War Machine

Ah, America.

You beacon of composure and proportionate response.

You bringer of calm and goodness to the world.

What do you do when the war you're fighting

just can't possibly be won in any meaningful sense?

Well, obviously, you sack the guy not winning it,

and you bring in some other guy.

In 2009, that war was Afghanistan.

And that other guy...

was Glen.

You boys ready?

Let's go win this thing.

Okay.

So this is what I learned about four-star General Glen McMahon.

He was born to a military family at Fort Leavenworth.

Graduated West Point in 1976.

Ranger school in '79.

He had a graduate degree in political affairs and military history from Yale.

He was both a straight-A student and a troublemaker.

He once famously attempted to stick a lit cherry bomb

up his sleeping drill sergeant's ass.

He was loved by the men and women who served under him.

Three, two, one, let's go.

Never afraid to get his hands dirty.

Yeah, it's flash time.

Never willing to send his troops anywhere he wouldn't go himself.

He was known variously as the Lion King, the G-Man, Big Glen

and, most commonly, the Glenimal.

He was like a throwback to another era.

His hand was bent into a permanent claw,

like it was still clutching a World War II cigar

his modern, fitness-fanatic self wouldn't allow him to smoke.

After a successful stint

running the secretive special operations killing machine in Iraq,

Glen was appointed leader of US and coalition forces in Afghanistan.

A war which, as he saw it,

wasn't being won 'cause it wasn't being led.

General.

We're all very excited to have you here. It's an honor to meet you.

I'm excited to be here. Ain't that right, Greg?

Yes, indeed, sir. You're very excited.

Somehow, while he was in Iraq,

Glen found time to author a book on leadership,

entitled One Leg at a Time, Just Like Everybody Else.

In it, he wrote, "Men are imperfect creatures. "

Left to their own devices,

"all they really want to do is play with their dicks and eat chicken."

For all his many achievements leading special operations in Iraq,

I think most of us here will know General McMahon

as the man who took out al-Zarwaqi, who kicked al-Qaeda in the sack.

You're welcome.

We have a warrior at the helm, and it's a pleasure to have you, sir.

Glen was known as a humble man.

But humble in that way that says, "My humility makes me better than you."

He was famous for his Spartan regime of routine and discipline.

He ate one meal a day. He slept four hours per night.

He ran seven miles every morning.

In Iraq, he transformed special operations with what he called

systemic negation of repetitive procedural practice.

Or, to the acronym-obsessed military, SNORPP.

We got Italy in there.

That's the Dutch.

We got Poland, Macedonia, Ukraine.

We got Australia over there, Croatia, Belgium...

Okay, that'll do. Bite-size chunks, hmm? Let's knock this on the head.

All right.

Basically, he was a master of systems organization.

Which he'd kind of need to be,

if he was to corral this 43-nation coalition of the willing.

- May I help you? - No, finish your phone call.

The war can wait.

What can I do for you, General?

I want to pull everyone out of their offices.

I want to open this place up.

I came in here to speak with you about that.

I have only ten men to lead here in Afghanistan, huh.

So it make no sense for me to be sit out there with everybody else.

I get it. All right?

But everybody has a reason not to be out there with everybody else.

Austria only has two guys here. Iceland has seven guys.

This country won't fight at night. That country won't fight in the snow.

This country wants to do counter-narcotics.

That country won't do counter-narcotics.

But if we're in the same room...

Cory Staggart was Glen's executive officer.

Ran the general's affairs.

He was a Ranger.

Although how he made it through Ranger school, I have no idea.

That's great. Thank you, guys.

That's all the time we got. Let's go. Come on.

Greg Pulver.

General Greg Pulver graduated West Point in the same class as Glen.

Oh, that's interesting.

Does he have security clearance?

And hadn't left his side since.

Then fucking let him in

just like you would any other fucking person with a fucking security clearance!

His official title was director of intelligence,

but all I saw was a guy with anger management issues

whose life had no meaning without Glen.

Andy Moon was Glen's tech whiz,

providing the general with all forms of IT support.

