Mr. & Mrs. Smith

Okay, I'll go first. Let me say,

we don't really need to be here.

- So we've been married for five years. - Six.

Five or six years. And this is like a check up for us.

A chance to poke around the engine.

Change oil. A place you look to...

Very well then. Let's bop the hood.

On the scale of one to ten how happy you are?

- Eight. - Wait...

Ten being perfectly happy and

one being totally miserable or...

- Just respond instinctively. - Okay.

- Ready? - Ready.

- Eight. - Eight.

How often do you have sex?

I don't understand the question.

- Yeah, I'm lost, is this one to ten thing?

- Is it like is one very little or is one nothing because...

technically speaking... zero is nothing?

How about this week?

- Including weekend? - Sure.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

- Describe how you first met. - It was in Colombia.

- Bogota. Five years ago. - Six.

Right, five or six years ago.

BOGOTA, COLOMBIA

FIVE OR SIX YEARS AGO...

Someone shot the barracuda.

Police are looking for tourists travelling alone.

Are you alone, sir?

Miss, your passport please...

... your papers.

Are you alone?

No.

No, no, no tres bien. She's with me.

I'm Jane.

John.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- To lodging bullets. - Lodging bullets.

So it speaks, but does it dance?

- Heya, stranger. - Now you're back.

Room service is out. I did what I could.

It's good.

I hope so, I had to milk a goat to get it.

Ladies and gentlemen! How about you, young lady?

Wanna try your luck?

Oh, we gotta two over here.

You know how to hold it?

- Little higher. - I know.

May I?

So we get something? Beginners luck.

- I wanna do again. - Again.

- Where'd you got to shoot so good? - Beginners luck.

- Stop, you only know the girl for six weeks.

- I'm in love with her! She's smart, sexy.

Delicate. Spontaneous, complicated. She suits my dreams.

I knew Gladis for two and a half years

before I asked her to marry me.

We had a foundation of friendship to the outer base.

- So you don't think this is all happening a little fast?

You know me, I never do anything

without thinking it through.

- What does he do? - He's in constructing.

He's a big-time contractor.

She's so fabulous!

He's gone as much as I am, so it's perfect.

Keep the whole thing six months up.

Eddie, I asked her to marry me.

- What? - I'm getting married!

- I can't hear you. - I'm getting married!

I can't hear him, stop hitting him,

I think he said something crazy.

I'm getting married!

FIVE OR SIX YEARS LATER...

Gotta get these filters changed.

So what did you think about doctor Webster?

- His questions run off washy. - Yeah, that's right.

I think he's psycho.

His office is way across town.

- We know the four o'clock meetings are right in rush hour.

- I'm not crazy about that. - So that's settle then, yeah?

Good.

- Oh, dinner's at seven. - Yep, I'll be there. Here.

I got a call from the boss.

So I got a call from the man, big high

assignment deal, you know how it is.

Excuse me sweetie, could you grab me a coffee?

With lots of sugar. Thanks a lot.

And where do you think you're going?

- The boss wants to see me. - Well, he sees you.

Look kid, people been working here for 25 years

have never seen him inside of that elevator.

Here.

- This is the assignment? - Now get out of here.

- Hello. - You're all wet.

It's raining out there.

- How's work? - So-so.

- Oh, I got a new curtains. - Did you?

What do you think?

It was a struggle over that material with that man.

- He got his hands on them first, but I won.

Of course you did.

They are big and green, so I think we're gonna have to

replace the surface and have a new rag, maybe Persian?

We can just keep the old ones, so we're

not gonna have to change a thing.

We talked about this, you remember?

I remember. I remember cause we settled on waiting.

If you don't like them, I can take them back.

- Okay, I don't like them. - You'll get used to them.

It's zero percent IPR untill March.

So part two, here we go.

Only this time you came back alone, why did you come back?

I'm not sure really. Let me clarify, I love my wife.

I want her to be happy. I want good things for her.

But there are times...

- Honey, would you... - Five more minutes.

There's this huge space between us.

And it just keeps filling up.

With everything that we don't say to each other.

- What is that called? - Marriage.

What don't you say to each other?

This is nice. Did you do something new?

- I added peas. - Yeah, peas.

Yeah, it's the green.

Sweetheart, would you pass the salt?

It's in the middle of the table.

Is that in the middle of a table?

Yes, between you and me.

- How does it start with him? - Being honest?

It's not like I lie to him or anything, we just

have little secrets. Everybody has secrets.

Jesus! Honey, you scared me.

I'm sorry. Was that for the...

You're going out?

Something crashed the server downtown end of the world,

there's been no one, so... yes.

- We promised to Colemans. - Really? I'll be there.

Probably it feels like you're the only

people that are going through this,

but I'll tell you something, there are millions of

couples that are experiencing the same problems.

We got a plane in an hour.

Sorry, where's the can around here for Christ sake.

- Hey you guys are playing poker? - Private game, piss off.

Could I sit in? You think I could?

Piss off, do you not understand?

Guys, I got the cash, I got the cash.

That's cool, man. You're cool.

This, you see? You see what I'm saying?

Anyone interested? Anyone interested?

Cause I clean out, I understand.

These are real nice shoes.

- This is an empty chair, can I sit around here?

That is Lucky's chair.

- Where's Lucky? I don't see Lucky. - Lucky's not back yet.

Then I'll sit here. Unless I'm too hot for you.

In the pot. Put them in the pot.

Oh, he's put something!

- Sixty dollars! - Again!

Let's play some poker!

What a hell is this?

- It's like you're out pal, thanks for the memories.

- You're Lucky? - Yeah.

No kidding?

So what, you're waiting for job or something?

You are the job.

Curst ace.

- You've been a bad boy? - Yes.

And what happens to bad boys?

- They get punished. - Punish me.

You've been selling big guns to bad people.

Mr. Racin? Are you okay?

Ah, Colemans.

He's dead!

Taxi.

- Hey, honey. - Hey, baby.

I didn't knew you got out.

- I went to the sports bar, put some money on the game.

- How did you do? - I got Lucky.

Welcome, neighbours!

- Good to see you guys! - Hi.

- It's wonderful. - Thank you.

- Come on, let's see the girls. - Don't get too far, guys.

- You wanna sell it? - No, no, not this one.

- Nobody thinks so, that's what Suzy says.

Ain't that the truth?

You guys have any place?

- Can I get you a drink? - Yes, sherbet please.

Girls?

- Daddy, daddy, daddy! - I'll be at the filling station.

Hey boys. Scotch.

- So Chat got the promotion. - That is so great!

We're so excited we can finally pay addition on the kitchen.

Oh shoot, not again! I need to bring coat.

You know what? Can you hold her for a second?

- What, no. - Please, it's only for a moment.

Please just...

Oh, she likes you!

I liked your dress tonight. It was nice.