English Teacher

- -Okay, I'll see you guys Thursday.

-Good work. Make sure to get those papers in. -

Mr. Marquez,

can I talk to you for a second?

Uh, yeah. What's up, Eddie?

-I've been having some thoughts. -Oh, my God. Suicidal.

-You want me to call somebody? -No, no. I-It's about my orientation.

I guess you would call it an...

I-I think I'm...

I-I think I'm gay. And I know that you're gay.

And I thought that maybe you could help me or,

like, talk me through how to tell the people in my life

'cause this is all just so new and scary,

and I could really use some support.

What? You're scared to come out? It's 2024.

Just go in the hall and say "I'm gay."

Sorry, I don't mean to be mean. I can't help you with this.

I grew up in the '90s. That was different.

J-Just go and get advice from kids your age.

If you want somebody to talk to, go talk to one of the many out gay kids

-at this school, you know. -Yeah. Okay.

But be careful, don't talk to one of those nonspecific queer kids

who may or may not be doing it for clout.

Those people are mostly straight.

-Don't tell anybody I said that. -Yeah.

You're gonna wanna find, like, a real gay person,

like, classic gay vibes, you know? "Queen-y." You know?

Should be easy to identify. Don't tell anybody I said that.

Somebody your age. They'll help you more than me, I think.

But great... great. Thanks. Very good.

Okay, I'll see you later. Bye.

I don't know. I feel like you don't listen to me

when I tell you what I want. I don't want a birthday event, Malcolm.

Oh, my God, you fucking nerd. It's not an event. It's you and me going to a bar.

It's a leather daddy bar.

People need to have fun in this life. I'm sorry.

You and me are going to fucking Tom of Austin

for your 35th motherfucking birthday

because you are a gay man in your prime and someone needs to suck your dick.

I'm at school.

- Nobody needs to suck my dick. -I need to suck your dick.

I'm kidding. No, we're friends, remember?

I have an outfit picked out for you. It's cunt as hell.

No, I'm not wearing whatever you have planned. I'm not wearing it.

Yes. Yes, it's cute. It's comfy You're gonna love it. Bye.

I feel like my balls are hanging out of these shorts.

Yeah, they're shorts, babe.

Well, I haven't dressed like this since I was 24.

-Some people still think you're 24. -Nobody thinks I'm 24, Malcolm.

They do when you're with me. They're like, "Look at those

two 20-somethings. They have their life ahead of them.

-Are they going to an Ice Spice concert?" -

-"I like them." -Just get inside the bar.

If some parent sees me here, they're probably gonna try to hate-crime me.

Oh, my God. Not everyone in the world is a homophobe

-as much as you'd love that. -Malcolm, I know we're in Austin,

but you forget we are also in Texas.

Yeah, we are at a gay bar in Texas,

in a gay bar parking lot filled with gay people's cars.

And you, I know you think you're the only gay man in this universe, but--

I feel like I hear that you're about to start talking

-about Berlin again, am I right? -I actually wasn't. But let's fucking go there, baby.

In Berlin, your life is your work is your life, and you can actually be...

-Right. "Your life is your work"... -...yourself in any environment.

-That perspective is what got you fired. -I resigned like a US president.

-This could be fun actually. -Ew. You're attracted

to the most, like, basic bodybuilder bodies. It's so embarrassing.

-Just say you're jealous. -I'm... I'm not jealous of him.

It's been a while since I've been around just gay people. It's really good.

I'm doing something that's not work for once.

He's 35. You don't need to check it.

Thirty-five. I'm younger. Check mine.

Surprise!

- Happy birthday. -Oh, my God.

Happy birthday, Ev. Remember us?

Happy birthday.

Oh, my God.

You like that?

This is insane, okay? You cannot bring people

like the people I work with to a place like this.

-They're gonna freak the fuck out. -God. Oh, my God. Daddy, chill.

It's fine. They deserve to freak out.

They don't need to be freaked out.

-Moretti is here? -Yeah.

You brought Grant Moretti to this bar?

Oh, I get it. I... I have to... Just...

-Is this your idea of, like, a fun surprise? -Yes. Yeah.

That's why I did it. I gotta say you're acting, like, a little not grateful.

-You should smile. Smile. Have fun. Have fun. -Evan, Evan. Malcolm, hello.

-Hi. -I just need to disclose quickly

since there are more than three faculty members here,

this is technically a school event, so I just... just act accordingly.

