High Maintenance

So, how are we today?

- Good? - I'm all right, yeah.

- You like some water? - Yeah, sure, that'd be nice.

Can we get Guy water?

So, what can we do for you today, Mr. Man?

Uh... just a trim, really. You know, the usual?

You don't seem so sure.

Yeah, I do. I'm sure.

Here you go.

- What are you doing here? - I work here.

Oh, hell yeah!

Mmm!

Okay. I think it's time we scrap it, boss man.

Wait, why can't I move my hands?

Just relax, please.

Wait a second, you don't need to use those.

- Don't use those. I don't need that. - All right.

Oh, weird.

That was so weird.

Weird dream.

- Dude, it was like... - No, no, no, no.

I like you, but...

your worst quality is your dream sharing.

What? Are you fucking kidding me?

Your ayahuasca trip sharing

is something I'd like to nominate as much worse.

Oh, look! The envelope just came in.

Oh! And the award

for the worst quality goes to you,

for your fucking night farting.

Oh my God. You heard that, huh?

Yeah, yeah, I heard it.

It was super fucking loud.

I was asleep and you woke me when your asshole was just coughing up a lung.

I think this was like, uh, last year's Oscars

and there must've been a mix-up.

- You must've... - I'll be Faye Dunaway.

It must've been...

- Oh, I'm the Warren Beatty. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd like to accept this award on behalf of all the children

who never had a chance to night fart.

I mean, also I'd like to thank my colon

- who's always been behind me. - Oh, shit.

- Something bad happened. - What?

Fuck. No.

I think I'm gonna go to work early.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Jesus.

Oh, thank God you're working,

'cause I woke up to an email that was like,

"Hey, Brian, we really need you to come in today."

And I was like, "Did you read the fucking news?"

It's like a phantasmagoria of despair out there.

Let me get my wallet.

Yeah, it's fucking terrible, man.

You know my roommate.

- Hey, man. - Hey, man.

Oh, holy shit.

Damn, I didn't even recognize you, man.

Yeah, I, uh, I lost some weight.

Yeah, it's great. How'd you do that?

Exercise, and I, like, changed my whole relationship with food.

I've been spinning, running, weight lifting.

- Okay. - I've been eating a lot of salads.

Which sucks, but you know, at least I won't be the fat guy anymore.

I'm terrified to even go outside now.

Is that crazy?

No, it's not so bad out there, though, man.

I mean, everyone's being really nice to each other.

It's kind of like post-9/11, "We're all in this together" vibe.

- Oh, wow. - Yeah.

It's pretty cool. It's peaceful.

Okay, well, I'm not able to be

"in this together" with anyone until I calm the fuck down.

- Okay. I got you. - What do you have that's good for

turning my brain off?

All right, man, I have to go. It was great seeing you.

See ya, man. Good job.

Uh, God's Gift. That'll put you right down.

And, uh, Northern Lights. That'll do it too.

All right. Hey, Cody, you want in on this?

No, thanks, man, I'm cool. That shit just makes me hungry.

Churros? Churros!

One dollar.

Churros!

Churros.

Fucking monster.

Can you believe this?

No. I can't. It's crazy.

- Class is about to start. - I can't. I'm sorry.

Can't even can't without can, honey!

Hey, y'all!

How are you? It's a great day!

I'm Charles!

You've already done the hardest part: Getting here.

The rest is just pumping to the beat!

All right, everyone, I hope you're clipped in!

Starting, booties in our seats!

Hands, position one!

Who's feeling themselves today? I know I am!

Think of me as your therapist.

You are going to work out those issues in here today!

Push! Push! Tell your body what it needs.

Give it to it! Give it to it!

If you aren't hitting your target RPM's, you're not doing it right.

And what's the point of being here if you're not gonna do it right?

Am I right, ladies, or am I right?

I'm always right. Come on, come on!

Whoo!

Hit it hard! Go in! In! In!

I know, but I mean, I gotta think at some point,

there's gonna be some violence.

Well, all this going to the gym will have been for something then.

- Yeah, you're right. - Yo, but for real,

after today, I think I finally understand the struggle, man.

- Struggle? - Yeah.

What you talking 'bout Lewis?

- It's "Willis" dude. - Oh, right.

Right? Different Strokes.

- I like that show. - Yeah, it's pretty good.

You watch black shows?

No, it doesn't matter what you say, nothing's going to change.

You understand me?

Look at this! Look at this bullshit!

You know what I'm saying? This will not stand, man!

You understand me? Like, you think I'm scared of going to jail?

Yo, I'm more scared of...

I'll put this right here. Anything else?

No. This is great, thanks.

You're lucky though, I mean...

- you've got a British passport. - Yeah, but Brexit.

What's happening here, like, where... where is safe?

Where in the world is safe and sane anymore?

I don't even know. I really don't even know.

Ooh! Mussels! I love mussels.

Can I have some?

- Um... - Um...

Sure, yeah, let me just...

Okay, no, we'll put... Um, oh!

- Been a while. - Excuse me! Sir.

You... you absolutely can't do that.

Excuse me. I am so sorry. Let me get you...

They said I could have some!

We did say he could have some.

It's crazy, okay?

Excuse me. Everything's upside down now.

It is. I mean, the market's so much more volatile.

It is and that's why, if you have...

...saying she's too devastated to see patients today.

- Excuse me, miss. - That's fucked. She's a therapist.

- I know! - Excuse me, are you done with this?

Yeah. I didn't know they were truffle fries.

So, yeah. If you're not available when shit's bad, how the fuck...

SChef!

Hey, pick up!

I'll bring your towels now.

Oh, okay.

Okay, let me do the one next door and then I come back.

Be right there!

- Cool, thanks a lot, man. - There you go.

Thanks!

- Housekeeping! - Oh, shit!

- Do you think we're getting busted? - I don't know, maybe.

Uh, yeah?

- Who is it? - Housekeeping.

Oh no, we're good, thanks.

Dude, my phone is dead. Do you have a charger?

I don't. Mine is dead, too. But we do have that nice 2012 charger

if you've got, like, an i4 on you or anything.

- Totally not helpful. - No?

Completely not helpful.

So, uh, last night was pretty fun, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, that was hot.

I mean, I'm sure I'm not the first

woman at a party that you've spilled wine on.

You know, you could've just asked for my number.

You didn't have to ruin my jacket. I promise I really haven't.

I-I feel really bad about that.

I will get that cleaned for you. I have never...

I have never done that before.

Well, I promise I have never done this before.

Mmm.

You did, um... You did seem to really enjoy all the, uh...

the stimulation.

Oh. Yeah. Yeah, and there was plenty of stimulation.

You know, I think I could go for a couple more hours of stimulation.