Shameless

No, absolutely not.

We're not gonna be showing you a recap of last week

because you were too busy. Get the hell out of here.

All right, all right, stop your whining.

Fine, here you go.

If you have a vagina, you're safe.

- Vagina Safe Zone. - But...

There's no way we are still on that rapiest bar list.

Who the hell starts a new school

with three weeks left in the school year?

Fucking Satchel Boy.

All right, well, you guys just relax.

Just die naturally.

I know of no finer candidate for West Point

than Carl Gallagher.

Damn right, you don't.

- Oh! - Bitch, I'm not asking.

So you're a lesbian?

Yeah, I am.

- I can't do this again. - Do what?

Falling in love with a straight girl.

It's too painful.

Just go.

What is this?

Kids are working up a few ideas

for if you do wind up in prison.

Gay Jesus kids don't want me to cop a plea.

Want me to take it to trial,

get as much publicity for the cause as I can.

Yeah, and what's your lawyer say?

Could be looking at 10 to 15 if I don't take a deal.

Holy shit, Mo.

- You won. - Mo White...

You're a congressman again.

My sister says you have my kid.

Xan. I want her back.

Do you want to stay with me here?

Yeah, that'd be good.

Mom?

I knew you'd come back for me!

How do you listen to this crap?

This is indie folk country.

It's like if a bad hipster band

smacked into a truck of cows.

Well, switch it if you want.

Isn't your code your birthday?

Put it in the American way or the right way?

There. Irish, even.

Little on the nose.

What, like your accent?

You know, U2 is the band

most made love to in all of Ireland.

Oh, well,

you're in America now, bitch.

Need a lift to Patsy's?

No, driving myself.

I gotta take Ian to a meeting with his lawyer.

His plea hearing is tomorrow.

He can't make his own way?

To his lawyer or in life?

Both.

No.

Grab you from Patsy's at 2:45, then.

For what?

The Hadid exhibition.

- The Ha-what? - Zaha Hadid.

First female architect to win the Pritzker Prize.

Blueprints haven't been public until now?

Oh, shit, is that today?

You fucking with me?

You've been talking about it nonstop for six months.

Yeah, I'm fucking with you. I'll meet you there.

Tickets are for 3:30.

If you're late, they won't let us in.

And where is it?

The Art Institute.

That's in Canada, right?

See you at 4:30.

3:30.

Fucking with you.

What are you doing, Debs?

Sanding a circle around my dip canister

so I don't look like a poser.

You are a poser.

Jesus, how many more dogs are down there, Carl?

Just Rocco and Bernice,

and she'll be dead by the end of the week.

Does anyone know what cocktail attire is?

It's a little early for cocktails,

even for a Gallagher.

It's a West Point mixer this afternoon.

Says I need cocktail attire.

Says it's a suit.

Who goes to drink in a suit?

Ah, fuck, Fiona's almost here.

What now?

She wants to take me to my meeting.

- Don't do it! - Bad idea.

She thinks I should take an insanity plea.

Insanity?

Yeah, bipolar. Off my meds.

How long would you get for that?

Lawyer thinks two years, plus probation.

What are your other options?

Well, I could plead guilty, get a reduced sentence,

five to ten years,

or I could plead innocent...

Well, what about that video of you blowing up the van?

...and they'll find me guilty, so I get 10 to 20.

Hi.

Hey.

Oh, what smells like dead dog?

It's dead dog.

I'm taking care of it.

You ready?

I told you, I don't need a ride.

Oh, I'm taking Liam to school, so it's on my way.

- Anybody else? - I'm good.

I'm headed to Patsy's,

trying to make things work with Alex.

Who's Alex?

My girlfriend.

Your girlfriend?

You gay now?

- Yes. - No.

Okay.

You two, let's go. Someone should wash

a dish around here once in a while.

Hey, buddy, have a good day.

All right, well, ease up, you drunks. Ladies first.

Can I have a beer, V?

Can I take off my coat first?

Hands off, Tommy!

Frank?

Hey!

Did you sleep here again?

I-I drank a bit too.

Two bucks?

You drank two bucks' worth of booze?

No, that's all that's left

from the Mo White campaign fund.

You Kevin Ball?

You a health inspector?

Uh, no.

Jehovah's Witness?

- No. - IRS?

No.

Then yes, I'm Kevin Ball.

Uh, Alison de Marco,

from the Women's Equality and Empowerment March.

We're very impressed with what

you've been doing with Vagina Safe.

We're looking to add a few men to our list of march speakers,

and as head of the Vagina Safe initiative,

you're at the top of our list.

That dentist who bought your bike...

check didn't bounce, did it?

No. Why?

He totaled it already.

Had to strip it for parts.

Lip!

A little help?

What is it with these rich assholes

who can't ride bikes?

Ah! Whoa!

Jesus, Toby.

My bad, man.

Price of victory, dude.

Victory in what?

I do a little street racing.

Slid across the finish line on my ass, but I won.

Think you can fix it?

Yeah. It's gonna take a while, though.

No worries. I got a few backup bikes.

What the hell?

That's gonna take a while.

Guess we go home.

Yo. Come out to a race sometime.

Never know where they are until the hour before.

I'll text you. All right.

Mo White.

More like "Mo lily-livered asshole."

Wouldn't take me to Washington.

Says I'm a political liability.

So I-I misappropriated

some campaign funds.

He's a child molester, for fuck's sake.

Frank.

- I'm gonna start a recall. - Frank.

I put him in there. I can take him out.

Frank!

Your piss is brown.

Oh.

Yeah.

That is brown.

For fuck's sake! Damn it.

Frank?

Uh, Kev?

Fuck you, necktie piece of shit.