Nobodies

Good morning.

Hi.

- How'd you sleep? - Better?

I think so.

Starting to get used to it here?

I think so.

- Lunchbox? - Check.

- Water bottle? - Check.

Oh, hey. Thought I missed you guys.

You're fine.

- I meant to get up. - You're good.

Yeah. Have a great day, kiddo.

- Okay. - I'll see you at work.

Yeah. Uh, real quick, um...

Who has Lois this weekend?

Oh, Michael and Ethan.

Yay!

What's up?

Well, I just have this thing

and I wanted to know if you wanted to come.

What's the thing?

I was nominated for an Independent Spirit Award.

Wow! Congratulations.

Mom, we're gonna be late.

Oh, okay.

- Good-bye. - Mwah.

- One more. - Mwah.

What's an Independent Spirit Award?

Uh, I have no idea.

So, all those in favor

of Groundlings open-mic night say "aye."

- Aye. - Aye.

All right, well, since only three of us

even bother to show up, I guess it's unanimous.

All right. Are we done?

Well, there is the Larry Dorf issue.

- Ugh. - Right.

Larry?

Hello, friends.

I wish we didn't have to meet

under such auspicious circumstances.

Do you know what "auspicious" means?

Uh, no, I do not.

Larry, what do you have to say for yourself?

Oh, I don't know.

I don't want to im-perjure myself.

"Im-perjure"?

All right, um,

I'm gonna read from the Groundlings brochure.

"Groundlings corporate training workshops are fun

"and unlike any team-building program

your company has ever experienced."

Okay.

Now I'm gonna read from your brochure.

"Groundlings-style corporate training workshops are fun

"and unlike any team-building program

your company has ever experienced."

I don't see what the problem is.

Larry, they're the same thing.

No, they're not.

Mine very clearly states "Groundlings-style,"

thereby differentiating my company from your company.

You can barely see the word "style."

That's 'cause I don't want people to get hung up on that.

Larry, you are taking business away

from your own theater company.

It's disgusting.

Is it illegal?

It's unethical.

So not illegal.

Thank you.

Are you really not gonna show us what's in your stupid briefcase?

Uh, this I just got from the prop room.

This is probably for a sketch about marbles.

"The Guest House" is a half-hour comedy

Andrew and I wrote for Comedy Central,

and we're looking to add a few writers.

So mostly kid stuff on here.

Uh, yes, I got my start in children's animation.

Um... but most recently,

I was writing on a sitcom for CBS.

Oh, which one?

"Open Dorf Policy."

I don't think I've heard of that.

Did it not get picked up?

It got picked up, uh...

but then they... they changed the title.

Oh. And the cast.

And the concept.

And the writers.

- Oh. - Oh.

Well, um, have you written on a show

that's actually been on the air?

You mean other than "The Fartlemans"?

The, the cartoon. Yeah.

Yeah, like... Like a real show.

Um...

I wrote a spec script for "My Name is Earl"

about ten years ago.

So what sitcoms do you like,

like, just to get a sense of your comedic tastes,

like what... what do you watch?

Um... "Seinfeld"?

So you're not really into contemporary comedy.

No, I guess not.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

Yeah.

Hello?

Hi, Hugh, it's Bradley from Ethan Flaum's office.

Bradley, I really don't want to talk to Ethan right now.

Oh, actually, I'm just calling to give you

some feedback from your meeting.

The terrible meeting that I just left?

I just spoke with Andrew and Lindsey,

the people you just met with.

Doesn't look like it's gonna go forward.

Okay, well, it was good talking to you.

Do you have any feedback for me?

As a junior agent,

any feedback I could get from you could be super valuable.

You did a great job, Bradley.

You told me when and where the meeting was and...

all I can say is you exceeded my expectations.

That's great.

I really appreciate that because Ethan has decided

to give me a few of his struggling clients,

and that would be you and Larry.

So...

congratulations.

Um, I don't know what to say to that.

Um...

Uh, hang on.

- I mean, good-bye. - Buh-by...

Hello?

Are you sitting down?

No, are you?

I am.

I have a business proposition for you.

How would you like to go to your great state of Texas,

teach improv to a bunch of businesspeople,

one night, all expenses paid,

$1,500 in your pocket?

What are you talking about?

Like a Groundlings corporate training gig?

Yes, this is like a Groundlings corporate training gig, exactly.

Yeah, I'll do it.

Oh, great.

Wonderful.

Are you sitting on a toilet?

No.

Add a bit of length here in the sleeve.

That looks perfect.

- Everybody decent? - I am.

Oh, shame.

Do you have pages?

Yes, I do and they are very funny because I wrote them.

You look so handsome.

This is for the Independent Spirit Awards.

- What do you think? - Mmm, gorgie.

Hey, Mark-Paul.

Can you go to the stage for a second?

They're rehearsing the diner scene.

Mm-hmm, yeah.

- We good? - Good, yes.

Thank you. Very good.

There we go.

Rachel, darling, really quickly.

I want to coordinate Mark-Paul's necktie with your gown.

What color are you wearing to the awards show?

Just a simple black dress, you know, nothing fancy.

A black dress?

It's not a cocktail party, darling.

It's a red carpet, you're going to be photographed.

You need to pop.

No, I... I don't want to pop, I'm just gonna blend in.

Darling...

this is the first time the public will meet

Mark-Paul Gosselaar's girlfriend.

You can't blend in.

This is your Amal Clooney moment.

You need to bring it.

Um...

I mean, look at you.

You show up at work each day,

you don't even bother putting on makeup.

I'm wearing makeup.

I have very sensitive skin,

so I can't war lots of makeup or I break out.

You make me so sad.

Well, after a stop

at Salt Lake City and Phoenix,

and then a long cab ride from the Austin airport,

at least we are staying in the not-lovely

South Austin Budget Inn.

Hey, uh, where's my room? Give me my key.

Oh, um...

We have to share a room.

When did Groundlings get so cheap?

I'm gonna call the theater.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.