black-ish

After taking the risk of not going to college,

Junior was doing pretty good for himself.

So, now when he comes over with his new roommates,

it's actually nice.

Hey! What's up?

- Hey! - Hi, guys!

- What's going on, young fella? - Hi.

Junior was finally taking after me.

For the first time in his life, he was cool.

I could see myself hanging out with Junior...

In public.

I'd be willing to take pictures and everything.

I have to confess... Mm-hmm?

I am so proud of the man that Junior has become.

So am I! I know, I know!

Two Black friends at the same time? Two.

Two!

Oh, we've waited for this!

Whew. Uh, hey, babe?

Yeah. I bought some bubbly water yesterday.

Did you move it? Unh-unh.

Look behind the orange juice. I can't.

There isn't any orange juice.

What? There isn't any cheese,

and the soy sauce is missing. Unh-unh.

I bought soy sauce yesterday, babe.

Wait a minute.

Baby, there's... There's no cereal,

there's no honey.

What?

And is the sponge missing? Where's the soap?

Where's the... where's the...

Baby, check the laundry room.

Okay, okay, okay, I'm checking.

There's nothing down here!

The only thing in here is a sock and dryer lint.

Where'd everything go?

It was an "Ocean's Eleven" -style set up

from the jump.

And his boys were in on it.

Hey, guys!

Those friendly smiles were just to disarm us.

It was an inside job.

Junior knew exactly where we kept all the stuff

broke kids never buy.

Toilet paper, canned goods, cinnamon.

They basically grabbed the kitchen by the ankle

and shook it.

I've got to give it up to them,

they were smooth.

Babe!

We've been jacked!

When did they go upstairs? I don't know.

My in-shower moisturizing gel is missing.

Do you know what that means?

That your feet are gonna cut me in the night?

No, that means they went "in shower"!

How did they know I wasn't up there naked?

Because you were down here.

I still feel violated.

Okay.

They took the dried mangos.

Oh, no, man, nah. That wasn't part of the deal.

What are you talking about?

I wasn't gonna snitch,

but now I'm eating plantain chips like a jerk,

so screw it.

Junior lost his job with the Migos.

What?

He can tell you.

You lost your job?

They took the mangos, didn't they?

Ya think?

I swear...

Hey, Junior, when did this happen?

Uh...

Like, a couple of weeks ago, I guess.

I mean, there wasn't really any paperwork.

Offset kind of just walked up to me

and said, "Whomp, whomp," and patted me on the back.

So, you were lying to us?

Well, I thought I was gonna find something else by now.

But I have not.

So you steal my almond-oil moisturizing gel?

How am I supposed to exfoliate my back, son?

With my hands?

Like the cavemen did?!

Okay, feels like you guys are putting out an energy

that says I should give you some space,

so I'm gonna be out by the pool.

The pool is for people who live here,

and you chose not to live here.

But, Mom, I'm... I'm trying...

Junior, you made a decision.

You said you could handle the real world,

so it seems like you shouldn't be swimming,

and you should be working on your life.

And you will learn

that an in-shower moisturizer

is a working man's pleasure.

Get out of here, Junior.

Go.

Look at you and me, on the same page

for an old-fashioned Junior takedown.

Ah! You had my back.

Mm.

Even though it's not exfoliated.

Earl, you need to hear this.

If this is about that "Hamilton" soundtrack,

I'll say it one more time...

Everyone doesn't have to like everything.

Jack, tell the old man what you told me.

I had this crazy dream last night. Mm-hmm.

So, I'm at a Lakers game,

and LeBron was wearing the number 12.

That's not his number. Exactly!

And then I saw there were 12 people on the court.

And then there were 12 people in the stands,

which is not enough people.

That's a lot of 12s.

Earl, you know what this means?

I think he's got The Gift.

You mean... The Gift?

- What is this "gift"? - Okay.

In my family, every few generations,

there's someone who has the gift

for predicting the future.

The last one to have it

was my Aunt Georgia.

She predicted the Miracle on Ice.

I was the first Black man to make money off hockey.

There's your headstone.

All right, Earl, now, you need to take this,

find Loose Craig, and put it all on 12.

I ain't played the ponies or the numbers in weeks.

I'm off gambling.

Lynette has me wanting to be a better man.

Not just on the inside.

On the outside, where the laws are.

Earl, come on, think of the good times!

I'm sorry, Ruby, I can't do it.

All right, suit yourself.

I'll find Loose Craig on my own.

All right? All right.

Is he still selling those phone cases

down at the swap meet?

How am I supposed to know? Ah, yeah, I'll find him.

So, we sent Junior home.

Then I sent him a picture of me in the pool

just to rub it in.

Charlie, I don't even know how to swim.

I tell you, all that chlorine,

it'll... it'll change you.

I remember when I first started living on my own.

I had four roommates, man.

My bedroom was a closet.

There were weeks that I survived on nothing

but a pound of burger meat and two cans of beans.

Well, aren't you fancy?

Beans and meat?

Yes.

All I had was toast.

Damn. Yeah.

Makes you appreciate it

when you finally make it, though.

Yeah, it does. Uh-huh.

Oh!

Yeah, I'm glad those days

are way, way, way, way behind us.

Must suck to be Junior, huh?

Ah, sure does.

Yeah, he isn't gonna know what's coming at him.

No, he doesn't.

Yeah, he's gonna crash and burn,

stop that Johnson generational wealth

right in its tracks.

Okay, Charlie,

Junior is not going to crash and burn, okay?

He is going to grow and learn, like us.

No, he is not.

Junior didn't grow up broke.

He's a tender bird.

Like one of those penguins whose parents die

so it gets nursed to adulthood by humans

until they think he's big enough to go out on his own.

So they set him free on the ice,

and then a seal eats him on day one,

then Morgan Freeman tells us

it's just the way of the world and we shouldn't cry.

But Morgan doesn't know my emotions.

O... Okay. Uh... Junior isn't ready, Dre!

You got to protect that boy!

You got to save him in a way

that Morgan couldn't save Pongo.

Who?

They fed him out of a baby bottle, Dre!

Okay. Like... like, why would you...

Why would you do that?

Excuse me.

So, Charlie made me think