Andy.

- Yes, sir? - Which Glen needed often.

- How are you? - Pretty good, sir. How are you doing?

Uh, swell. Can you come with me a moment?

- My electric razor is... - Oh, yes, sir.

Yeah, broken.

Pete Duckman was a Navy SEAL.

Like Pulver, his job title had the word "intelligence" in it.

- What's going on? - Boss is visiting with President Karzai.

Cool. Why so fancy?

He's a world leader.

Cool. Am I coming?

Yes, you are. It's your job.

God damn it, Pete. Why are you fat?

- I'm not fat. - I still, to this day,

don't know exactly what it was that Duckman did for the general.

It's a mixture of cross-pollinational collation...

Admiral Simon Ball was Glen's public affairs officer.

- Cooperational, uh, cooperative... - For three and a half years,

he'd been trying to explain SNORPP to the Washington press gallery.

With a centralized command

centralization structure, and, um... things like that.

Matt Little was Glen's new civilian PR consultant.

Oh, I don't know. Is this a good hand?

- He was a DC marketing hotshot... - Straight flush. Hello?

And sometime lobbyist who had thought

the war in Afghanistan to be entirely pointless.

Are you fucking kidding me? I'm not going there.

Until he was offered a lot of money to sell it.

How much?

And Willy Dunne.

- Right this way, boss. Yeah. - Willy was Glen's body man.

Put your things in here. I'll let you spread them out how you like.

Why is this my room?

This was General Whelan's room. It's got, uh, a great bathroom here.

Willy laundered Glen's clothes. He did Glen's ironing.

Yeah. Uh, boss?

He polished Glen's shoes.

He always seemed like he was about to collapse

from the weight of one too many of Glen's bags.

- Willy! - Yes, boss?

- Put my stuff in this room. - Okay.

Here to fight a goddamn war, not watch goddamn television.

Willy was the first person that Glen saw every morning

and the last person he saw every night.

Glen loved these men...

and they loved him right back.

I don't know how it looks to you, Cory,

but it seems to me, everybody's forgotten we're fighting a war here.

We got the goddamn Pizza Kings and Burger Huts.

The entire base is rolling with Eurosexuals

who are so drunk they can't even stand up.

General McMahon here to see Ambassador MacKinnon.

- Glen. - Pat.

Great to see you. You know Dick Waddle, of course.

- Dick. - Glen.

Ray Canucci.

- Ray. - Glen.

Grab a seat, boys.

I'm calling myself Richard now, Pat, if you don't mind.

Oh?

Okay, fine. Uh...

- That's fair. My apologies. - Hmm.

- Have you settled in, Glen? - No, Pat, I haven't.

Seems to me that too much settling in

might somehow be at the heart of the problem we have here.

Small talk.

Should've gone with the weather.

Glen, the president wants you to get the lay of the land here.

This war's been running eight years now.

President Obama, as you know, is drawing down troops in Iraq

to refocus our attention on Afghanistan.

Henry Whelan was a good man, he meant well,

but he just wasn't getting the job done.

Now, given your reputation and your formidable drive,

our hope is that you're the man who will get the job done.

First things first. We want you to make an assessment of the situation here.

Travel the country, talk to people.

At the end of that assessment, you'll tell us what needs to be done,

how you're gonna get it done and what you need in order to get it done.

- So, now... - To that end...

- I'm sorry. - Oh, you go.

- I thought you were finished. - You go.

- You sure? - You go.

- I thought you were finished. - No.

To that end...

Uh, now is probably a good time to share with you

where the president hopes that assessment might land.

Obviously, the endgame here is to just finish this thing.

So, how do we do that?

- Is it by reducing our footprint here? - The civilian executive.

These were guys who, in Glen's eyes, hadn't earned their power the way he had,

through hard work and discipline.

I don't know. But whatever it is, we want you to bring it on home, Glen.

But, whatever you do,

please do not ask the president for more troops.

No more troops, Glen.

These were men who'd acquired their power through charm and seduction,