The Steam Experiment

You fucking bitch! You're gonna die!

This is a nice hotel.

Yeah.

Built in the 1900s by a railroad tycoon for his wife.

She was a socialite, had a lotta friends, liked to entertain.

Isn't that a fact?

Yeah... And she died after World War II,

and it was closed for many years, then a corporation bought it.

Now it's being turned into luxury condos.

Luxury condos.

So that's why it's empty, huh?

Yeah.

I'll tell you the truth Grant, we are the last guests.

I bribed a management. They're gonna start renovation on monday.

I gotta tell you I'm impressed.

This is a class-ass act.

Nothing but the best, for the Annabell Dating Service.

What's up man?

My name is James Pettis. I'm here to see Walter Grubbs.

Walter Grubbs... Let's see.

That's the editor in chief, right?

The editor in chief.

Call him.

What, now?

Now.

Well done you.

- Grubbs? - Yeah.

Walter.

Mr. Grubbs,

your wall-clock is 5 minutes fast.

What can I do for you Mr...?

Pettis, James Pettis. You can help me save the world.

Ok, look pal, in two hours I have a deadline, so, uh...

Listen, I... chose you Walter, because you are a man of integrity.

I could've gone to the New York Times,

I could've gone to the Washington Post...

- but I chose, you. - Can I make a suggestion?

- Sure. - Can I make a suggestion here?

- You wanna save the world? - Mh'hm.

Great. Write a letter.

Make it as juicy as you want, and send it to my attention, ok?

I'll see if I can get you a column in the...

"Letters to the Editor" section on Saturday, ok?

Remember? The pen is mightier than the sword, ok?

Ok, and, uh... Walter, I've got a deadline too.

And in about two hours, people are going to die.

Hey, Jack.

What's going on, Bobo?

Who is the lucky girl tonight?

Show me a little respect, will ya? You know I got tires older than you?

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

Tires older than me?

I guess I could call my grandmother.

Maybe she's looking for a date.

If your grandmother still looks like you, I want you to do that.

You think it's easy getting laid, hm?

What'd you think of that, Walter?

Well now, that is quite a story.

All right.

I'm gonna call the press room, I'm gonna tell 'em to hold the presses.

You think you can make the deadline?

Oh yeah, story like this, absolutely.

Thank god you didn't call The Times.

Butchers...

That's putting it kindly.

I'm gonna get a cup of coffee. You want a cup of coffee?

You look tired, let me get you a cup of coffee.

How do you take it? Cream? Sugar?

Surprise me.

Ok.

Yeah, Mancini.

Hey, Walter.

What're you talking about?

- Walter. - Jack.

Thanks for coming.

How's every little thing? Hm?

Listen... uh, I wanna introduce you to J... Jimmy... Pettis.

Hey, Jimmy. Jack Mancini, Grand Rapids Police Department.

How are you?

Walter.

Ah, relax about that.

I know Walter here for years.

Walter.

Besides, it's my night off.

He seemed mesmerized here by your story, huh?

Hey, that's something.

He told me you... uh, you work for the Grand Hotel, huh?

How long you've been employed there?

You still work there?

What'd you do for work now?

Me?

I'm the... head of General Motors.

So, what's all this about a steam room?

Nothing... Apparently, Walter.

Just that... 6 people are locked in one, and in about 2 hours they're gonna die.

Let me get this straight.

You've got six people locked right now in a steam room?

Ever sit in 130 degrees, detective?

Do you know what happens to the body in about two hours?

The lungs... melt. The eyes cauterize.

If you wanna play Trivial Pursuit,

it's on your head, Walter.

All right, Pettis.

Call me Jimmy.

Oh, Jimmy.

Listen... uh,

let's take this slow, ok?

Walter and I are just a couple of peons here...

and we're not... uh, we're not men of great intellect...

like you, and... uh,

just tell us.

Why are you here?

According to the long count of the Mayan calender,

history's gonna end in 2012, not because of spiritual enlightenment,

hundreds of millions of people are gonna die, that's fact.

Hundreds of millions of people will to die... uh, how?

Global warming.

130 degrees in the middle of December.

That's a fact. Three years.

The midwest will be under water,

swallowed by the great lakes.

Maize of corn will be sold by the highest bidder.

Chaos, anarchy, the de-evolution of society as we know it.

All for one and not a soul for all.

De-evolution, chaos, anarchy.

It's gonna make New Orleans look like a candy store.

Let me get this straight.

You've got 6 people locked right now in a steam room,

because you think the world is gonna end in 2012?

My calculations are quite precise.

- Global warming? - Global warming.

Jimmy, the affects of global warming are projected to occur for another...

50 years? That's a lie. In fact, detective,

the affects of global warming...

can be seen right now, because they're being filmed.

Whoa...

You... you're filming what?

Who?

Hold on a second, let's back up.

Jimmy, I'm gonna give you what you want.

Alright? You want the front page? I'm gonna give it to you, ok?

Above in bold, Walter, above in bold.

- Right. Absolutely. - So, we're in agreement?

You got your headline. Now, here is what I want:

I want the names of the hostages, right now.

I wanna know where they are.

I'm not naive, detective. I wanna see my headline, in big bold print.

Then I'll tell you where they are.

Proof.

xxx

Even Jesus and the Virgin Mary decided to join the party, huh?

Hey, I'm Frank, how you doing?

- Christopher. - Christopher?

Good to meet you, brother.

- I'm Grant, what's up? - I'm Christopher.

- Hey, how you doing, man? - I'm Grant, good to meet you, Frank.

Ooh,

it's hot in here, huh?

So Pettis tells me that you're, uh... drafted by the cowboys?

1982 you were at the Browns.

Somebody must have turned up the steam,

temperature just went up about a 100 degrees.

Hi, I'm Catherine.

- I'm Grant, nice to meet you. - Pleasure.

- I'm Margaret. - It's a pleasure, Margaret.

It's hot.

- I'm Christopher. - Hi.

Here we go, here we go, yeah.

Yeah, come on.

Ahh...

Hey... Frank.

I have a suggestion.

Why don't we all say a few words about ourselves and get acquainted?

It's a wonderful idea. But, let's do it... fast.

Just a couple a sentences, nothing more.

James Pettis, if you're watching this.

I love you, man, you're a fucking genius.

Um...

I am an actress,

a former actress,

it... it didn't all work out the way I'd hoped.

I'm from... New York, as in Manhattan.

Likes... I like things dangerous... um,

I like falling in love.

That'd be dangerous.

Dislikes?

When it's over.

Ok, my turn. Um...

ex football player,

I run a charter boat outside Detroit,

I'm from Dallas, Fort Worth originally.

Likes...

Viagra.

Dislikes... the fact I need viagra.

Just keeping it real, Frank.

I own an Italian restaurant in Brooklyn.

Is it yours, or is it just management, or?

Ha... that's funny. Yeah, you're funny.

Listen, anybody comes to New York, I hook you up.

I got the best Italian food in all five burrows.