Tokyo Zance

Executive Producer: Tsunku

Tokyo Zance

Directed by Takashi Matsuo

An Exceedingly Kind Country

Thank you for riding the Asakyu bus line.

This bus will stop at Otani.

Our final destination is Asagaya.

We will not stop at the Ishimatsu Animal Hospital.

Please make sure you are on the correct bus.

Please be so kind as to give your seat to mothers with babies,

senior citizens or the disabled.

Refrain from using cell phones

so as not to bother fellow passengers.

Please keep an eye on your personal items.

Please refrain from carrying hazardous materials on the bus.

What's next door having for dinner?

Then I realized he was a top gangster!

You're kidding!

I didn't know what to do.

Really?

A message from the Keystone Police Station:

Walking in front of the bus can be dangerous.

After exiting the bus,

use the pedestrian crossing.

Our excellent value bus passes are now on sale.

Please ask service provider for further details.

Next stop is Nekoya,

a bakery with 150 years of history.

Please push the button...

I want to get off here.

Wait for the bus to stop before alighting.

When exiting the bus, please watch your step.

Driver.

This is the terminus?

Look, I told you before...

it's not up to me.

These constant, meaningless announcements!

Why don't you take it up with head office?

I'm pulling out now. Please leave the bus.

I can't take it any more.

Ah, I see.

Surely you agree?

We don't need to be told to press the buzzer.

Of course we'll grab the straps if the bus sways.

And do we need those inane commercials

at every stop?

Yes, I see.

Theft is on the rise, be careful. The same thing.

I've been riding your bus for 20 years.

Theft has never decreased!

If it's always rising,

more than half your passengers must be thieves.

Are you hauling thieves?

Do we need crime statistics on the way to work?

Robin Hood, are you?

NO!

We only have passenger safety in mind.

20 years of that message.

and still no decrease in thefts?

It's having zero effect!

The same messages, over and over

It's brainwashing.

It's noise pollution. Environmental destruction.

So what are you suggesting that I do?

I like traveling by bus.

All I want is to feel good when I'm riding on your bus.

Ah, I see.

It's our duty to ensure that

every passenger rides in comfort.

I'll call an emergency meeting

to address your concerns.

Great. Thank you.

We aim to please our loyal passengers.

I appreciate it.

I should have come to you long ago.

Where's my seat?

We have an announcement to make.

A customer has complained

about our announcements.

He finds them intrusive.

From now on, they will be replaced by soothing music.

We hope you enjoy it.

Hello? What? No way!

No, this is a mistake.

It's like being in a coffee shop.

I didn't ask for this!

This will be good for the baby.

It's as bad as before.

There's this really creepy old pervert on board.

You don't care for Blue Danube Schmaltz ?

It's the Blue Danube Waltz , for god's sake

Is it really?

That's not what I meant.

I just wanted to enjoy riding the bus.

Hence the classical music.

There's no need to fill the void,

much less with music.

I want you to stop getting inside my head.

Announce the bus stops and forget the rest.

Understand?

Be reasonable.

You're obviously a disturbed man.

What's that?

Hello?

Please do not walk in the aisles

while the bus is in motion, it is dangerous.

Our final stop is Asagaya.

What in hell are you doing?

Pull the bus over!

Help!

Oh, no.

It's a bus-jack!

Me, too.

Don't do that to me.

God no! I've got a family!

Thank you for riding the Asakyu bus line.

Remember, lethal weapons are prohibited.

Any passenger with a gun,

poisonous gas, or a deadly snake,

report to the driver immediately.

If there are any senior citizens within arm's length,

please give them your seat.

Do it gracefully, so as not to offend them.

That could lead to hurt feelings.

Inserting your wrist in the strap

could result in broken bones.

So please refrain.

If the bus begins to vibrate,

please chalk it up to a minor earthquake.

Don't apply makeup in a moving bus.

You could put an eye out with your mascara.

Or end up with lipstick on your teeth.

If you use hair gel, don't lean against the windows.

It leaves a nasty smear.

Passengers with foul breath,

shut your mouths.

And no nose-picking, please.

Giving birth on the bus, or breeding, are both prohibited.

Well, everyone, have you had enough, yet?

Or do you want even more?

Do we really need a barrage of messages

spouting common sense and tips on manners?

Japan is far too noisy.

And it's not just the buses.

Japan is inundated with such announcements.

Please wait behind line 3.

We have to be told to wait?

Please stand to one side of the escalator.

Couldn't we function without them?

Welcome. Thank you.

Do we need talking machines?

IT Revolution?

It's a lot of nonsense!

The government too.

And that anti-drug poster.

Shoot hoops, not drugs. How many junkies has it reformed?

Television's just as bad.

The same commercials over and over.

Do we need a laugh track on sitcoms?

To tell us when to laugh?

Why don't they let us decide things for ourselves?

When I was young,

my parents taught me to be responsible for myself.

Was that wrong?

How long has Japan been like this?

Japanese abroad are targets,

not just because they're rich.

No! We've gotten stupid from

being constantly told what to do

Theft is on the rise, be careful.

Only Japan has this barrage of announcements.

Do you think it's thoughtfulness?

Or kindness?

Reporting live from Asagaya Station.

A deranged man is delivering a speech

from the top of a bus parked in the station square.

After two hours,

he shows no sign of letting up.

He has made no demands.

His theme appears to be anti-noise pollution.

It's not too late.

We can get it to change.

But you know why we won't?

No one has the guts to make a decision!

They're all too afraid,

they're covering their asses.

It's always somebody else's fault.

World War Il, swept under the rug.

Even on the bus,

we leave it to others.

Japan is a responsibility dodger.

Isn't time for us as a nation to grow up?

Won't you take charge of your own lives?

Thank you very much for your attention.

Think he likes going out?

Where are you headed?

City office.

The stop after next, right?

No, two stops after.

Yes, you're right. Sorry.