Material Girl

Sorry to interrupt your beauty sleep, ladies, but it's Fashion Week, remember.

You know, the show we've been working towards for months?

It starts in five and a half hours. So, I've got two words for you.

"Off" and "your asses". Where's the princess herself?

Oh!

Hello. What are you doing?

It's a big day. I thought you'd want a ride back in. I have the taxi outside.

How the hell did you get in? I know where you hide the key.

You really are extraordinary, aren't you? Thank you.

I don't think I've ever seen you with wet hair before.

Marco. Can you please leave my room now? OK. But I'm on hand today.

Santa's little helper. Thank you.

I'm just going to be in the cab.

If you would.

Oh, look. Sweet.

Ali Redcliffe is now the future of British fashion.

There's something I should tell you.

Yes? I don't do the R word. Just so you know.

The R word? Relationship.

Right.

But. Would you like to be my plus one at the Giles Deacon party tomorrow night? Plus one?

Just think about it, yeah.

Excuse me? Yes? Hi, I'm Christine.

Ali Redcliffe's mum.

Wow.

The Redcliffe family clearly has

Is she here? Ali? Ali hasn't worked here for six months.

What? Yes, your clever little daughter has set up her own label.

She's got her own show today. After mine, in fact.

Her own label? Yes. Now...

Something's coming back to me.

Umm...you and Ali, you don't talk, do you?

We have busy lives.

It's her show today?

Yes, yes. And the whole world will be there.

She's quite the talk of the town.

She's a dot. You're the global empire. She's a very large dot.

If I could just have a number then.

Who is showing on the same day as me. She'll get all the headlines.

Davina, you'll always get headlines, given a choice. You're the bigger name.

Given the choice? Oh...Orlando! Of course.

Her number? I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Orlando. Could you give Ali's studio number to Kathleen? Christine.

Send her my love.

OK. So this is a schedule of today's events.

We leave in 45 minutes, we have lunch en route,

unpack on arrival, the models are called at one,

into hair and make-up, we rehearse, and show at 3pm. OK?

But how many fittings does she want?

I've had two! Does Davina think I've put on four ounces since yesterday?

'We know that's impossible. For me, darling.'

All right, I'm on my way. All right. Yeah, I'll catch you later.

Just make it back in time for Ali's.

Chillax. How long have I been doing this job?

Where are you going? I'll be back!

Whoa! Hot!

What? Nothing. It's Chris modelling pants.

You can see all his peaks and troughs through the material. Don't look at it Ali, you might miss it.

Quite meaty, though.

OK. Thank you.

The van is here now, we can start loading. We've got a show to do.

Yeah, the Cossack skirts actually should have been in the van five minutes ago so...chop chop.

My mum's going to L-O-V-E this.

Your mum's coming? Oh, my God, what do you think?

My mum was born to the sound of Dior heels clicking down the catwalk. Try keeping that little strumpet away.

Where are the shoes? They're going straight to the venue. Silver?

Gold. Meems.

It's so now, Ali. Think yes, to gold bullion and no to stocks and shares.

It's a safe haven asset, Ali, and gold is hot, hot, hot.

I Love it. Fantastic. Right, I'm loading.

Great. Loading commenced.

You'll be persuading the banks to start lending next.

PHONE RINGS

Yes! What?

Oh, hi, my name's Christine. I'm Ali's mum.

Ali's mum! Hi. I wanted to speak to her.

Sure. Let me put her on. No, in the middle...

Actually she's very busy at the moment. Is she OK?

Yes. We're just getting ready for the show. You're coming, right?

No. No, I can't. I just wanted to speak to her about something. I don't have much time.

You're not coming to your daughter's show?

It's the biggest night of her adult life. I'll leave you a ticket. No, I don't want a ticket.

I can't come. I'm going to leave you a ticket anyway. Just in case you change your mind.

If you show up, it'll be a nice surprise for Ali.

I'll text you the address.

We'll be there in an hour but I'm sorry, I've got to go. Bye.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

That's even better. Mm.

You smell good, Mimi.

Oh. Thanks.

I will have it taken care of. Absolutely.

SQUEALS OF PAIN

Now...press send.

PHONE BUZZES

PHONE BUZZES

GROANS OF PLEASURE, PHONE BUZZES

PHONE RINGS

PHONE BUZZES

"The UK Fashion Council have just been informed

"that Davina Bailey's show will now commence at 3pm.

"A change to the advertised time of 1pm,

"due to a model missing her Eurostar connection in Paris."

