BUNK'D

All right, campers, it's time to do a little house cleaning.

This place just opened, and it already looks like my dad's garage.

So, pack up all your old stuff

and we're gonna sell it at the Dusty Tush farmers' market.

The locals actually call it a ranchers' market.

Which almost seems like a shot at farmers.

Oh. It's definitely a shot at farmers.

At Dusty Tush, kids sing Old MacDonald had a ranch.

Blasphemy.

Anyway, if we make enough money,

we could fix the plumbing around here.

Y'all could be up to one hot shower a week.

Don't get spoiled now.

Hey, Lou, can Bill and I go to the market with you?

We haven't seen the town yet. Plus, we really think

you could use us as your social buffers.

Yeah. The only person you know in town is the Marshal.

And he has a spittoon with your face on it.

We just don't want this to go the way Moose Rump went

because those folks loathed you.

-To put it mildly. -If that's your mild,

I'd hate to see your spicy.

-And who didn't like me? -Well, let's see.

There was Barb, Emmitt, Junkyard Judy,

I've also heard mention of Paul, Gordon,

the goat that was a mayor, someone named Zuri.

And... Fine! You can come.

Lou, while you're away,

I'm gonna do some small little camp projects of my own.

Just spiff up the place.

I don't know, Parker. You always seem to go overboard with things.

Remember when I asked you to trim the hedges

and you manicured them to look like butts?

Come on. I worked really hard on Mount Rumpsmore.

Fine. I'll keep these projects simple.

Simple and buttless.

Whoa!

Weird looking, mysterious jade clock with a cryptic riddle.

Oh, well. Into the junk box you go.

Noah, I was wondering, could my friend Devin come to visit?

Of course, friends visit all the time.

Great, because Devon's already taking a bath in the sink.

He knows there's a shower, right?

Noah, meet my friend Devon.

Sorry about the wet hair. He's not company-ready.

You're friends with a rat?

-You're friends with puppets. -Uh, colleagues.

Come on. Devon's a hoot.

Also, there's no space for him at home anymore.

My mom turned my bedroom into a weight room and Devon's a cardio guy.

He doesn't want to get bulky.

I don't know how to respond to that,

so I guess the rat stays.

Ooh, I can't wait to see how much we get for this

broken roller skate.

This may have been a bad idea.

How about I go to the general store and buy you a tablecloth?

It'll help make this look like you, you know, care.

I'm here for you, Lou.

Whatever you need, I can price items, list inventory.

Wait. Is that an antique horseshoe booth?

Take my money.

Remember, the goal is community outreach

and water without chunks.

Hi, I'm Lou, owner of the new summer camp in town,

Kikiwaka Ranch. Ever heard of it?

Cool. Cool.

Oh, I see you're selling some of your child's finger paintings.

And now I can tell that you did those

and are quite proud of them.

Yeah, that's fake.

Hey, Parker, what are you up to?

I'm about to wax these floors

as one of my camp beautification projects for Lou.

It'll be so clean, we'll be able to eat off 'em.

Or we can just keep using plates.

Lots to ponder.

Man, this thing's way slower than I thought.

It's gonna take forever.

Hey, I can help you with that. I love souping up stuff.

If I tweaked the buffer to give it some more power, you'd be done in no time.

Mmm. More power does seem like my brand.

Done. That was way faster. How'd you do that, Winnie?

Well, I borrowed a lot of parts from some things around camp.

Just between us, I'd stay away from the jet ski.

Or let's not keep that between us.

Although, I have to say,

the floor, it almost looks a little too...

...clean.

Parker, are you o...

Kay?

Been better.

What happened to my sheets? They're shredded.

What is that?

A very cozy Devon living his best life.

And why is he in my pillowcase?

Where would you like him to sleep?

On the floor like an animal?

Yes!

There's a hole in my puppet trunk.

Please tell me those are chocolate-covered raisins.

Okay? They're chocolate-covered raisins,

But I wouldn't mix them in with your popcorn.

Listen, you can't just let Devon run around the cabin,

all loosey-goosey. He needs to be in a cage.

A cage? Devon needs to roam.

Put yourself in his shoes. What would you think if you were him?

I'd think, "Why am I wearing shoes? I'm a rat."

I'm sorry, Jake, but you need to find a way

to keep Devon away from my stuff.

Now I have to clean all my puppets,

which is super annoying because they just got baths yesterday.

My stars. Isn't she the cutest thing?

I know, Right? Porcelain vase, porcelain body.

Pretty sure the teeth are human, though.

Not the doll, - sweetie. You. -Me?

You think I'm the cutest?

Well, I guess I can skip my mirror affirmations today.

I'm Rose. These are my girls, Mavis and Iris.

We're the Buffalo Bettys. We basically run this town.

It's true. We're the reason that Dusty Tush has cell service.

Before, you'd have to climb a hill and shout.

Hard to talk behind someone's back that way.

Didn't stop us, though. We're relentless.

Well, nice to meet you, ladies.

I'm Lou, owner of the new summer camp in town.

-Oh, we know. -We know everything.

Okay.

You've got great items, Lou.

Oh, especially this fabulous brooch.

Oh. That shouldn't be in the box.

It's a jade compass, not a brooch.

Oh, anything can be a brooch if you wear it well.

-Just ask Iris. -It's a human finger bone.

-How much? -Oh, it's not re...

Oh, you aren't gonna say not for sale, are you?

'Cause that'd be a terrible mistake.

I'd hate to see a part of you end up as one of Iris's brooches.

I like jewelry with a dark past.

But I just can't sell it to you.

Oh, I see. You want to give it to me.

What a doll you are.

Well, let's do something for you.

Hey, everyone!

Lou over here has wonderful stuff for sale.

So, come on over.

I said come on over!

See? It's important you stay on our good side, Lou.

Come on, girls. Time for Pilates.

Never skip leg day.

Check it out.

I got some old horseshoes

and some new "horse shoes."

Yeah, they were an impulse buy.

Lou, how'd you get all this business?

Easy. I met some very powerful ladies,

and they helped spread the word.

-That's great. -Awesome.

Yeah. I also may have given them the jade compass,

which holds the next clue to finding the lost Dusty Tush treasure.

Anyway, I love the tablecloth, Destiny.

It is so pretty.

-What did you just say? -I said it's a nice tablecloth.

Let's let Destiny have a win.

What is all of this?

I put up these tubes, so Devon could roam free

and still be contained like you wanted.

This isn't what I wanted.

You're like one of those sneaky genies

who turns people's wishes against them.

No. You're getting a little worked up,

and Devon doesn't appreciate confrontation.

So we're just gonna have to remove ourselves from this energy.

What?

Look, Buffalo Bettys up ahead.

I can't believe Jake put that jade compass in the junk box.

-Really? -Nah, it tracks.

You have to get that compass back, Lou.

Without it, this map to the Dusty Tush treasure is useless.

-Got it. -Okay. It's show time.

-You think you're ready? -Of course. What do I look like?

A desperate woman craving approval?

It was a rhetorical question.

Hey, sugar plum, come play 5-card tush.

Ooh, the inner sanctum.

Us Bettys loved this game.

When we're not busy running the town, we're running this table.

What do you play for?

We play for the most important thing

the Buffalo Bettys have in this town, respect.

And I just enjoy crushing my enemies.

Macaroon?

We'll walk you through the game, get you up to speed.

Every time you win a hand, you get a marker.

First person to get ten markers wins it all.

That would be Rose. She always wins.

They won't let me back in Reno.

So, Rose.

There was something I needed to talk to you about.

There was something I needed to talk to you about, too.