Legally Blonde 2 - Red, White & Blonde

Oh, look, her first high-end retail-shopping experience.

Her nanny used to try to take her to babyGap, but she'd just cry and cry.

She was a professional shopper at age three.

Remember her on the cover of Seventeen?

She had so much potential. She could have been a Playmate by now.

Hello! She's a lawyer. That's way better.

- Why? - There she is.

- You always said she has the... - ... perfect-shaped head for a tiara!

- Look at that slime-dog. - Urgh.

It was so nice of you guys to make this for Elle's wedding shower.

I mean, I can't scrapbook worth a damn.

I took a class on it at community college.

- She got a B. - Plus.

- Aww! - The day she passed her LSAT.

- I swallowed some of that silly string. - It wouldn't be the first time.

Oh, look at that. Her first day at Harvard.

- Unbelievable. - Awesome.

The Bend and Snap. Ohhhh.

I love that. I did it last night, naked.

- You did not? - Yep. I busted a window.

Oh, my God. There's Bruiser's first highlights.

Is this the key to her first office?

Remember that Caribbean décor? It was genius.

Oh, look, there she is with Congresswoman Rudd.

That's when they started the Harvard Alumni Woman's Event.

That's two kick-ass women. I like them. I really like them.

Ohhh. The first day they met.

- Emmett loves her already. - You can see it in his eyes.

Emmett and Elle. They're truly Romeo and Juliet, without the dying.

Paulette?

Oh, my God. Girls, I think it's her.

- Quick! Lights out! - OK, OK.

Paulette?

I thought we were supposed to be at the movies by nine.

Surprise!

Oh, my God. Margot, Serena, I cannot believe you guys flew all the way here.

- No biggie. - On the contrary, it's a huge biggie.

Thank you. You guys are the best.

Hey, speaking of biggies, can we see your ring again?

Oh.

- Not your Delta Nu ring, Elle. - Oh, you mean this one?

Clarity between FL and VVS. Nice girdle diameter. Cut, impeccable.

- It's a keeper. - Thanks.

- Dun-da-da-da-da. - Oh, my gosh, it's from Emmett.

Look, that's me and Emmett on Fenway baseball field.

It's his favorite place in the whole world.

I love snow globes.

I can hear the ocean.

Listen, honey. You're a full-time bride now,

so you're gonna need a whole new wardrobe.

Oh, I'm not quitting my job, you guys.

Remember that feeling we used to get during a really intense spinning class?

That feeling that we feel so truly amazing about ourselves.

That's how I feel being a lawyer. I love it.

Actually, I have this huge annual review coming up, so keep 'em crossed, girls.

Cross.

Congratulations, you did it.

With three wrong answers, you've managed to totally undermine

the entire foundation upon which our legal system's built.

By the way, it only took me two wrong answers.

Sweetie, you customized my ring? Again?

Emmett, you are never going to believe my news.

- What? - Fenway Park.

You, me, two rings and one recently ordained umpire

right on the entry field.

- Infield. What are you talking about? - OK.

The starting pitcher for the Red Sox has an unfortunate unibrow problem.

He goes to Nadia, my waxer. So he pulled some strings with the site manager

- and we're getting married at Fenway. - Are you serious?

I mean, are you sure this is what you wanna do?

I mean, me, I could get married anywhere and it wouldn't matter.

That's a lie.

I'm getting married under the Green Monster!

Yes!

And in just three months and four days. Emmett, we have so much to talk about.

I want everybody who matters to us there.

Oh, my God. I almost forgot.

- You want me to what?! - A biological-birth-parent search.

- For your dog? - For my Chihuahua, Bruiser Woods.

I found him abandoned years ago.

Look, miss, I'm the highest-paid,

most sought-after private investigator in Boston.

That's why we came to you.

It is vital that we find Bruiser's mother, and pronto.

His father might be a little more difficult. You know dogs.

- May I ask why? - Of course.

Martha Stewart Weddings recommends a 4-6 week window for RSVPs.

And I can't send the invitation without an address.

The sooner I start on all that calligraphy, the better.

You wanna send a wedding invitation to your dog's mother? And you're serious?

If I have to make room for my second cousin's vegan diet coach,

I'll make room for the mother of the one creature who's always been there for me.

In fact, I can't believe I haven't done this sooner.

I'm thinkin' the same thing.

- Elle. - Hi, Mr. Blaine.

- The client is thrilled. - Oh, good.