But I show at three.

She can't do this. She's just done it.

Why can't this woman just let me get on with my job?

I'll deal with it, don't worry. Marco. No-one is going to turn up.

That's not true. Yes, it is.

You don't go and see Lily Allen play live if Madonna's next door.

PHONE RINGS Oh, hello.

So. We're on the catwalk at the same time. How thrilled you must be.

Look. It's nothing to do with me, darling.

I was devastated for you.

I know exactly what you're doing. You just can't stand the fact that you can't do this without me!

Oh, how the bells do ring. Look it's my name that has got you to this point and don't you ever forget it.

I have worked my backside off for this moment, Davina.

Look, I've got to go. I need to find extra seating for my show.

Forced to make a choice, it seems they're all coming to me.

Hello? Gone.

Oh, well, never mind.

Perfect. Eskimo chic, at its best. I just need to check the height of the pom-poms.

You do know you can't actually say Eskimo. It's Inuit.

I'm wearing Inuit chic? That's a first.

I'll get some more pom poms. Oh, and the answer's yes, I'd love to.

Hello. What's going on there?

Just I don't like going to fashion parties on my own. Yeah, right. Lydia!

Sounds like the R word to me! Oh, don't. It scares me. I do like him, though.

Alex, that is all you need to know. Change to the timetable.

The show's moved back. Three o'clock start.

But that's the same time as Ali's show. That's right. Whoops.

No, I'm in Ali's show. I can't be in two places at once.

You're under contract. You just won't be able to do Ali's show.

What? Whoa! Whoa!

I can't talk now. No, you will talk now.

I beg your pardon? Why do you do this to her over and over again? I don't know what you mean.

What has Ali done to you?

All right. I'll tell you. I've risked everything,

every penny I have to launch a global brand.

So nothing is going to stop me from getting every inch of column space in tomorrow's papers.

You are going to move your show for that? It's called war, Lydia. And I'm going to win.

All right. Let me call you back. We have just lost Lydia to Davina!

Oh, God, she's really going for it. Was that one of our chicken fillets?

Yes. Be careful. We need these for the show.

I'm sorry. OK.

What could make you feel better right now? Something...anything?

Grrr! Having Davina deported back to hell. I can't do that.

A bacon sandwich from Franks would be great.

Thank you. DOOR OPENS

Davina thinks I'm on my way up west. Hair-raising!

How has she done this, Alex?

She went to see that cute little PR at the Fashion Council. By all accounts it was...messy.

SQUEALS OF PAIN

What are you doing? Wh...?

Marco. What are you doing? Why am I suddenly locked in a cupboard?

Marco? Let me out! I'm claustrophobic!

HE BANGS ON DOOR FROM INSIDE In theory, you can go to the Fashion

Council and push Davina's show back. Tell them the model missed another train.

In theory, yes. In practice, no. Ali?!

Alex, I would like to say this sounds like a really, really bad idea. But...

We need to move the show back an hour.

Parcel for SW1? Help!

My desk. Is someone there? Can someone help me?

Let me out! Why won't you let him out?

Because the lock is stuck, we await the expert services of a locksmith.

How can I move the show back again? Davina will freak!

Just behave like it's starting at three. But it's really going to start at four.

Once Davina realises she has no audience, it'll be too late. Actually, it's quite simple.

Agreed?

All right!

I knew you'd come through. Don't push it.

I can't believe you just did that. I can.

Right. Everybody in. We are now 22 minutes behind!

We need to make up time.

I'll squeeze in here, then, shall I?

Lovely.

Are we good? Yes. Come on!

ENGINE STARTS

Yay! Yay!

"Due to delays still in effect, Davina Bailey's collection will now

"be showing at the even later time of 4pm."

Where are you going to take me for a drink, then? Somewhere nice? But no stairs.

You'll get what you're given. Now press send.

PHONES BUZZ AND RING

It's bigger than I remember.

I can't actually believe I'm here. You're here all right.

Wow!

Mum? I'm sorry just to turn up.

No, no. That's OK. Really, it's fine,

but how did you know I was here?

That would be me. Christine and I go way back.

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe you've come to see my fashion show.

Oh, no, sorry, I can't stay. I just wanted to give you something.

It's Joe's wedding invite.

Did you not get one in the post?

They really need to know numbers.

For the seating plan. The seating plan?

Funny. For a moment there I thought you'd actually... It's at the golf club.

Mum, you hate golf.

Look, I'll just leave it with you.

You're really not going to stay?