Mom

You know, this is the first time I've ever lived with someone

and enjoyed taking care of them.

: What about your daughter?

What about her?

Never mind.

So, you set for the night?

Yep. While you're at your AA meeting,

I'm gonna sit on that sofa and get happily drunk.

Alone, like a normal drinker.

Attaboy.

CHRISTY (calls): Hi!

Sorry. Traffic was brutal.

We better hurry... We don't want to see

Marjorie's disappointed sheep face.

Yeah. That would be... (bleats): baaad.

See you later.

Is tonight's meeting an hour or an hour and a half?

Hour and a half.

Got it.

Are you and the girls going out for coffee after?

Probably.

Anybody having any personal problems?

Jill bumped into her ex with his pregnant fiancée,

Nice.

Don't worry, I'll pace myself.

I know you don't like having sex

with a drunk guy after a meeting.

- Who said that? I never said that. - You sure?

Yeah. All you have to do is gargle,

and, you know, function.

Define "function."

Parking is available in the lot.

Please don't park in, uh,

any space marked "reserve""

Uh, there's no smoking or vaping

anywhere in the community center.

You can smoke on South Street, but...

dispose of your cigarettes...

: Baaa.

You know, we're late 'cause of her.

Oh. Well, then that's okay.

Why is that okay?

Because Christy's working two jobs,

going to school and being a mom.

How about what I do?

What do you do?

So glad I came tonight.

And now please help me welcome

tonight's speaker, Jeanine.

Oh, damn.

Hi. I'm Jeanine. I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Jeanine.

: Look, Bonnie!

It's your former lesbian lover!

So, so glad.

I didn't drink in high school. Actually, I was kind of a nerd.

Mathlete, debate club,

puzzle page editor for the school paper.

Yes, I could rock a jumble.

Thing is,

I knew that I had feelings for girls.

But I thought if I got good grades

and stopped watching Charlie's Angels,

they'd go away.

Then... I had my first drink in college...

An entire bottle of Strawberry Hill.

20 minutes later, I was making out with a woman.

Ironically, in a closet.

To this day, the smell of mothballs gets me hot.

Oh, settle down.

I drank to be comfortable with being gay.

And then once I was comfortable, I just drank.

Every time I thought I had a drinking problem,

I'd just get a new girlfriend who was more of a mess than me.

She's talking about you.

I guess my bottom came

when I took in a drunken, bisexual, pill-head catastrophe

and her adorable seven-year-old daughter.

Turn around.

But...

thanks to this program, we're all sober today

and we can laugh about it.

Right, Bonnie?

Lay down, soldier. You're dead.

I was so inspired by your story of how

you dealt with the tragic death of your wife.

I can identify, because I just ran into my ex-husband

and his pregnant fiancée.

You're right, it's exactly the same.

- Hi. - Thank you for your share.

Oh, you're welcome.

You know, when I was in high school,

I kissed a guy who's a girl now.

So I know where you're coming from.

Sista.

Drunken, pill-head catastrophe?

Well, when I saw you sitting there, I thought I'd nice it up.

Well, if you're gonna tell that story again,

mention the heroin... I've got a reputation to protect.

You got it.

And I'm not bisexual. I'm just... easy-going.

Whatever you say.

- Hi. - Hi!

You were wonderful!

Christy Cracker Jack.

This was such a nice surprise!

Honey, it is always great to see you.

Hey, a bunch of us go out for coffee

after the meeting... You want to join?

Is that okay with you, Bon?

Of course. I'm... easy-going.

Why do you torture her?

It's fun!

So, Jeanine, how long have you been sober?

28 years.

Wow. Impressive.

Thank you. How about you?

Thirty-four.

Terrific. You sponsor a lot of people?

Not many.

Twelve.

Nineteen.

Last year, they all chipped in and sent me to Cabo.

That's nice. I help people for fun and for free.

Ooh... sponsor cage match.

This is delicious.

I should bring a piece home for Adam.

Adam? There's a man in your life?

Oh.

Yes, there is.

Good for you.

It is good for me... Twice a night

and once in the morning.

So you're slowing down in your old age?

So, Christy, how's college?

Couldn't be better.

I'm taking four classes and just loving it.

- Liar. - What?

You just did that hair-tuck thing

behind your hair... That's your tell.

Ever since you were

a little girl, whenever you tucked your hair

behind your ear, I knew you were lying.

- Really? I do that? - Yeah. You always have.

Is that why I could never beat you at poker?

Probably more that you were seven, but yeah.

Actually, I am kind of struggling at school.

I knew about the hair-tucking, too.

No, you didn't. What's going on?

It's just a ton of work.

Plus, I'm pulling in double shifts at the restaurant.

Every day I go to bed tired and wake up exhausted.

I really did know about the hair-tucking thing.

How about I put this bee in your bonnet.

Maybe instead of killing yourself to become a lawyer,

you can come work with me.

In real estate?

But I've wanted to be a lawyer since I was a little girl.

No, you haven't. I was there when you were a little girl,

and you wanted to be Smurfette.

Way to go... Remind her of other dreams

that didn't come true.

Look, in six months you can get your real estate license

and be pulling in a lot of money.

And while you're studying for your license...

Which you can do online... You can come work in my office.

What are you doing?

I'm offering her an opportunity.

Nobody asked you to fix what isn't broken.

Actually, I'm pretty broken.

You're just trying to make her into you.

And would that be so wrong? I mean, come on,

I have a beach house and a Tesla.

Oh, nice. I have a beach house, too.

You never told us you had a beach house.

Uh, no. No, I did not.

Bonnie, I do not understand why you're so threatened by this.

Yeah? Well, I don't, either.

Just for the record, I really did know

about the hair-tucking... I just never told you,

'cause I needed to know when you were lying.

Hey, Mom...

I love you.

Aw. I love you, too.

And I know you a lot better than Jeanine.

I know that staying in school

is better than her stupid real estate nonsense.

- I cry every morning in the shower. - Oh, who doesn't?

: Hey, baby. Did you have fun not drinking?

What are you doing up so early?

I didn't want to throw up in bed.

Well, aren't you considerate.

I take it you didn't get lucky last night.

You'd have to ask your mother.

I'm not even sure why I asked you.

- Hey, stud. - That'd be a yes.

Was that you I heard painting the toilet?

Be nice to him. It could've been on your back.

Here you go.

Bonnie Plunkett's world-famous hangover cure.