Ugly Betty

Previously on "Ugly Betty"...

Hey, Austin, just leaving another message.

Don't really know how you're feeling.

- Tyler is not who you think he is. - Well, who is he then?

- He's your brother. - So who's the father, huh?

Now you tell me there's some little bastard out there.

Who could just waltz in here and demand his cut!

It's Meade. I want the whole damn company.

No more nice Willie!

Tyler, I'm Wilhelmina Slater.

- They're gone? - Betty, you look great.

You may now kiss the bride.

- Aah! - Aah!

What, are you stepping out on me before our wding?

I guess it's a little hard to tell us apart now that

I'm not wearing braces.

Yeah.

Okay, okay. Enough monkey business. Baby,

according to "how to plan a wedding in 60 days"...

We were supposed to have a wedding photographer,

like, last week. "Based on the popular blog."

This woman turned her blog into a book.

Meanwhile, I haven't even posted in over a moh.

Because I've been so busy at work.

Well, I hope you haven't been too busy...

To plan my bachelorette party this weekend.

Hey, I got my party planned...

Booze, boobs and a bus to Atlantic city.

You're traveling?

- Yeah. - Why does he get to travel? I want to travel.

Travel is the part that you have a problem with?

- Ay, please. Like he's gonna do better than this? - That's right.

Anyway, maid of honor, what fun thing are we doing?

Well, get ready...

Because I have scored us a private after- hours... ooh!

Champagne... wow.

Tour at the met!

Get outta here!

That's a good one!

- The met! - The met?

That would've been the worst bachelorette party ever!

Right? I know!

I was keeping the real party a surprise.

- Oh, okaygood. - You're gonna love it!

Shh! See you later.

Hey, Justin, you, uh, you want a ride to school?

No, sorry. I'm walking with Austin.

Justin doesn't walk.

He's told me a thousand times,

"shoes are for fashion, not function."

I don't know. You know, we, uh, we used to be friends.

I don't know what's up with him lately. Maybe, uh...

Maybe I did something wrong.

You're about to be his new stepfather.

That's gotta be weird for a kid.

You know what? This weekend,

you guys go and do something fun together.

That's a good idea.

And that is my parents in a nutshell.

Um...

I don't mean to keep harping on this,

but you don't have any news tracking down my father, do you?

Actually, I do.

I- I just learned that.

The rehab facility where we met shut down,

and, uh, those records can't be retrieved,

so we'll never be able to find him.

I... I'm... so sorry, Tyler.

Oh, it's okay.

So I was conceived at a rehab facility.

I, uh, guess I was destined to be an alcoholic.

I don't think we should joke about that.

Have you spoken to Daniel yet?

I tried, but...

He doesn't want anything to do with me.

I hate that you're leaving so soon,

and you two never got to know each other.

It's fine.

I came to meet you, and that part worked out.

Ooh! I could take hilda horseback riding.

For her bachelorette party.

Or, better yet, naked horseback riding.

You're welcome. Gross. And ow!

Well, I'm out of ideas then.

Well, all of your ideas involve nudity.

You're welcome. Stop saying that.

Oh! An e- mail from the trapeze school.

$1,000? Come on. That was my favorite option.

This totally sucks!

Are you talking to me?

No. I was talking to... never mind.

Oh. So what sucks?

I have to plan the perfect bachelorette party for my sister,

and nothing is working out.

It's just really disappointing.

Oh, well, I know disappointment.

My half brother hates me,

and I have no hope of finding my biological father.

Okay... perspective.

Well... if it helps, I've known Daniel for years,

and if you just give him time, he'll come around.

Oh.

If you'll excuse me,

I have to go deal with something annoying.

I see you.

So, uh... what, aryou on team tyr now?

No. Daniel, I'm not on team anyone.

Tyler is not a bad guy. Put yourself in his shoes.

Shoes? More like smelly, old cowboy boots.

- Okay, you're 5 years old. - No, you're 5 years old.

Someone needs a nap. We'll talk about this later.

Fine. But I'm putting you down for team Daniel.

As requested,

here is some clothing from...

The mall.

Ugh.

Now I'm not one to pry,

but you didn't exactly specify what this is all for.

It's for an important meeting.

That I can't be seen wearing cashmere and furs.

Mysterious. Still not prying,

but would this meeting have anything to do.

With your plan to overthrow the meades?

Yes. It involves Claire's recently revealed love child...

Tyler. Aw, he's such a rube.

And he's so hot. Must he be a part of all this?

He's just a pawn...

The weak link in the Meade chain.

I gain his trust,

everything else falls into place.

Ow!

Willie's being all weird again.

And you're being...

British.

I'm trying to look authentic.

For my trip to london with Daniel,

but it feels like I'm missing something.

A riding crop? A horse? Dignity?

Wow. Somebody's jealous. Yeah, I'm jealous!

You get to go all the way to london.

I have to stay here and figure out who I'm gonna take.

As my plus- one to hilda's stupid straight wedding.

Why don't you bring your boyfriend?

Oh, my God. I totally forgot I had that boyfriend trey. Troy.

I like trey better. Or Trevor. We'll talk about it.

I'm sure he'll want to weigh in.

You're going to the london fashion week, Daniel, really?

No, there are some big designers there.

You call it "the training bra of fashion weeks."

And you're only ever interested in the big, sexy ones,

so why are you going?

Is this one of those times where you ask me a question.

That you already know thanswer to?

The answers... you don't need to be there.

You're just going to avoid this whole thing with Tyler.

- Am I right? You know what? - I hate it when you know me.

So send someone in your place and stay here.

Reach out to your long- lost half brother.

Who traveled across the country to meet you,

- who you've been nothing but a jerk to. - Okay, fine, fine.

- But who's gonna go to london, Hmm? You? - No, I can't go.

I have to stay and plan hilda's bachelorette party.

I still have no idea what I'm gonna do.

She wants something big and exciting and fun,

but with travel.

Wait a second.

I can't believe it! A bachelorette trip to london!

Oh, my gosh! I thought your party was gonna be so lameass! Hey!

And it turns out it's gonna be badass!

Yeah! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Suck on that, talercio! Suck on it!

Oh, my God!

We're in london.

Ms. suarez, welcome.

Oh, you know my name.

Of course. We'reery honored to have you here.

Oh, my God! You are totally famous here.

Oh, please wait. I'd like to, um, tip you.

I'm sure I have a few extra pounds in here somewhere.

Somewhere? Uh, what about here and here and here?

Hey! And how about here?

You are workinfor her this week. Can you be nice?

Betty!

Oh, she looks so elegant! I know!

Eyes up, you dozy choob!

Hey, watch where you're goin'!

Yeah, yeah. Stick it up your fish pipe.

There's the drunk I remember.

Hi!

Oh! Look at you! No braces!

Look at you!

How's Stuart and the baby? Oh, they're good! But they're at home.

So how soon can we get a drink in this mama's hand.

And get this hen night started?

Well, there's an opening night cocktail party.

In, like, 30 minutes. Oh, right- o! Cheerio!

Oh, my God. I sound like a local, right?

Right. Let's go.

Yeah, right? Hilda, you're getting married!

These past few months have been the most challenging...