Parks and Recreation

- OH, GOODY, YOU'RE ALL HERE.

NOW I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO

TALK ABOUT MY CAMPAIGN IN THE OFFICE,

BUT LAST NIGHT I MADE A DECISION

ABOUT WHO SHOULD BE MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

THIS IS A HUGE JOB.

THIS IS GOING TO REQUIRE A LOT OF LATE NIGHT,

ONE-ON-ONE JAM SESSIONS WITH ME,

AND WE'RE GOING TO BOUNCE IDEAS OFF OF EACH OTHER,

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE CALLS FOR ME,

ANY TIME, DAY OR NIGHT.

THE PERSON I HAVE CHOSEN IS, DRUM ROLL PLEASE,

ANN PERKINS! YAY! GIVE IT UP FOR ANN!

GOOD CHOICE.

- LESLIE, I DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT RUNNING

A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN.

- ANN, YOU BEAUTIFUL TROPICAL FISH.

YOU'RE SMART AS A WHIP AND YOU'RE COOL UNDER PRESSURE.

YOU'VE RESUSCITATED A HUMAN HEART IN YOUR BARE HANDS.

NO, I HAVEN'T.

- YOU HAVEN'T? - NO!

- YOU WILL. YOU'RE THAT GOOD OF A NURSE.

WHAT ABOUT BEN?

I MEAN, HE RAN FOR MAYOR AT 18 AND WON.

BEN IS POISON IN MY CAMPAIGN.

OUR RELATIONSHIP IS THE REASON WHY MY ADVISORS PULLED OUT.

- I-- - ANN,

DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD OR YOUR HEART.

JUST LOOK AT MY EYES AND SAY "YES."

- OKAY, YES. - YES!

I BELIEVE IN YOU, ANN. - THANK YOU.

- AND YOUR FIRST JOB AS MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER

IS TO START DRESSING LIKE ONE.

I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN.

- AGAIN? YOU JUST HIRED ME EIGHT SECONDS AGO.

- WOW. YOU'RE DOING A REALLY BAD JOB.

- WILLIAM, ELIZABETH. - LESLIE, HI.

- HI. WHAT ARE YOU-- ARE YOU COMING TO SEE ME?

DID YOU HEAR THAT I'M RELAUNCHING MY CAMPAIGN?

ACTUALLY, NO, SORRY.

WE WEREN'T HERE TO SEE YOU. WE'VE BEEN MEETING WITH

OTHER POTENTIAL CANDIDATES FOR CITY COUNCIL.

- OH, REALLY? SO, MY CAMPAIGN ENDS AND, JUST LIKE THAT,

YOU FIND SOMEONE ELSE AND RUN THEIRS?

YES, THAT'S OUR JOB.

- I KNOW. GOOD LUCK, BUT, UH,

I JUST HAD A BIG MEETING WITH MY NEW ADVISORY BOARD,

AND THEY'RE BRILLIANT AND AMAZING.

THEY'RE REAL KILLERS.

- LESLIE, I TRIED TO MAKE RAMEN IN THE COFFEE POT

AND I BROKE EVERYTHING.

- THANK YOU, ANDY. I'LL BE RIGHT IN.

- WELL, UH, GOOD LUCK, LESLIE. HONESTLY.

- WELL, WE DON'T NEED LUCK. WE ARE A ROCKET SHIP.

WE ARE RELAUNCHING, AND WE'RE GOING TO BLAST PAST

YOUR CANN-- HUH, THEY'RE GONE.

IT'S TRUE--I NO LONGER HAVE HIGHLY-TRAINED,

PROFESSIONAL CAMPAIGN MANAGERS. SO WHAT?

ARE MOST MURDERS COMMITTED BY HIGHLY-TRAINED,

PROFESSIONAL ASSASSINS? NO.

THEY'RE COMMITTED BY FRIENDS AND COWORKERS.

THAT ANALOGY WAS WAY BETTER IN MY HEAD.

HI.

- CHAMPION? OH MY GOSH, THERE YOU ARE, PUPPY.

THAT'S A GOOD BOY. - THAT IS A THREE-LEGGED DOG.

