I'm Chevy Chase and You're Not

- -

- Mm-mm. I'm gonna swap

- this water out. Okay.

- What the fuck happened? - Go ahead,

enjoy your breakfast. Don't worry.

- Don't mind me. - Enjoy my breakfast?!

Jesus Christ.

I have eggs or-- or cereal every morning.

That's what keeps me a little overweight.

Here, Pat, take this for a second.

Hold onto it forever.

I think we're ready.

You see, sir, we're not gunfighters.

We're movie stars.

He has this glint in his eye

that makes you feel that there's a big brain in there,

and it's ready to say something really funny,

or sarcastic, or edgy.

Listen, it's Glory, right?

You're a really nice girl,

and I'm a nice guy, and you're very pretty.

What do you say? Would you like to take a shower?

He didn't really have a lot of boundaries.

He was very, very free.

Drink this. And it's off to bed.

You should've been a doctor.

Okay, we'll play whatever you like.

His random lines just pop into my head all the time.

- You take drugs, Danny? - Every day.

- Good. We always

had this chemistry that was just always there.

Would you like something to drink?

- Helen, you want something? - No, no, thank you.

- I'll have a Coke. - Do you want that in the can?

No, I'll have it right here.

And now, for those of our viewers

who may be Holsteins or Herefords,

our top story tonight...

I immediately fell in love with that bumbling idiot

doing Weekend Update.

I'm talking about Chevy, not the character he played.

I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree.

I spent most days in between scenes

in his trailer with him and his makeup artist Lee

listening to the filthiest jokes I have ever heard in my life.

Little kid in the fourth grade who says,

"Hey, Dad, I've got the biggest dick

in the fourth grade. Is that 'cause I'm Black?"

"No, son, that's 'cause you're 19."

- I mean, I don't know... I could see,

you know, right away, this guy is,

you know, simultaneously talented

and very dangerous.

He has this charisma.

The asshole who you love.

Can I say "asshole"?

A lot of people will, unfortunately.

- Chevy Chase,

has he worn out his welcome in the entertainment world?

Yeah, he might've been nasty to other people,

but he-- he and I were like that.

You know, I was always kinda hoping in my heart,

it was like, "They don't get this guy,"

and when I met him, I understood perfectly

that everything I'd ever read was probably true.

Maybe you wanna come at me for a while.

The-- I will, Chevy--

No, no, come on, let's do it now--

no, come on, let's talk about my married life.

- I want you to-- - No, come on, man.

What about my shirt, you like it?

- Look, they're coming back-- - Quiet down.

- That shirt is coming back. - I'm talking, okay?

You like my shirt? Fuck you, fuckhead, okay?

How's that? Put that on tape.

I don't think he consciously

wants to be an asshole.

I think what the asshole version of him...

is somebody who is desperate

for something he either lost

or doesn't have

or just getting old.

I'm just trying to figure you out.

No shit.

It's not gonna be easy for you.

Why is it not gonna be easy?

You're not bright enough.

How's that?

Whoa. - Well, you asked.

I know you're not gonna put that on the air,

and I hope not,

but my answer is

I'm complex and I'm deep.

And I can be hurt easily,

and I react spontaneously

to people who want to figure me out, as it were.

As somebody who will hold up my guard.

I'm not gonna let anybody figure me out, per se.

I first met Chevy

in the dining commons at Bard.

I noticed that there was

this buffoon at the table

that would do very peculiar things.

Reach for the salt and knock over a water

onto somebody's lap.

Chevy often fell down flights of stairs,

and it wasn't by accident.

Don Fagen and Walter Becker,

we had a group in college called the Very Bad Jazz Band.

I was a drummer at the time.

As we emerged from college,

it was called Steely Dan.

I really knew jazz.

And I know what a great drummer is,

you know, and I said,

"Go get a good drummer," and I left.

Blythe Danner, that was my first real love,

was Blythe.

She's a great woman,

and I'll always think highly of her.

Blythe and Chevy had different paths post-college.

Blythe is a very skilled actress,

and Blythe's career took off almost immediately.

Meanwhile, Chevy did not take off immediately.

The man's name was Cornelius Crane Chase.

Now, that kind of implies money.

But he sure had no money when I knew him.

I grew up in New York City in a wine family.

My father started a store called Sherry Lehmann.

My father loved Chevy.

When Chevy applied to Sherry Lehmann,

his application, he just makes fun of the questions.

"Have you committed any crimes?"

"No, because crime doesn't pay."

["Every Picture Tells a Story," Rod Stewart]

I drove a specific truck, delivering wines

from Sherry Lehmann Wines and Liquors.

My brother Peter has been friends with Chevy

since they went to Bard College together.

I remember when he would visit,

if I spent... eight hours with him,

I would be laughing for eight hours.

Our great-grandfather...

passed away and left

an inheritance of, you know, I mean eight grand.

And Chevy took the whole amount

and went and bought a used Rolls-Royce.

Played big-wig in that.

He met a girl named Susan.

And they did get married.

And that lasted for a while.

You've been married three times.

Jacqueline was the first.

I thought there was someone before--

Oh, that's right.

Susan!

How could I forget?

Because I want to?

No, Susan and I were married for about four years.

New York was filthy, dirty,

and there wasn't much prosperity

in the mere fact that we could live on Madison Avenue

and Chevy on Lexington.

It's just impossible now.

His apartment was just horrible.

There were cockroaches everywhere.

At that age, somehow we felt like we owned New York.

One day, I was walking home,

and I bumped into Chris Guest.

He said, "We're forming a humor and music group,

and the National Lampoon Lemmings is producing it.

Wondered if you knew anyone funny

who could also perform with an instrument?"

So I said, "Well, obviously, you know,

we went to Bard College together,

the three of us, Chevy is an obvious choice."

And he said, "Yeah, why don't you tell him

to come and try out, but...

he's not my favorite person."

He was well-liked by many people,

but others didn't get his sense of humor

and thought he was an asshole.

And so I went back to Chevy's, and I told him,

and Chevy said, "I don't know."

Susan said, "Get out of the bed

and go do something, you're so lazy."