Hot Tamale

Come on, boys.

Get him out of there. Yeah, there we go.

Bring him on up here.

He's a goner.

Yep, definitely Buc Woodriff. Goddammit!

Unbelievable. This is the third fishing accident this year.

Shit.

I was kinda hoping it'd be Rusty Boyd. Curtis!

Would you step back, please.

Rusty Boyd?

Rusty's been banging his wife.

No shit?

So what do you think?

I gotta be honest, boss. I thought he was a Bud man.

Yeah. I think he went for a cold one and slipped in a hole. End of story.

Sounds good to me.

Here comes the family.

- You want me to take care of them? - No.

You wait here.

You don't have to look at me like that.

Come on, fellers, get this guy covered up.

Folks...

I'm afraid it's not good news.

Is he dead?

Step back! Step back!

If it's any comfort to you, it was a peaceful passing.

Thank God.

Follow me, please.

Peaceful my ass.

Poor bastard.

Must have froze on impact.

He's still a good looking man.

As I stand here looking at my father's lifeless body.

I wish I could feel something, but all I feel is cold.

Dad,

I'd like to have his wedding ring.

Well...

it's froze stuck.

Oh shit!

Let me help you with that.

Since my first waking memory, I've been asking myself the same question:

- Here! Got it! - Who are these people?

It was a good idea. It's gold.

Bye, bye, Buc.

I can't help but think that somehow in the grand scheme of things

- I've ended up in the wrong family. - Is somebody gonna come get him?

I certainly hope so.

They always come and get him. Are you just gonna let him lay out here on the ice-

- like a dang frozen cod? - No.

I've always tried to blend in.

Run! Run for your life!

What the hell's wrong with you, boy!

Buc, why do you always you have to do....

I've had enough of you, woman!

Don't go! Buc!

Buc!

- Buc, no! Don't go! - Let go of me.

Don't go, please. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

As I pondered my future of manure, rifle racks and a six-pack,

the idea of death by a Rototiller was looking better by the minute.

But then...

Caesar arrived.

The Taco tucker's here.

Caesar was an exchange student from Puerto Rico.

We had absolutely nothing in common.

Or... so I thought.

Hey, Caesar!

Ooh, sorry... I gotta know. Who is that?

- What's your name? - Bitsy!

- It's Bitsy. - No. Who's playing?

I don't know.

Well, what kind of music is that?

Harlan, it's salsa. Now get out.

I was only kidding. I know your name.

Nice to meet you...

Bitsy.

Salsa.

Now that I think about it,

my father never even heard me play.

But maybe that was a good thing.

Mom, grandpa, I'm leaving.

That's fine, dear. Will you be home for dinner?

No. I'm going to Los Angeles.

- California? - Yeah.

Oh.

Why in the hell would you wanna go out to a cesspool like that?

I want to play salsa in a band, a real band.

That's nice, dear

That's the dumbest damn thing I ever heard of. Pass the margarine.

Why in the hell can't we get butter on this table once in a while?

Damn margarine?

Excuse me, sir.

Can I trouble you for some coffee?

Thanks.

Doughnut?

Sure.

Got a light?

Oh, I'm sorry. I though no one was sitting there.

Well, clearly I am.

Hey, I was just messing with you.

- Where are you from? - Wyoming.

Wyoming. Where men are men, and sheep are nervous.

Yeah.

Actually, there are a lot more cows than sheep.

They're even raising ostriches now.

You mean like Big Bird?

- Kinda. - No shit.

Why?

They are the new red meat.

But I hear it taste more like chicken.

- That's really disturbing. - I'm sorry...

- Did you ever eat one? - No.

No.

Good. That's good.

- I'd better be hitting the road. - Where are you headed?

- LA. - Yeah? Where you staying?

In Venice. With a friend.

What's his name? Maybe I know him.

- I don't think you know him. - I know a lot of people.

- Caesar Lopez. - Caesar Lopez. Never heard of him.

Did you ever feel like you just had to get away? Start things over, you know?

- Did you ever feel like that? - Yeah, yeah, I do.

Well, that's what I'm trying to do.

You never saw me, right?

Excuse me, um... How much do I owe you?

Where's your friend?

I don't have a friend. I'm here alone.

Who's driving the motherfucking Fastback?

You got me. The cook?

Dwayne, why don't you check it out, and I'll keep our new buddy company.

- Let me buy you another doughnut? - No.

I'm fine. Thank you.

I insist.

That's unappetizing.

You know, someone should report this fucking dive to the health department.

How about a bagel?

I... think I'm gonna be leaving now.

Hey, kid. Wait a minute.

You're not gonna get very far without these.

Slow down!

Slow down! Slow down! Break!

Jesus Christ! Give me a dollar.

- No! - Give me a dollar!

- I want a dollar. You tried to kill me. - God, I'm sorry.

- I didn't see you. I'm sorry. - No, no, no.

You tried to kill me. Give me the dollar.

I want a dollar, I want a dollar now. Give me a dollar. You tried to kill me.

Give me the damn dollar! Get the hell outta here!

Shit.

Let me in. Come on, let me in.

Harlan...

Get your Wyoming ass up here.

All right. I'm coming.

Hey, you're here. How was your trip? You look like shit.

I pulled an all nighter 18 hours straight.

You need a shower and a shot of tequila.

- Come on. I'll help you with your stuff. - Cool.

Okay. That's it for now.

Are you crazy? This ain't Wyoming. Don't be leaving any shit in your car.

They'll steal your ass blind.

- No more, no more - Harlan, don't be a pussy.

All right, just a half.

- You don't like my tequila? - All right, fill her up. I'm in LA.

- What the hell? - That's right. You're in LA. Salute.

Cheers.

- It's good to see you, my brother. - You too.

So what do you think of the paintings? Impressive, no?

They're nice.

Very realistic. Are they photographs?

What? No, man. I painted them.

I was thinking about sending one to your family. You know, a little thank you for taking me in.

I was thinking maybe this one.

It's perfect.

Oh, hey, hey...

My mom sent you some of her corn relish.

- I love this shit. - I know.

Tell her I said thank you, please.

- You want some? - No.

I'm sorry about your dad.

Thanks.

You know, we hadn't seen him for a couple of years, so...

That doesn't make it any easier.

No. I guess not.

Hey, we don't have to talk about it. Okay?

How about this, man? Nice, huh?

- Come on. Dance with me. - Oh, shit.

"Shit"? Why not dance with me.

- Come on. - I'm tired.

- I need to sleep. - Tired? Come on.

No, no, no, no.

I've been driving 18 hours. Caesar...

This is way too gay.

What? Man, I'm getting you ready for the ladies.

Hey, you take advantage of my genius while you have the chance,

- because I am leaving tomorrow. - Wait, what? Where are you going?

New York!

- And don't tell anybody. - Why? What's in New York?

A gallery owner is interested in my work.

And if anybody asks, just tell them I stepped out.