And happy birthday.

-Happy birthday. -Are... Are you okay?

Of course, of course. I'm open-minded. I'm open-minded.

I'm a little uncomfortable, but I'm working through it. Hello.

-Excuse me. Don't touch him. Goodbye. Thank you, sir. -Later.

-Thank you. He's not interested. -You know there's fisting porn on three of the televisions?

-Oh, God. -I think all the TVs are playing the same thing.

No, no. They all seem to be different ones. There's a...

You know, traditional missionary-style on one.

Of course, it's between two men who are about 40 years old.

Why? Why am I talking about this?

Grant, it's very sweet that you came,

but just... You don't need to stay here, okay?

No, no, no, stay. Come on.

I'm gonna do a little performance later that might turn you on.

I remember why it was good you resigned, Malcolm.

See? Thank you. I resigned.

Please just stay for one more hour.

All right.

Maybe a drink then and, uh, hopefully some wings as well.

I don't think they have wings, but there is a cum-themed Bundt cake

that, uh, looks pretty good to me.

Maybe just a drink then.

He's gonna get roofied because of you.

Oh, my God. They're not that bad for you.

-Chuck. -Uh...

It's me, dude, Markie Hillridge, man.

We played football together in high school.

-Oh, my... Markie? -Exactly.

-What the fuck, dude? -Dude.

-How are you? -Holy shit.

-Ah, It's been forever. -I know. What are you doing here?

I'm here at this birthday party. Is that why you're here? You got a party?

Uh, no, we're just... You know, we're just hanging...

Wait,

you ended up marrying Kathy Durham, didn't you?

Briefly, yeah.

-Oh. What a dime-piece, man. -Yeah, w-we're divorced.

-What? -Uh. Yeah.

Can I get her number? I'm kidding. That sucks, man.

I mean, you guys were, like, joined at the hip

from junior high to graduation and shit.

Y'all were perfect. What happened?

Markie, I'm gay.

What?

I sleep with men.

Okay. But... Oh, sure, but you weren't gay in high school.

I was. Uh, yeah, I was in the closet.

Huh.

So, we beat Westlake with a gay quarterback?

- Yeah, you did. -That's what you're saying?

What? Like, 300 yards?

-That game was some shit. -At least.

I wish you had come out the moment we won.

-I came out in the shower after. -

This outfit is incredible.

Oh, thanks. Yeah, Malcolm gave me this stuff.

It's so hot.

Nick knows he doesn't have to be here, right?

No, that is what I wanna talk to you about.

-We broke up. -What?

-I know. -When?

Like... Just, like... Hey. Whoa.

Okay, thank you. I'm gonna take, uh, this one. Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

A few hours ago.

I just, like, hit a breaking point.

-With the pool stuff? -Yeah, with the pool.

And then like, in hindsight, that pool, like, him digging his own pool is just

a way for him to pretend to be busy instead of looking for a job.

-Yeah, we all knew that. -I didn't wanna say anything.

-I didn't want you to worry about me. -I-I knew it.

It was painfully obvious to everyone.

Sure. Right. Well, now you know the truth.

-Gwen. -Yes, baby.

You really don't have to be here.

What? No. Are you kidding? I'm... It's your birthday.

And I am definitely gonna find a new man tonight.

-Mama is loose. -You're on the loose.

Oh, my God. I'm on the loose.

Do you want a drink? Let me get another drink.

-How many shots have you had? - I'm gonna get laid.

- No. Maybe. -Okay.

Yo, Ev, you know your friend Daniel?

-Who? -Daniel, your friend, that guy over there.

That's not my friend. That's, like, a random waiter I met once.

He was telling me about poppers.

I wasn't gonna come out tonight, but then I thought, the community. I need it.

Wait. So, can you finish explaining what poppers are?

Remember the videos I showed you of guys bottoming?

-People use poppers for that. - Oh.

-Yo. - Oh, my God.

The whole gang's officially back together again.

Yeah.

-Who are you? -Come on, hon.

Guys, I'm down to try poppers.

I-I got you.

I got you, boo. Here... Here's mine.

All right, boys. I got the poppers.

- -I just had a crazy idea.

I've been trying to get a community together

of artists and people who dance and sex workers.

If you guys are in, I will leave my place.

I have a little bit of settlement money from when I sued California Pizza Kitchen.

We have to go.

Good luck, babe.

Thank you.

- Hey. -Hey.