- HIS NAME IS CHAMPION, BECAUSE HE'S THE DOG WORLD CHAMPION.

- OKAY, I HAVE TO ASK THIS, I'M SORRY,

BUT HOW MANY LEGS DID THAT DOG HAVE WHEN YOU FOUND HIM?

- THREE! THAT'S WHAT MAKES HIM THE BEST.

HE CAN DO MORE WITH THREE LEGS THAN MOST DOGS CAN DO WITH FOUR.

- EXCEPT FOR DIGGING. HE'S REALLY BAD AT DIGGING.

- AND YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID

ABOUT MAKING DECISIONS IN THE HOUSE?

YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED. WE GET THAT, SO...

YOU JUST SAY THE WORD,

AND CHAMPION GOES BACK TO THE POUND,

WHERE HE CAN BE PUT DOWN AND KILLED FOREVER.

- I'M NOT GONNA SEND A THREE-LEGGED DOG TO HIS DEATH.

YES!

- BUT I'M NOT GONNA TAKE CARE OF HIM FOR YOU.

- WELL, IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU HELPED A LITTLE.

BECAUSE, UNLIKE YOU, ANDY AND I HAVE JOBS.

CRUEL, BUT FAIR.

- SO LESLIE AND I HAVE COME UP WITH THE THEME

FOR THE CAMPAIGN RELAUNCH RALLY.

"THE COMEBACK KID."

- EVERYONE LOVES A GOOD COMEBACK STORY. ROCKY.

ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

- TERMINATOR SAID, "I'LL BE BACK," AND HE WAS.

- ALSO MAKING A COMEBACK-- THE CASUAL HAWAIIAN SHIRT.

- WELL, WELL, WELL, LOOK, WHO'S AHEAD OF THE CURVE.

I WAS JOKING.

YOU SHOULD SOAK THAT IN BLEACH AND BURN IT.

- OKAY, SO, THE RALLY'S GOING TO BE HELD TOMORROW

AT THE PAWNEE SPORTS BUILDING.

APRIL, YOU FINALIZED A RENTAL, RIGHT?

SHUT UP, ANN.

I TOLD YOU NEVER TO TALK TO ME.

THAT WAS CHAMPION.

OH, MY GOD, I'M SORRY. BAD DOG!

YES, EVERYTHING'S FINE WITH THE RENTAL.

- RON, YOU'RE CONSTRUCTING THE STAGE?

YES, MA'AM.

LESLIE WANTED TO HIRE A CONTRACTOR TO BUILD A STAGE.

I DON'T WANT TO PAINT WITH A BROAD BRUSH HERE,

BUT EVERY SINGLE CONTRACTOR IN THE WORLD

IS A MISERABLE, INCOMPETENT THIEF.

- SEAL THE EDGES BY CRIMPING THE FORK--AW, CRAP.

ED!

- WHAT'S UP, CHRIS? COME ON IN, MAN.

I ALREADY DID.

SO, UH, HOW YOU BEEN? HOW ARE YOU DOING?

HOW ARE YOU? - GREAT, ACTUALLY.

I'M JUST LEARNING HOW TO MAKE A "CALI-ZOIN-ZA."

OR, AS YOU AMERICANS LIKE TO SAY, CALZONES.

DO YOU WANT ONE? - NO, I FIND CALZONE FATTY,

AND UNNECESSARY.

SO, YOU'VE HIT A BIT OF A ROUGH PATCH,

AND I CARE ABOUT YOU,

SO I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE DOING OKAY.

- CHRIS, HONESTLY, I'M GREAT.

I'M JUST EXPLORING WHATEVER FUN ACTIVITY POPS INTO MY BRAIN.

LIKE, CHECK THIS OUT.

I'M TEACHING MYSELF HOW TO DO CLAYMATION VIDEOS.

ISN'T THIS JUST SO COOL?

IT IS SO COOL!

BEN IS MASSIVELY DEPRESSED, AND HE NEEDS MY HELP.

- YOU LOOK LIKE A REAL CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

- OH, THANKS, THAT'S BECAUSE I GOOGLED "CAMPAIGN MANAGER"

AND NOTICED THAT THEY WEAR A LOT OF DARK COLORS.

