The Real Blonde

Come on, Buddy.

Be careful.

Watch out for that glass.

Mm.

What the hell is wrong with people?

Huh, Buddy?

Doesn't it seem like everybody is

getting stupider and stupider?

Why did they have to bebreaking somebody's window?

Huh, Buddy?

Are you listening to me?

I know what you're thinking about.

You just want to eat.

Let's go now. 'Cause I got to get to work.

You hold onto that ball.

What do you think you'regoing to have for breakfast

this morning, huh?

Bacon and eggs?

Ha, ha.

You wish.

What are you, a cat or a rabbit?

Kitty cat.

You're a rabbit, afuzzy-headed little rabbit.

Mm.

You've got a hard-on.

No, I don't.

You do too.

Mary, don't you think I'dknow it if I had a hard-on?

Then what's this?

That's a carrot I keep tofeed the little rabbit with.

Come on, Joe.

Stop.

I don't have time.

We'll do it tonight, OK?

OK, if that's what you want, I'll stop.

Oh, all right.

Quick.

Get a rubber, carrot boy.

Well, let's just do it without.

No!

Come on, I don't want to get pregnant.

- All right. - No.

All right, all right. Calm down.

I get it.

Just a second.

Help!

Help!

Somebody help me, please!

Help!

Help!

That man stole my dog!

Joe, call the police!

What's the matter?

Oh, my god!

Someone just stole this woman's dog!

Call the police!

Help me!

Help!

Shit! Stop!

Oh, god.

I see him.

You stole my dog!

Buddy! - Come on, now.

Buddy!

I see you, you prick!

Stop, please!

We're calling the police, ma'am.

He stole my dog!

Buddy!

Buddy!

Hey.

Hey, where are you going?

Sorry, babe.

I've got to split.

Oh, don't you want some breakfast?

No.

No time for that.

What's with this lock?

You turn it to the left.

To the left.

Am I going to see you again?

Oh, sure.

Of course, babe.

I'll give you a call sometime.

Take it easy.

Do you like rollerblading?

Oh, shit.

Joe, is this blouse too revealing?

Look at this.

There's Joe Schmo, talented new actor.

And here's Miss Quim, talented new actress.

Joe.

He's standing on the street in an overcoat.

And she's lying on the floor in her underwear

with her boobs hanging out.

So?

What do you mean, so?

Here it is, 25 yearsafter women's liberation.

And women are still being reduced to selling

themselves as sex objects.

Maybe she doesn't feel reduced.

Maybe she feels proud of her sexuality.

Well, maybe he's proud of his sexuality.

Why isn't he crawling across the floor

with his balls hanging out?

And what do boobs have to do with acting?

Nothing.

I'm going to write a book about this.

You're not working today?

Yes, I'm working.

I'm working a lunch, and then I have

that audition with thecasting director at 3:00.

Right.

Oh, good luck, hon.

Thank you.

Um, listen, I stillneed a check for the rent.

What, again?

Yeah, it kind of works that way.

You know, once a month?

Oh, remember we have dinnerwith Raina and Alex tonight.

And I think they're bringing the baby.

All right, I'll meet you after the audition.

Good luck, honey.

Bye.

There you are, Mr. Bob.

Clean and pressed.

Very nice.

It's is a piece of shit, Chang.

Oh, no.

It's a very nice tuxedo.

It's a piece of shit.

And I'll tell you something.

The next time I come inhere, I'll give it to you.

Oh, no.

Mr. Bob, keep your tuxedo.

No, it's yours.

A little souvenir from me to you.

You know what that means, souvenir?

Yes.

I think it means you are full of shit.

Keep going to night school.

Looking good today, sugar tits.

Hello, Miss Taylor?

It's Dee Dee, isn't it?

It's really great to meet you.

Thank you for seeing me.

But how could you miss me?

I'm standing right in front of you.

What I'm going to do for you today, Miss Taylor,

is one of Hap's speechesfrom Arthur Miller's "Death

of a Salesman."

You know, Biff, sometimes Iwant to just rip my clothes off

in the middle of that store and outbox

that god damn merchandise manager.

I mean, I can outbox, outrun, and outlift

anybody in that store.

And I have to take ordersfrom those common, petty sons

of bitches till I can't stand it anymore.

You see, everybody around me is so false.

I'm constantly lowering my ideals.

Hello, Miss Taylor?

It's Dee Dee, isn't it?

Where are the biker boys?

All right, biker boys, show me those abs.

OK.

Flex, flex, flex, flex, flex.

That's what we want,beautiful, tight, chunky abs.

Oil the abs.

I want a boa constrictor or a python.

Morning, ladies. 10 minutes.

Morning.

Let's go!

I don't know, Mary.

I'm sort of giving up on the whole human race.

Why, honey, what's the matter?

Everybody is so superficial.

Oh.

I am sick of it.

I am sick of all this superficial bullshit.

I'm a very spiritual person.

Are you really?

Oh, very spiritual.

Have you seen "The Little Mermaid"?

The cartoon?

Oh, it's not just a cartoon, Mary.

If you look just a little closer,

you will find a spiritualmessage in every single one

of Walt Disney's films.

Could we please change this fucking music?

Oh, sure, baby.

What do you want to hear?

Hole?

Snoopy dog dog?

Any-- anything, OK?

Christ.

Douche would be better than this shit.

It's depressing.

Is Douche good?

I'm not going to be able towork with this depressing shit.

It's 10 o'clock, and I'm already depressed.