House of Lies

Hustle it up.

Previously on "House of Lies"...

I know you thought

you'd made it into Marty's most

intimate circle, and here comes Jeannie, and just like that--

booted unceremoniously down the hall, out of the old pussay.

Ew.

I want to buy you, Marty.

It's been a while since your people

could buy my people.

This offer is no longer exclusive.

Seven times my revenue-- when Skip buys my firm,

that is what he's gonna put in my pocket.

Maybe we take this away from Monica.

Maybe we take this away from Monica.

Well, fuck yeah.

I'm gonna get my company so pumped up,

that my valuations are just jacked.

20 stories tall,

four football fields in length.

Movie theater, retail shops.

And it ain't even the biggest ship in the fleet.

Oh, put on your slickers and grab your chum buckets, kiddies,

because from this point on, it is big game fishing only.

Ugh. As opposed to before, when, you know,

we were just fucking around.

we were just fucking around.

Hey, it's fired-up Marty. I love fired-up Marty.

Last year, Palace Cruises did...

Just over

4.6 billion in revenue.

God, I love that word-- billion!

'Cause you know what billion-dollar clients mean?

Big fat fucking zeros at the end of that fat-ass check

that Skip Galweather's gonna cut to acquire K and A.

Assuming your ex-wife doesn't win the offer first.

Correct, which is why I want this particular whale harpooned

and rendered by the time

we reach port of call in the next couple of days.

Puts us back on a plane to L.A.,

where we will secure more business

and make ourselves un-fucking-deniable.

and make ourselves un-fucking-deniable.

And I can get back to our child.

Well, yes, we got to get back to Phoebe. Phoebe, of course.

But can we make it happen, captain?

Yes, we can.

And can we make it happen, Douglas?!

Just call me Ishmael.

Uh, can we make it happen, Clyde?

Clyde, would you like to stop looking...

I got it. I got it. I got it.

Get in here. We're doing a thing.

Winning business good, losing bad.

Jeannie wants to see her kid. I'm with you, chief. Let's go.

Great. Dinner's in a couple hours.

Till that time, we're gonna get settled,

take a look around the ship,

try to come up with something nice

to say to the captain and CEO at dinner.

The captain? Hold up, hold up, hold up.

Are you serious?

We're sitting at the captain's table tonight?

Don't fuck with me on this, Marty.

Don't fuck with me on this, Marty.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's just that this ship is captained by Megan Dunleavy.

One of the few female captains in the cruise line industry.

Get this. She worked her way up

to master mariner in three short years.

So what's the term if it happens out at sea?

Is it still considered stalking?

-It's called stalking, right? -I'd call it stalking.

What about sea stalking?

It's stalking for sure.

Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie, it is every little boy's fantasy

to sleep with a ship captain, am I right?

Oh, Doug.

It absolutely is not.

What?

I've never had that fantasy before,

and I will fuck anything.

and I will fuck anything.

And don't you have a girlfriend

who also happens to be our client?

Well, uh, Marty, we never said we were exclusive.

I don't give a shit.

See? Marty gets it, yeah?

No stranger himself to the joys

of mixing business and pleasure. Up top.

That, and the fact that she already signed a contract.

-Up top! Don't give a shit. -Ah.

Wasn't that funny.

It's not what I'm laughing at.

Is that Marty Kaan?!

- Oh, no. - Oh, yes.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Ooh, come to get his dick wet on the high seas, eh?!

It is!

Unbelievable!

- Fucking Dushkins. - Oh, yeah.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

Oh, the whole gang is here!

Alex and Kyle.

What the fuck are you guys doing here?

Palace Cruises begged us...

Begged us!

...to come run a club night for them.

And we are fucking killing it.

-Yes! -Yay.

You gotta come.

Oh, look at this.

"So much fun, you'll ship your pants."

You'll ship your pants, bro!

Ha-ha!

Okay. Wow.

On the count of three,

the first knot you ever learned to tie. You ready?

One, two, three. Cleat hitch!

One, two, three. Cleat hitch!

I think it was a sheet bend.

A sheet bend?

That was the second one I learned.

-Wow.

God, you're just full of surprises.

Let me ask you something.

Would you mind me citing your story in my upcoming TED talk?

Oh, my God, Douglas, are you giving a TED talk?

Why didn't you tell anybody?

We would've loved to know about that.

See, part of my talk's

about overcoming adversity,

and I think your story, Captain,

would be an inspirational example.

I'm sorry. My-my story of adversity?

Well, yeah.

You know, being a woman.

Well, in a male-dominated profession

is what... You know what I meant.

Douglas, maybe you should stop digging.

I feel like the hole

is deep enough.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Earlier, I was telling Marty how impressed I am

that you do all your business onboard.

Mm.

I do think it's important to understand

how much fun we have around here.

how much fun we have around here.

Yes.

That's clear.

So, how can we be more profitable?

Well, we're still replatforming

the journey line, you know, to trend-jack

secular market space migration,

exploring ancillary liquidity scenarios.

It's gonna take a...

gonna take a minute.

-I see. -Mm-hmm.

Well, I guess I'll just have to wait till the morning.

Mm-hmm. Ready for me?

-Excuse me. -Yeah.

Do you wear that jacket everywhere?

Do you wear that jacket everywhere?

I do.

-Is there any chance...?

Clyde, hey.

I need you to fast-track a deck with some good solutions

that we can put in front of this guy first thing in the morning.

Sure.

And you're still sitting here...?

I'll do it after dinner. What am I gonna do?

I'm at the table right now.

You're gonna do this.

Right now, we're eating with

-the captain right now. -Clyde.

Clyde.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me steal you for one second,

just because I may have to leave. Mm-hmm.

What the fuck?

Was I not just crystal clear?

You were.

It's almost as if

he has nothing to gain

and a whole lot to lose

and a whole lot to lose

if this sale to Skip goes through.

Let's get wet!

All right, well, remember it's not cheating

in international waters.

-Enchanté. -Nice.

Clyde,

you have got to fuck the captain.

Yep, put it in her port

and her stern.

Those are boat terms!

Excuse me!