Seinfeld

Do you know what this is all about? Why we're here?

To be out. This is out.

And out is one of the single most

enjoyable experiences of life.

Do you know how people talk about "We should go out"?

This is what they're talking about.

This whole thing.

We're all out now. No one is home.

Not one person here is home. We're all out. There are people

trying to find us. They don't know where we are.

"Did you re...? I can't find him. Where did he go?

"He didn't tell me where he was going.

He must have gone out."

You wanna go out. You get ready, you pick out

the clothes, right?

You take the shower, get all ready,

get the cash, get your friends,

the car, the spot, the reservation.

Then you stand around. What do you do? You go,

"We gotta be getting back."

Once you're out, you wanna get back.

You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up,

you wanna go out again tomorrow, right?

Wherever you are in life,

it's my feeling, you've gotta go.

See that? To me, that button's in the worst possible spot.

The second button literally makes or breaks the shirt.

Look at it. It's too high.

It's in no man's land.

You look like you live with your mother.

Are you through?

You do, of course, try on when you buy.

Yes, it was purple. I liked it.

I don't actually recall considering the buttons.

Oh, you don't recall.

Er, n-no, not at this time.

Well, senator, I'd just like to know

what you knew and when you knew it.

Mr. Seinfeld,

Mr. Costanza.

Are you sure this is decaf?

Where's the orange indicator?

It's missing.

I have to do it in my head.

Decaf left,

regular right.

Decaf left,

regular right.

It's very challenging work.

Can you relax? It's a cup of coffee.

Claire's a professional waitress.

Trust me, George.

No one has any interest in seeing you on caffeine.

How come you're not doing the second show tomorrow?

Well, there's this, uh, woman who might be coming in.

Wait a second. Wait a second.

What coming in? What woman is coming in?

I told you about Laura, the girl I met in Michigan.

No, you didn't.

I thought I told you about her.

Yeah. She teaches political science,

I met her the night I did the show in Lansing.

Huh.

- There's no milk in here. - Wait, wait, wait.

- Why's there no milk? - What is she...? What is she like?

Oh, she's really great.

She's got, like, a real warmth about her.

And she's really bright and really pretty and...

And the conversation, though, I mean, it was...

You know, talking with her, it was like talking with you,

but, you know, obviously much better.

So, you know, wh-what happened?

Well, nothing happened, you know.

But it was great.

Oh, nothing happened, but it was...

This is great!

- Yeah. Yeah. - So, you know she called

and said she wants to go out with you tomorrow night?

God bless.

You devil, you.

Yeah. Well, not exactly.

I mean, she said...

You know, she called this morning and said

she had to come in for a seminar,

and maybe we'd get together.

So, you know...

Oh, oh, oh.

"Had to"? Y-yeah.

- "Had to come in"? - Yeah, but...

- "Had to come in"? - Yeah, but...

"And maybe we'll get together"?

"Had to" and "maybe"?

Yeah. No,

no.

No, I hate to tell you this.

You're not gonna see this woman.

What? Are you serious? Why...? Why did she call?

What do I know? Maybe, you know, she wanted to be polite.

To be polite?

- You are insane. - All right. All right.

I didn't want to tell you this.

- Wanna know why she called? - Yes.

You're a backup.

You're a second line,

a "just in case,"

a B plan,

a contingency.

Oh, I get it. This is about the button.

Claire. Claire, you're a woman, right?

What gave it away, George?

I'd like to ask you...

Ask you to analyze

a hypothetical phone call,

you know, from a female point of view.

Oh, come on, now.

What are you asking her?

Now, how's she gonna know?

Please. Now,

- a woman calls me, right? - Mm-hmm.

She says she has to...

No.

Come to New York on business...

- You are beautiful. - And...

And maybe...

she'll see me when she gets in.

Does this woman intend to spend time with me?

I'd have to say, uh... no.

So why did she call?

- Be polite. - To be polite. I rest my case.

Good, good. Did you have fun?

You have no idea what you're talking about.

Now, come with me. I gotta go get my stuff out of the dryer.

I'm not gonna watch you do laundry.

Oh, come on. Be a "come-with" guy.

Come on. I'm tired.

Don't worry. I gave him a little caffeine.

He'll perk up.

Right. I knew I felt something.

I can't...

Boom.

Jerry...

I have to tell you something.

This is the dullest moment I've ever experienced.

Oh, look at this guy.

Look at... He's got everything.

He's got detergents, sprays, fabric softener.

This is not his first load.

I need a break, Jerry.

You know, I gotta get out of the city.

I feel so cramped...

And you didn't hear how she sounded.

- What? - Laura.

I can't believe... We already discussed this.

Yeah, but how could you be so sure?

Because it's

signals, Jerry.

It's signals. Don't you...?

All right. Did she even ask you

what you were doing tomorrow night,

if you were busy? No.

She calls you today,

she doesn't make a plan for tomorrow?

What is that? It's Saturday night.

- Yeah. - What is that? It's ridiculous.

You don't even know what hotel she's staying at.

You can't call her.

That's a signal, Jerry.

That's a signal.

Signal.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I'm right?

Of course I'm right.

Mm-hmm.

This is insane.

You know, I don't even know where she's staying.

She's... She's not gonna call me.

It's unbelievable.

I know, I know. It's tough.

Listen, your stuff has to be done by now.

Why don't you just see if it's dry? Just...

No, no, no. Don't interrupt the cycle.

The machine is working.

It knows what it's doing. Just let it finish.

You're gonna overdry it.

You can't overdry.

Why not?

Same reason you can't overwet.

You see, once something is wet, it's wet.

Same thing with death.

Like, once you die, you're dead. Right?

Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you.

You not gonna die again. You're already dead.

You can't "overdie," you can't overdry.

Any questions?

How could she not tell me where she was staying?

Look at that. They're done.

Look at that. Dry!

Laundry day is the only exciting day

in the life of clothes.

It is. No, think about it.