Workaholics

Ders, I am the better beatboxer.

Blake, your beatbox is a weak-box.

Oh, Blake,

you gonna let him talk to you like that?

You better battle back.

- Yeah. - Now?

- Yep. - No, no. Not now.

I mean, I have to, like, warm up.

- Okay? See? - I would need hot tea.

- Oh. - It's just a whole process.

- Beatbox, Blake! - Let's go.

Okay, just let me put the record on.

Ho, ho, ho!

Ders, is it too hot to handle?

Hit us with it.

All right, here we go, here we go.

Okay.

Well, I'm about to turn in, kids.

What are you gonna do?

We're gonna party, Daddy!

P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-party. P-party, Daddy.

Party, Daddy.

Whoo! Whoo!

It's too hot in here.

Blake, hit 'em with it!

Okay.

Oh, oh, that was goddamn loony tunes.

Adam, we're not that good.

- Mmm. - Yeah.

It's a real gummy meat.

I don't like it when the meat stops being chewy, right?

Because then you get a longer meal.

Because you're chewing. You don't just swallow.

- Right. - Yeah.

You get more bite for your buck.

It's almost like eating a wet paper towel in a way.

Oh. Mm-hmm.

All I know, fellas, is...

Yeah, I mean they're good.

- Great song. - Mm-hmm.

Thanks, man. I want to pitch it to the--

- What's up, brothers? - Mm.

- Hey. - Hey.

It's Cushing.

Cushing Ward. We used to work here together.

Oh, yeah.

- Oh. What's up, dude? - Wow.

I mean, I didn't recognize you.

You've lost a lot of weight, and your--

Your skin looks fantastic. It's so shiny.

- You used to look horrible. - Yeah.

Yeah, well, I lost, like, 70 pounds,

started using essential oils, 2-4-7, 3-6-5.

- Sure. - That's cool.

I can relate because I recently lost four pounds

and started using a loofah with Old Spice Swagger.

So we're like the same dude.

Yeah, totally. Totally, man. So what's the deal?

I'm getting, like, a real "Ballers" vibe from you, man.

You working with athletes? Is that what that is?

No, I'm still doing telemarketing for TAC.

Work at the Van Nuys branch.

Just dropped something off for Alice.

What?

You--you're a telemarketer and you drive a Porsche?

No, you a coke dealer.

That's how you got so skinny, huh?

No, no, no, no, no, still working at Van Nuys.

Just a whole different world over there.

Huh.

Guy that runs the place, JP, is just a real leader.

If it wasn't for him,

I'd probably still be living with a bunch of dudes,

smoking weed all day, eating Yoshinoya,

driving my old shitty car, not this car.

Yeah, I'm with you, man.

I drive that Range Rover.

That's mine. That's what I drive.

- I own that car. - Yep.

- So... - It's backing away, your car.

Ah, okay, so...

that lady's probably taking it for a wash, you know?

- I'll see you around? - Yeah.

Be sure and wax it.

Hi, Alice. Question...

Do you have any idea how much time we waste here

doing dumb-ass beatbox competitions?

She probably doesn't.

Do you even know how many naps we've taken today?

I'll tell you, Alice. Three.

And as far as I'm concerned, that's one too many.

Yeah.

Okay, I don't know what this is about,

but I do not have time, okay?

I have a very big presentation coming up now.

And there it is right there--

everything that's wrong with you as a so-called "leader."

- Yeah. - See that? It was in quotes.

Yeah, and that is why we're so-called "losers,"

because you don't lead us good, okay?

I'm an idiot 'cause you're a bozo.

- Deep down, I'm a great man. - Yeah.

And a true pimp playboy for real.

But you're don't inspire that out of us.

In fact, you're always yelling at us,

acting like a total bitch.

Excuse me?

I was, um...

"Acting," he said.

- "Acting like a bitch." - I did say "acting."

- Yeah. - We're not calling you a bitch.

We're saying that things you do are that of a bitch.

Right, you have bitch-ish ways about you.

- Bitch-ishness. - Yeah, bitchy, bitchy.

- Yeah, just a little bit. - Yeah.

- Act. Acting. - Okay, that is it.

Everybody out now.

That's kind of what we're talking about.

Unless you want to be fired.

No, but how about a transfer to TAC-Van Nuys?

Yeah, because the boss there is a true leader, unlike you.

And he's gonna inspire us to be great men

and true playboy pimps for real.

Okay, so I no longer have to waste valuable time

on stupid shit like this?

- That's right. - Consider it done.

- You'll start there tomorrow. - Okay.

Well, now that we're not working together,

I was hoping that me and you could--

Hello?

Are you sure this is it?

Hello?

Sell me.

Uh, okay, sell you what?

Sell me on each other.

Sell me on why you deserve to work here.

Well, hi.

You're here with a guy name Blake Henderson.

This guy's good.

He could--he could sell sand to Sandra Bullock,

who probably doesn't need sand.

She's probably got a beach house in Malibu, right?

And if you don't hire him, you're gonna regret it

for your whole life,

and you'll probably end up dying of regret cancer,

which is a real thing-- my aunt died from it.

She regretted smoking her whole life.

Yeah, yeah.

My good friend,

Adam "The Money Boy" DeMamp, is a sales shark.

He's a hammerhead.

Oh, no, more like a phone-head shark, because this dude--

it's basically like he has a phone attached to his head,

and he's circling those sales.

But actually, I want to move the spotlight

over to my dude Anders Holmvik, okay?

And I want to move the spotlight back to me

because I didn't like that last one.

So let's just do a couple more about me.

Okay, yeah, and I'll get back to you--

Stop. I've made my decision.

And, boys, I'm buying what you're selling.

All right.

Yeah. Right on.

You’ve got one week to prove that you belong here permanently.

Congrats, boys. Welcome to TAC-Van Nuys,

or as JP here likes to call it...

The motherfucking Dough Jo.

Dough Jo. Dough Jo. Dough Jo.

Now, who her wants a Carl's Jr. sausage, egg,

and cheese biscuit coupon?

- That's mine! - I caught one.

Oh, wow. Gorgeous photos.

Herb Ritts shoot these?

No, my boy Juan Carlos took these.

Crazy talented.

Shot Brooke Burke for the cover of "Stuff" magazine.

- Wow. - I love "Stuff" magazine.

Hey, whoa. You can't go in there.

That leads to JP's office.

It's off-limits, except for VIPs.

- VIPs. - VIPs.

And these are gonna be your offices.

Wait. We get our own offices?

TAC-Van Nuys, baby.

Just call down to Shannon, the office manager.

Let her know what decor you prefer,

and she'll make it happen.

I love decor.

- Yeah! - All right. Look, my name.

You'll also find new suits as well as the hair gel

and essential oils that JP recommends.

Get changed.

JP's blasting off a speech in ten.

- Be there! - Okay!

So here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna take this week.

We're gonna butt-fuck it until it dumps Monday!

Fuck, yes!

- Yes! - Fuck, yes!