Another Period

Previously on "Another Period"...

I was kidnapped

and I was forced to have sex on camera.

Ah. You've come for me.

- Beatrice. - Beatrice.

Beatrice, you're a slut. Smile.

Beatrice is a vacant, useless whore,

and that's all she'll ever be.

You're just jealous because I'm a star and you're not.

What's the point of living

when Beatrice is famous and I'm not?

Oh, Cutie, what's the point of anything

when people you don't even care about

don't know your name or anything about you?

Let's kill ourselves together.

Going to miss our custom-made suicide outfits.

Come get me, train.

- Ah. - What in....

Hey, if you're trying to kill yourself,

this train ain't coming through here again till Tuesday.

Shit.

Here, give this a read. Kill some time.

I apologize for its stickiness, but that Beatrice Bellacourt...

ooh, she makes it flow, if you feel me, huh?

Oh, and you might want to try lying diagonal.

Train'll shred you up real good that way.

Worked on my wife.

"Lucky Chang's Casino." _

It's a sign.

Who was that dirty angel?

Cutie, there's no problem that gambling can't solve.

Chinese-town, here we come.

How about this one, Mother?

Eww. Still too gummy.

This is how a lady smiles.

Faces are hard.

Eww. Frederick got present skin on me. Get it off.

Get it off.

- Very sorry, Madam. - Ugh.

Master Frederick, where did you get all these presents?

Oh, these are simply expensive gifts that I'm accepting

in exchange for political favors.

This one is from the Buffalo Society.

They want to put a buffalo on the new nickel,

and they need my vote.

There's going to be a new design on the nickel?

Beatrice.

This is the chance we've been waiting for.

You know I was the original model

for the Statue of Liberty.

You're not green, Mother.

Of course, I didn't get to be the statue.

I missed my chance.

But I won't miss yours.

Beatrice, you're going to be on money.

Beatrice.

I wasn't, I wasn't.

I was just sitting here.

I've come to drown my sorrows

in the sweet delights of the game of chance.

Is this Lucky Chang's Casino?

Welcome to America.

Hello.

I'm rich.

Do you speak English?

Is this the right place?

Luck be a lady. You, my dear, are beautiful.

I know that look.

Sibling problems?

You wouldn't understand.

You'd be surprised.

Perhaps a game of Fan Tan would cheer you up?

Why don't you stay and play with us?

"Us"?

I'm Chang.

This is Eng.

Hi.

Guess how many spines we have.

It's two,

and then one, and then two again.

Mm... Siamese.

If Beatrice is going to get on the nickel,

she needs to look her best.

So I've ordered the latest in beautification technology

for her makeover.

The goal is to make you look as much like

a corpse as possible without actually killing you.

What is this thing, anyway?

Oh, it's an X-ray machine.

It takes pictures of your bones.

That's what servants use it for.

Real people use it to make their skin pale and sallow.

Garfield, stop looking at my bones,

you pervert.

I would... I wouldn't never...

I would never look at anyone's bones.

What are you doing?

Just figuring out how much cyanide to inject you with.

Oh, for God's sake, man, just eyeball it.

The poison will bring out the ocean-blue color in your veins.

Oh! Oh, it burns, it burns.

Garfield, is the bee box ready?

- Mm-hmm. - There's a buzzy in there?

Ah. To make your lips fuller.

This will make you appear more

willing and fertile.

Presenting the new Beatrice.

Oh.

Beatrice, you look positively cadaverous.

I... I know. It's like, is she dead already?

Let me see.

Mother, I never thought I could look so beautiful.

And it only hurt a lot.

Beauty is as painful as childbirth,

dear, but far more rewarding.

I believe you're ready.

I'll arrange an artist to draw your entry

for the nickel competition.

Oh, thank you, Mother.

- What? - Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank... thank you, Mother.

Choo-choo.

Thank you.

Tink ee.

Thank you, Mother.

Crimps.

Thank you, Mother.

It seems that people only value me for the way I look,

which is great, because I thought I had no value.

Ow.

Winning number is four.

Oh. I won.

Just like that.

This is almost as easy as being born rich and beautiful.

That's the magic of Fan Tan.

Where the wand goes, the money grows.

I don't need money.

Oh, you don't play Fan Tan for the money.

You play it for the rush.

If we really wanted

to make money, we should have went to podiatry school.

Okay.

Enough about the podiatry school.

Feet are recession-proof.

It's a lost art

that some people don't appreciate.

Shh.

We actually play Fan Tan to forget our troubles.

I totally understand.

I have troubles, too.

My sister is famous.

Beatrice Bellacourt?

Oh, I've... I've never heard of her.

You haven't? Really?

Oh, that's great news.

Yes, you have, Chang.

We just saw her movie.

I said I never heard of her.

Beatrice Bellacourt is your sister?

Whew, she has beautiful blonde hair.

But you have dark hair, like a Chinese woman.

But you also have white skin, like a white woman.

Worst of both worlds.

Being the Vice President of the "Oosa" has its advantages,

and one of those is getting my own copy

of Beatrice's erotic nickelodeon.

I've got my Italian oil,

my velvet sperm catcher,

and my carafe of cocoa.

Finally.

Oh.

God...

Freddie? What's going on in there?

Oh. Uh, nothing.

Uh, g... uh, I wasn't doing anything.

Just one second.

Just one second.

One second.

Just one second.

Just one second.

One second.

Just one second. One second.

Just one second.

Just one second.

Uh, just one second.

Oh.

What are you doing in here?

I... well, I was masturbating.

No.

I... wasn't... I was...

Masturbating...

to a moving picture of my sister.

No. I was not. I was, uh...

Oh, think of something. I was...

I... you see this?

I was... Maass...

Tur...

Bating.

Oh, whew.