Baby Daddy

Both: Cheers!

Mmm.

Wow. I didn't know I liked tea so much.

Dude, it's beer.

I thought doing the girliest thing in the world would help me understand women,

but all I've learned is that little chairs make my butt fall asleep.

Seriously, Ben.

I mean, if you're still that miserable about Riley,

why don't you just talk to her?

Tell her how you feel. Man up!

Snack cake?

No, I did,

but now we're in this weird limbo.

I told her she needs to figure out if she has feelings for my brother or not.

- And does she? - Who knows?

It's not like she bothered to tell me how she feels.

I just feel stuck.

Look, it sounds like you need to take back control, okay?

Become the master of your own destiny.

Crumpet?

You know, man? You're right.

I'm done, okay?

It's time to move on. Riley and I need to be officially over.

I'm stuck.

I know. We get it.

No, Tucker. I'm really stuck.

All right, Emma. Which one is pretty for grandma?

Hmm?

Oh! Aww.

Knock, knock.

Oh, hi. Mrs. Wheeler, can I ask you a question?

You just did. Now my turn.

Which one of these says,

"permission to board the S.S. Bonnie"?

I'll assume that means "pretty."

Um, I don't know. What are you wearing it with?

This.

Oh, wow.

I actually meant the shoes.

I actually meant sex.

Riley, it is fleet week.

The Navy is in town,

including one very sexy captain Hudson.

We always meet at the same pier,

and have the same magical weekend.

Then, like all good magic tricks,

he disappears.

- That's so romantic. - Yeah.

I really want to talk to you and me and Ben.

Ugh!

He is the one who said we should take a timeout

because he had some crazy idea that I have feelings for Danny.

Me having feelings for Danny?

That is just crazy, right?

That's so crazy. Don't you think that's crazy?

Well, I would have agreed

if you didn't say stuff like,

"it's crazy, right?

"So crazy! I mean, don't you think it's crazy?"

- (Baby laughs) - (Mouths)

Well, I am telling you the same thing I told Ben.

I do not have feelings for Danny!

Danny, hey!

Hey, Riles.

See? Nothing.

And you know what else?

The next time I see Ben, I am telling him that I want to get back together.

- Hi. - Hi.

All right. Just don't make him cry.

Otherwise, I'll do this again!

Oh man.

Look at it, Riley! This is your future!

This one's on the house,

especially if you come back to my house.

Okay.

Yeah, a little rusty.

But it could have been worse. I mean, at least she didn't laugh at you.

Oh, wait, no. Now she's laughing at you.

Hey, by the way, whatever happened with Riley?

How'd she take it?

Well, she hasn't called me back, so I'm guessing she'll take it fine.

Ooh, I'm going back in.

So, you looking for a stud?

I already got the "S.T.D." All I need is "U."

Let me start again.

Sadly, that was actually better.

Yeah, but lucky for you, there's a ton of cute girls in here to practice on.

Oh, crap. I forgot it's fleet week.

Damn it!

We've been dock-blocked.

Okay, people!

The S.S. Bonnie just hit an iceberg.

Hey, ma, how'd it go with your sailor?

Terrible. Horrible. The worst.

He wants to marry me!

Okay, I normally don't get this confused so early in the conversation.

Danny, the reason you date a sailor is because they sail away.

Ben! Is Ben here?

No, I think he's working a double.

Why don't you just hashbrown him?

You know? That's what all you kids are doing.

We keep missing each other,

and I really want to talk to him in person.

Plus... I seem to have lost my phone.

Oh my God. I just shared a cab with a friend. I must have left it there.

Looking for this?

Robyn! Oh, thank you!

How did you know where I was?

Well, you doodle "Ben Wheeler" on your pad during every staff meeting.

For a while, I thought that Ben Wheeler was a legal term.

Guys, this is Robyn.

My office bestie.

Hi, I'm Danny.

The brother she apparently doesn't doodle.

But she should.

I'd doodle you.

Okay, well...

I've gotta go meet drink for a Ben.

No, Ben for a drink!

It was meety loving you.

Lovely meeting me.

You! I... I gotta go. Bye.

Oh my God, is he single?

And if he is, can I make him un-single?

Well, uh, who? Danny? Single?

I mean, not really. Sort of.

Kind of, I guess. I don't think he's ready to meet anyone new,

so... no.

Well, maybe the right girl would make him ready.

What's wrong with one coffee date?

Yeah, Riley.

Who doesn't love coffee?

Unless, you have a problem with somebody going out with Danny.

Wait, no!

That's crazy! So crazy! Don't you think it's crazy?

I don't know, Tuck. I feel like we should be on a box of frozen fish sticks.

Don't worry, man. I got this.

"In the Navy" is my go-to karaoke song.

Oh, there.

Hey, you guys better head back to the ship.

Captain's looking for you.

He knows what you did last night.

They all did something last night.

Hi, I'm seaman Tucker, and this is private Benjamin.

You said semen.

We're in the Navy.

There's a song about it.

My job is to fire the torpedoes.

Yeah, it's pretty badass.

- Whoa! - Riley, hey!

Ben, what are you doing?

Management thought it would be a fun promotion for fleet week.

Chips, ahoy, mattes!

I'm so sorry that I haven't called you back yet.

But, I really want to talk to you, too. About us.

- You do? - Yes! So much.

But, uh, hey, can we do it later? After your shift?

Okay, yeah, sure. Later's better.

Later's good. I like later. Here's to later!

What was that? I thought you were moving on?

Yeah, no, I thought I was too,

but maybe I jumped ship too soon.

She said she wants to talk.

And I can be talked out of my talk and talked into her talk

if her talk is about us getting back together!

What are you talking about?

Dude, if she wanted to get back together, she would have said it.

Face it, Ben. That ship has sailed.

I don't mean to eavesdrop, sailor,

but I think your friend is right.

When a woman says she wants to talk,

it always means she wants to walk.

I'm not ready to be set up, right now.

Okay.

Will you be ready, tomorrow?

Please? It would mean so much to me.

Fine. Set away.

Yeah, I guess if she wanted to get back together,

she'd be hugging me, instead of my brother.

I hate being right about these things,

except when a cute sailor like yourself is now single.

Can I buy you a drink?

Yeah, that'd be great.

So, you looking for a stud?

I've already got "U," I just need an "S"...

no, damn it, that doesn't work either.

Riley: Mrs. Wheeler?

Oh, Riley. Thank God that you're here.

I can't go home!

Captain Clingy has been staking out my lobby all day!

Well, I have successfully set up Danny and Robyn,

thus proving I have no feelings for Danny,

thus in your face, Mrs. Wheeler!

You're right, Riley. You obviously have no feelings for Danny, whatsoever,

and are completely focused on your relationship with Ben.

Hey, Riles. Thanks so much for convincing me to go out with Robyn.

We spent, like, two hours on the phone last night.

And that was before I fell asleep and had to call her back.

I like this girl.

I'm actually meeting her at the bar, right now, so don't wait up.