Bob Hearts Abishola

I'm guessing you didn't see a lot of snow in Nigeria.

Never.

The first time was in that movie Home Alone.

What'd you think?

They should not have left him alone.

I've seen a lot of snow in Detroit.

One of my favorite memories from when I was a kid

was waking up early in the morning

and looking out that window, seeing everything covered

in a thick white blanket of snow.

And if they canceled school, me and my friends would

play in it all day.

- Why is that funny? - Canceling school?

In Nigeria, we would have terrible floods.

Homes would be washed away, and we'd still go to school.

Well, that's not fair.

Although it's probably not much fun playing in a flood.

Mm, no.

So snow is new to you. What else?

Electricity all day and all night.

Is that a problem in Nigeria?

The electric company there sucks very much.

Corruption or incompetence?

Yes.

What else?

Here in America, I am black.

Aren't you black everywhere?

Yes, but in Nigeria,

I never thought about the color of my skin.

I was just Abishola Bolatito

Doyinsola Oluwatoyin Adebambo.

Just?

Here, every time I walk out the door,

I'm continually reminded that I am a black woman.

I never thought about it that way.

Do you ever go to work or shopping or to church

and think "I am a white man"?

No.

Come to Nigeria and you will.

Black woman, would you like to have dinner with a white man?

- Yes. Justin Timberlake. - Come on.

But I'd also like to have dinner with you.

Great.

I had a whole speech for when you said no.

I got nothing for yes.

Something wrong?

No. Everything is fine. Sorry.

Come on, Goody, tell me.

I just noticed you are wearing Ralph Lauren cologne.

I am. How'd you know that?

Whenever my father tried to cause my mother

to be in the mood,

he would always wear Ralph Lauren cologne.

Did it work?

I am one of seven children.

Okay, well, that's encouraging.

Are you trying to cause your Nigerian lady friend

- to be in the mood? - Yeah, I guess.

I mean, I don't see any upside

- to just smelling like Dial soap. - You sure?

Dial is for all the moments we get closer.

I enjoy their commercials.

Um, I'm still gonna go with the cologne.

- May I give you some advice? - Please.

Nigerian women tend to be very strong-willed.

Very assertive.

Yeah, that sounds like Abishola.

They will dominate you unless you exhibit your own strength.

Well, that's adorable, but as a rule,

the ladies do not boss around Bob Wheeler.

Of course. My mistake.

- But thanks for the tip. - You're very welcome.

- Goodwin. - Hmm?

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Schmuck.

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Schmuck!

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Mm. Don't make it too fancy.

Why not? This is a date. A proper date.

After which, who knows what might happen?

Nothing will happen.

He will take me home,

I'll give him a kiss on the cheek good night,

and then try to get to my room

without talking to my auntie and uncle.

And what about me?

I'll tell you about it on the bus tomorrow.

If the date goes the way you say it will, don't bother.

Are you trying to make me nervous?

I'm trying to help you.

Bob is an American man.

He's not giving up a night with his "buddies"

at the Buffalo Wild Wings just for a kiss on the cheek.

You are wrong.

He'll be patient. He's a gentleman.

Too bad for you.

Stop it.

Maybe after a couple of glasses of wine,

you will loosen up.

I'm not drinking wine.

Oh, too bad for Bob.

What kind of car does he drive?

Cadillac.

- Oh. - What?

Never mind. You are too old for the backseat.

- I swear, I'll punch you. - Try it.

Ow! Okay.

How much longer?

Nearly finished. Another two hours.

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Here's the tax stuff you asked for.

Thanks. Just put it there.

Ooh, somebody smells like Playboy After Dark.

It's Ralph Lauren.

Maybe it smells different on him.

- You got a date tonight? - Yeah.

Your little African friend?

Yeah.

- Where you taking her? - Uh, Riverwalk Steakhouse.

- Oh... - What's wrong with it?

It's where old white people

take their parents for dinner.

Thanks, but we'll be fine.

At least bring her somewhere where she feels at home.

- Where would that be? - I don't know.

Someplace you can eat with your fingers.

Really, Mom?

Well, they're not the chopstick people.

Okay, I need to get going soon,

- so let me finish this up. - Sure.

- Have fun tonight. - I will.

I hope you know I don't have a racist bone in my body.

I know that.

I'd be so proud to have a grandchild

who looks like Tiger Woods.

Halle Berry?

- Good night, Mom. - Night-night.

What's wrong with me?

I forgot Barack Obama.

He's my favorite one!

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China said Wednesday

it would free the crew of...

The sock man will be here any minute.

Go put on something nice.

What is wrong with what I am wearing?

Tunde, look at me, and look at you.

Sexy.

Go!

- What is this? - A sandwich.

Those are not sandwich clothes.

That's a lot of perfume, bro.

Welcome.

Thank you.

Please.

You look nice. Are you going somewhere?

Just over there.

Safe travels.

Thank you.

Good evening, Bob.

Hey, Dele.

- You're looking sharp. - Thank you.

You got a little mustard on your shirt there.

Oh, God.

Tunde, is someone here?

Oh, Bob. Hello.

Hello, Auntie. Uh, these are for you.

Oh, thank you so much.

Put 'em in water.

So, Bob, what's up with you?

Just my cholesterol.

Yes, we are both unhealthy.

He's here!

Two minutes.

So, Bob, what is up with you?

I already asked.

He said his cholesterol.

Mine, too.

Hello, Bob.

Wow, you look beautiful.

You're welcome.

- These are for you. - Thank you.

- Tunde. - Uh, I'll put them in water.

- Shall we? - Yes.

Thank you. Good night.

Good night.

- Good night. - Good night.

He smelled wonderful.

Oh, I forgot to take a picture for the Instagram.

Wait! Wait!

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Thank you.

It's okay, we're from California.