open door

I wanna hear you say

You give me something to die for...

What do you think?

Well, I guess today is the anniversary.

- (sighs) Kids. - No, I meant the display.

Oh. (chuckles)

It's good.

Told the owner I'd kill his cat if he didn't get it right.

Nice.

(cell phone vibrating, playing "Axel F")