Harley Quinn

Today on Tawny.

Ratcatcher has spent most of his life in the sewers catching rats.

But the last thing he expected to catch there was feelings.

Our exclusive interview with Gotham's

controversial couple right after this break.

Wait, is he screwin' a rat?

Sick!

No!

Let me out!

Ah! Frank!

Are you okay? Maybe you should chill

on going that deep into the Green.

You know, Swamp Thing did say it's gonna take some time

for your body to get used to it.

I gotta assume, at some point, your boobs will stop sweatin'.

I don't care how sick I get.

I have to find out where Frank is.

Bruce Wayne's got him.

He... It's just too dark to see where he is.

I mean, it's like all that money

and he can't buy a light bulb, for Christ's sake.

If only we knew someone

who could help us draw him out.

Don't look at me.

We broke up.

Bruce is so clingy.

Even for an eccentric billionaire, he's got baggage.

Workaholic, obsessed with clean eating,

and, you know, those major abandonment issues

from seeing his parents murdered as a child.

Well, congrats on freeing yourself

from the chains of hetero hell.

But can't you just pretend you want to see him?

You know, maybe lure him over here and we'll handle the rest?

No. When I break up with someone, I cut them off completely.

He's determined to get me back.

Won't stop sending me gifts, flowers,

this canary diamond encrusted tiara.

That is one sparkly meatball.

Oh, that looks incredible on you.

It's all right.

Mm. He wants me to wear it to a gala he's hosting tonight.

It's a clunky name.

Did your RSVP?

I'm not going anywhere near that mess.

Didn't you hear my whole no-communication thing?

-Yeah, Harls, pay attention. -Okay.

My point is, if Bruce thinks there's a chance you might come,

he will definitely be there.

True, he is desperate to see me.

Ugh. That better not be more flowers.

Okay. We're gonna go to that gala,

grab Bruce, and we're going to torture him

until he tells us where Frank is.

No-- Yeah, it's happening.

Or, I have an idea.

You'll stay here, rest, read some mags,

hydrate, get your strength back up to torture levels.

And I will go kidnap Bruce Wayne.

-So, I know it's been a tough week. -Mm.

Respectfully, Selina's being a total B.

Appreciate the solidarity, but don't talk about her like that.

You know what always makes me feel better?

A hug.

But that's not really our thing,

so, how about focusing on work?

Are you looking at Selina's Waynestagram stories?

She can tell If you are.

She can? I mean, I'm not.

Obviously.

If no one else has any new leads,

I'd like to discuss

the CowNews BoyBoy Hat.

By now, I'm sure you've seen the ads.

According to my source at the docks,

there's a shipment coming in tonight.

I'm thinking we intercept it

and see what's really going on with these hats.

A new hat fad doesn't equal criminal activity.

Lots of people wear hats.

Am I a criminal?

No, but you look like you're ready to steal some kisses.

No? All right.

They're not just hats.

They've got a smart device that can read your mind

and become your own personal assistant.

-Cool. -That doesn't sound fishy to you?

Hats and neurotech?

That can only be the work of one man.

-Mad Hatter. -Mad Hatter.

Impossible. I ran Mad Hatter out of town years ago.

You're making connections that just aren't there.

Now, if that's all, I have a gala to get to.

Selina, it's Bruce.

Uh, Bruce Wayne, your boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend, lover.

Hey, is this a two rolls of duct tape kidnapping?

Harley, honey, I don't want you to go alone, okay?

I'll be fine. Yes, each time I go into the Green,

it feels like every one of my cells is being ripped apart,

but maybe this tea will help.

It's lemon ginger.

Oh, King Shark will come with me.

What do you say, buddy?

You up for a classic Shark-Ley adventure?

Kidnap a sad billionaire? Huh? Huh?

Rain check.

I have to return home due to the death of my father.

-Sorry, dude. -Fucking fuck.

Thank you. This is actually a relief.

He was a terrible shark and an even worse man.

Oh, so... Congrats?

Not quite there yet.

The good news is I get to see my little brother, Prince Shark.

I mean, we're pretty tight.

He's the brother I didn't eat.

So, does this mean you're like an actual king now?

No, Prince will be King

once I officially pass on the position at the funeral.

We have confusing traditions under the sea.

No worries, I'll just go with...

Clayface!

Oh, ho, ho!

Clayface would love to, but...

Billy Bob Thornton

is manning the dunk tank

at the glorious St. Louis Professional Baseballer's Charity Circus.

Go, team! I'll look up the name on the way...

Well, I should get going, too.

Have fun storming the castle, Harley!

Okay, screw it, I'm going with you.

I'm gonna... Oh, wow.

Okay, no more going into the Green for now.

You've gotta rest. I got this, NBD.

Okay, Bruce Wayne is just some dude, okay?

It's not like he's Superman or something.

I know, it's just... It's been a while

since you've done a job alone.

She's trying to say that you're extremely codependent.

For the love of nuts,

-who is texting you? -Ugh.

It's that nerd, Batgirl.

Since the escape room, I've thrown her a couple LOLs

but she just keeps texting.

Babe, you don't have to be defensive.

It's sweet, you like to take in strays.

Listen, I'm locked and loaded, baby.

I got rope, double duct tape, binoculars, glass cutter,

person cutter and a granola bar in case I get peckish.

Now, call me if there are any problems. Swearsies?

When has anything I've attempted to do gone wrong?

But... You're sick, you save your energy.

Listen, while I'm gone, you take care of Ivy.

That means you sit with her, you stream that lubed-up dildo

disguised as a TV show, Bridgerton,

or whatever people are horny for these days,

and make sure she wants for nothing.

And why would I do that?

Because if you don't, when I kidnap Bruce, I'm gonna tell him

you've been saying his name in your sleep.

Be quick, will you?

And try not to make a spectacle.

I don't need the hotel tightening up security.

It's one of my favorite places to steal from.

It's where I got my Picasso.

Hey, Bruce! Bruce!

Hey. Where's Selina tonight, huh?

Has she arrived yet?

Hi-yah! Come here, you little old--

Still takes her vitamins.

Where are all the octopuses and finned aquatic dignitaries?

Shark ceremony only.

It was in Dad's will.

You know how he was.

A snob to the bitter end.

Your father was a great shark.

-So kind of you to say. -Wasn't he?

Hey. That "great shark" had relations with his wife.

And his sister.

Dad looks good on you, by the way.

Thanks, man. That means a lot.

We're gathered here today

to coronate your new king

and celebrate the legacy of King Daddy,

who most famously saved us from our arch enemies,

the sinful Atlanteans.

If they only knew, during that battle,

Dad was turnt up on bunk abalone venom.

I'm glad you're here.

Me too.

Now, King Daddy's firstborn son, Nanaue,

and his brother Kamea

will join me at the altar

for the official passing of duty.

Your father's royal scepter

is only to be touched by kings.

Whoo! Powerful.

I kinda like it.

Oh, I'm just kidding.

Ah, the Prince is become King.