The Simpsons

D'oh!

Hmm? D'oh!

- Here's your nuggets. - Chicken nuggets?

Yes.

Including things that ate or were eaten by a chicken.

Mmm, chicken nuggets.

Hi, Don.

D'oh!

Any Joe Billionaire can have a Fabergé egg.

I have the only Fabergé chicken.

- You're fired. - Hmm?

Okay, fine. You know what?

This is just the kick in the pants I need

to turn my life around.

If you're gonna turn that body around,

I suggest you do it in shifts.

Oh, and, uh, Mr. Burns?

You are a crazy, wrinkly, short piece of garbage.

I thought I was tall.

I'm really, really getting tired of this.

The losing the jobs. The going to Moe's.

The Halloween bucket by the bed.

And the licking of the deodorant sticks.

They're not Popsicles.

Mint is mint.

Also, we have to start these lists earlier.

It's almost midnight.

Marge, look, I'm really, really trying.

I've applied to every place in town,

even Lisa's lemonade stand.

You drank half the lemonade.

I can't endorse a product unless I use the product.

The proceeds were going to the National Endowment for the Arts.

It was 80% of their funding.

You need to find another job.

But I found a new passion: watching Korean soap operas.

Look, see there? Soon-Jip is in love

with the one boy her father has forbidden her to see:

pop star Johnny Pop.

Oh...

Out of a job? You're in luck.

The high-tech start-up company CarGo is moving to Springfield.

I'm proud to announce that we beat out

50 other hopeless cities.

Eat our rust, Toledo.

What does the city gain from this deal?

Jobs, eight to 12 jobs.

Okay, Marge, you see that?

It's a sign. I'm gonna get one of those jobs.

Yes, you will...

says our self-help guru

in our next segment on positive thinking.

Oh, TV never talks to just me.

Homer, CarGo is on the forefront

of autonomous vehicle technology.

We're looking for highly passive humans

to road test our self-driving cars.

Perfect answer.

Yes, you could not be more passive, could you?

And your bad driving record is a big, big plus.

You've apparently never used your blinkers.

What direction I want to go is my business and no one else's.

USA! USA!

And somehow you've driven over yourself. Amazing.

Is there anything we don't know about you that we should?

Well, I'd like you to know sometimes my road rage

is actually home rage that I bring onto the highway.

Now let's take a look at your license.

Who exactly are they warning?

My sisters-in-law work at the DMV.

- Mm. Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

Congratulations, everyone. You're our finalists.

We just have one last test for all of you.

Who's capable of sitting for hours at a time,

doing absolutely nothing?

Finally, a job interview question I can answer.

- You're hired. - You're hired.

Five more minutes.

Wow, there's no steering wheel. How do I steer?

No, it's a self-driving car.

Oh, I've never driven one of those before.

You don't have to. The car drives itself.

Awesome, awesome. So is it, like, a joystick

or, like, a turning wheel for steering?

You just tell it where to go.

Oh, I speak into the steering wheel.

Antoine, check this out.

The car is driving by itself.

- I'm a genius. - Now you're free

- to do whatever you like, Homer. - Can I text while it's driving?

You can write a novel while you're driving.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

In today's publishing environment?

- Hmm. - Will you look at that?

The car is driving Homer.

Oh, as far as I'm concerned,

I would never forfeit my control of the wheel.

Whoa, Homer's making a smoothie while he drives.

I want to make smoothies when I drive.

You don't like smoothies.

I want to make them. I don't want to drink them.

Eight hours pay for riding in a car?

Good-bye, rat race.

Got to go, guys.

Marge is here in her yesterday-mobile.

- Ready, sweetie? - Almost.

They're just finishing up my banh mi.

That's what tech people call sandwiches.

Here you go, sir.

He forgot to charge me.

Oh, no, sir, it's free. All the food here is free.

Free food? At work? Are you serious?

I sure am.

Marge, I need a moment.

One for me. One for the tray.

Oh, Marge would love this.

Something for the kids.

Ooh.

Take the day off.

Homie, when you lost your job, I was so worried.

But this is the nicest place to work I've ever seen.

Come on, let me show you around the campus.

Hmm.

There's the gym, which has never been used.

Indoor Ferris wheel, never Ferrised.

Then there's the rock climbing wall,

still in the wrapper.

How come no one uses these things?

All these coders never stop working.

Oh, we should help them enjoy themselves.

- Hey, nerd. - Yes?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah? - Yes.

Huh, yes?

No, I just meant...

Okay, fine, all of you. Come down here.

- I'll log off. - Log off.

Log off.

Log... off.

- Log off. - Log off.

Come on, Team Blue.

Go, Team Bald.

Look at Homer and his surprisingly slim wife

leading that team building exercise.

Let's check the real-time brain imaging.

Their creative centers have gone indigo.

- Is that good? - It ain't scarlet.

Homer and Marge, what you two did

to inspire our workers was paradigm blasting.

I'm sorry. We'll replace the paradigm.

No, no. It's good.

We want to be number one in employee satisfaction.

- And money. - We have the competition by the nuts.

We bought the last affordable housing in San Francisco.

And Alcatraz has gone condo.

Homer, we're offering you a promotion

and making Marge your partner.

Oh.

We need people like you to help our workers relax.

Have fun and forget they may want or have families.

So, what do you say? Are you in?

Homie, for the first time in our marriage,

we can work together as a team.

Yeah, well, I'll have to check with my wife.

- I'd love to. - She said yes!

Uh, yes, I'll have one of those coffees

that's actually a milkshake, please.

Okay, so, what kind of cow would you like your milk from?

Barnyard basic, collegiate mascot,

Minnesota full-fat...?

At the cereal bar, you can request nothing but prizes.

The only thing I don't like

is how I don't understand what everyone is saying.

Uh, yeah, is that the, uh, new X4P1?

Yeah, but 18-core doesn't play nice with the motherboard

unless you overclock.

So, Lisa, what does that mean?

- I don't know. - You don't know?

- No. - You're as stupid as I am.

You're as stupid as I am.

Mom!

Kids, kids,

you're both stupid in your own special ways.

Bart's much stupider than I am.

Oh, good girl. Let your brother win.

Good morning, everybody.

I made lemon squares.

Some, if not most, appear to be rhombuses.

- Rhombi. - Both are acceptable.

That was so fun. Thank-thank you, Marge.

What? You didn't even eat them.

Well, you'll really be thrilled with what we just found.

There's a regulation hockey rink on campus.

- Oh. Whoa. Whoa. - Ah!