- SEE, THERE'S MORE THINGS TO LOOK AT ON THE INTERNET

BESIDES NAKED GUYS, ANN. - WHAT?

- I NEED A TEAM UPDATE, CAMPAIGN MANAGER.

- OKAY. PISTOL PETE DISELLIO WILL BE HERE IN FIVE MINUTES.

- I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU GOT HIM.

ANN GOT LOCAL HERO PISTOL PETE DISELLIO

TO ENDORSE ME AT THE RALLY.

IN 1992, PISTOL PETE'S LAST-SECOND DUNK

AGAINST EAGLETON HIGH CLINCHED A COMEBACK VICTORY

FOR THE PAWNEE CENTRAL DRUNKEN SAVAGES.

TEAM MASCOT LATER CHANGED.

- AKASH, BUDDY, OF COURSE I CAME TO YOU FIRST.

YOU'RE THE BEST CARPET MAN IN PAWNEE.

BUT HERE'S MY QUESTION--

DO YOUR CARPETS MATCH YOUR DRAPES?

HOW DO YOU MAKE ANY EVENT CLASSY ON A BUDGET?

RED CARPET.

MY ENTIRE APARTMENT IS RED CARPET.

ON TOP OF THAT, LEADING INTO MY BEDROOM,

A SECOND RED CARPET.

OH, WHAT'S THIS IN MY SHOE?

RED CARPET INSOLE.

EVERYWHERE I GO, I'M WALKING ON RED CARPET.

IS THERE EVEN ENOUGH ROOM FOR EVERYONE?

- HERE, SIT ON MY LAP. - NO, THAT'S HUMILIATING.

CAN'T I AT LEAST SIT ON ANDY'S LAP?

- NO, THAT'S CHAMPION'S SPOT. HE CALLED IT.

TOM, WE'RE ALREADY LATE.

NOW, BE A MAN, AND SIT ON THAT GIRL'S LAP.

YES, SIR.

HI, PETE DISELLIO.

- WE CAN CALL YOU PISTOL, RIGHT?

I PREFER PETE.

- OH. OKAY, GOT IT. I'M LESLIE KNOPE.

WE OVERLAPPED A YEAR AT PAWNEE CENTRAL.

YOU PROBABLY REMEMBER MY VOICE

FROM THE MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS.

THIS IS MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER, ANN PERKINS.

- HI, NICE TO MEET YOU. COME ON IN.

OH, THANKS.

I'M EXCITED TO BE HERE. - AH! WE'RE EXCITED TO HAVE YOU.

- ANN IS KILLING IT. MY CAMPAIGN TEAM IS UNSTOPPABLE.

THIS RALLY IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

OH, MY GOD, I'M FEELING IT!

I'M GONNA BREAK DANCE!

LESLIE?

COMING! THANK GOD.

YEAH!

OH, CHAMPION IS A WAY BETTER KISSER THAN YOU ARE, BABE.

- NUH-UH! - YES, HE IS.

HE'S EVEN A BETTER KISSER THAN ME. HERE, TRY SOME.

- OKAY, STOP IT. HE'S DROOLING ON ME!

OH!

- THIS IS UNSAFE. - HA HA!

OH, WE SHOULD DO IT FOR THE KIDS.

KIDS LOVE IT, RON. JUST FOR THE KIDS.

HI, KIDS! HEY!

OH, LOOK.

THE POLICE EVEN LOVE IT. THEY'RE SIRENING BACK TO US.

THAT'S AWESOME, I WAS GOING TO TELL THEM THAT WE--

HEARD YA, BUD!

- AND THEN, YOU COME OUT, AND YOU DUNK THE BALL,

AND YOU SAY, "VOTING FOR LESLIE KNOPE IS A SLAM DUNK!"

YOU CAN STILL DUNK, RIGHT?

- OH, I CAN, BUT I WON'T. - SORRY?

LOOK, EVERYWHERE I GO,

EVERYBODY WANTS ME TO TALK ABOUT THAT DUNK,

AND THAT GAME.

IT FEELS LIKE I'M LIVING IN THE PAST.

- BUT THE PAST IS GREAT. THE JITTERBUG, STAGECOACHES,