How you seamlessly negotiated that deal, well, it was simply magnifique.

- Big staff meeting today, kiddo. - All right. I got my fingers crossed.

- Oh, Milton, two shots, extra foam. - Wow. Thanks, EW.

- No problem. - Got get 'em today.

- Soy for you, honey. No dairy. - Thank you. Your call list is endless.

- It is? - We better get right on it.

Kevin, you shouldn't have.

We're not sure they'll promote me today.

It's just a widespread yet credible rumor.

It's from me and the girls.

Oh, right.

Now do me.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Me too.

I had no idea I could be this happy without accruing credit-card debt.

Already?

Well, even the weird ones get cracked. Are you ready?

Yes.

Bruiser Woods...

...meet your mom.

Bruiser, your cheekbones.

And it's all in there.

Good luck finding whatever it is you're looking for.

Oh, my God! She's a Bostonian.

Bruiser, we're here.

I'm sure you're nervous about meeting your birth mother. But hear her out, OK?

Like everybody, I'm sure she had her reasons.

Your mother lives at the secret Versace think-tank! I told you they had one.

No, ma'am. Unless you have a pass, you cannot go up there.

Oh, lucky I always keep it on me.

Hold on. It's right here.

Here you go.

What is it?

It's my double-platinum VVIP Versace preferred-customer ID card.

Available only to those who've shopped on five continents.

If that fails to satisfy you, contact Billy Daley, head of customer relations.

- You got the wrong Versace, lady. - Really? So Donatella's not here?

Bruiser, where are you going? Bruiser!

Ma'am!

Bruiser!

Come back here! Where are you going?

Bruiser, I didn't know you were so athletic.

What is it?

Oh, my God.

You. Come here.

Come on. Open this door immediately.

- Who are you? - You have my dog's mom in there.

I need her to come out right now.

I'm not authorized to release any subjects from their units.

I'm not even allowed to have a key.

You swallow it one time

and you're the weird key-swallower who can't be trusted.

OK, I don't think you're understanding me. I'm willing to pay for her.

They aren't for sale. They're the property of this facility.

And what kind of facility is this?

I'm so sorry. Elle, this Versace is a cosmetic-testing facility.

And poor Bruiser's mom is a test subject there.

Oh, no! I want her out of there immediately.

They can only be surrendered on a voluntary basis.

They're not volunteering.

After I'm through, they'll be begging.

And I'm not just taking Bruiser's mom.

I'll bust all the dogs out of that dungeon.

"Research Science And Critter Exploitation?"

This VERSACE is owned by C'est Magnifique.

That's fantastic. Our law firm represents C'est Magnifique.

We can just tell them to fix this. I can't wait to take this to the partners.

OK, but how are you gonna convince them?

Presenting Bruiser Woods, Chihuahua. Who am I? Where do I come from?

Abandoned at birth, I was on my own at an early age.

Fighting for survival on the mean streets of Beverly Hills.

Making his way down the Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

Turning tricks at Hollywood and Vine.

Yet even when I found a loving mother,

I couldn't shake this emptiness in my heart.

It was like a void. When I looked in the mirror, who was it looking back at me?

This is Bruiser's question. And, in a way, aren't we all Bruisers?

I think "Yes. " Thank you.

Miss Woods, this is a law firm, not an animal-rights advocacy group.

We're lawyers. We have to fight for justice. And this is definitely unjust.

I'd have to say, in this case, the cost of beauty is way too high.

I can't believe I said that, but it's true.

What we fight for is our clients and their best interests.

Yes, but isn't doing the right thing in everybody's best interest?

I think you're confusing the right thing and the law.

You didn't think they were the same?

Why don't we get back to business and discuss your very bright future?

Pardon me. I don't mean to interrupt. But I just, um...

What you're saying is if C'est Magnifique

follows the letter of the law,

even if it ends up hurting living beings, we're just doing our job?

I'm sorry Mr. Blaine, I just don't think I can work with people who believe that.

- You know what? You're right. - Thank you, Mr. Blaine.

You shouldn't have to work with such people.

Absolutely. I knew you would understand.

- You're fired, Elle. - What?

We only have room for serious lawyers here.

Take the rest of the day to clear out your things.

But the secretarial pooI already gave me a balloon.

Keep the balloon, if you wish.

Please, Emmett, just go away.

Why don't you come on out, sweetie? I know Bruiser doesn't blame you.

But I am all he has to speak for him in this world

and I've completely failed him.