How I Met Your Mother

Kids, October of 2012 kicked off

The Autumn of Breakups.

And Barney, having broken his engagement with Quinn,

was slowly trying to pick himself back up.

Welcome to Bangtoberfest!

Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt!

I'm back!

Have a Bangtoberfest T-shirt!

I'm single again!

Sorry about your eye!

I'm available!

"Bangtoberfest:

This Time It's Really Not Personal."

Barney, you just went through

some really big emotional stuff.

You need to give yourself some time to heal.

Robin, I spent seven grand on merch.

This is happening.

Hey.

Hey. Hi, Marshall.

So, Lily's dad just showed up

two days ago unannounced.

Remember when I bought all those

Mexican fireworks so I'd never

have to buy Christmas presents again?

Oh, God, you blew up the house.

: Blew up the house?

Oh, no.

Nothing like that, no.

No, the fireworks blew up the garage.

The house burned down.

Holy frijoles,

do I smell brownies?

We covered that fire on the news.

I had no idea "naked man runs back into inferno

to rescue potato salad" was Mickey.

My hour's up. Your turn, Marshall.

Oh, no.

Baby Marvin, did you just go poo-poo?

Craziest thing.

He just went poo-poo this very second.

Are you sure this

poo-poo didn't happen on your watch

and you just ran out the clock until it was my problem?

: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, right.

What kind of mother lets her son sit in his own filth

for an extra nine minutes and 42 seconds?

I got my eye on you, Aldrin.

It's watering right now, but I got my eye on you.

I can't believe I have to go

back to work on Monday and we still haven't found a nanny.

Well, if Grandpa Mickey's there, couldn't he just...

: Are you kidding?

My dad was never there for me when I was a kid.

And when he was...

What's wrong, Daddy?

Oh, Daddy can't pick a horse to save his freakin' life.

All I need is just one lucky number.

Hey, when's your birthday?

Today.

Well...

We've got to find a nanny, and my dad's definitely not it.

Well, um, and this doesn't solve your nanny problem,

but if you're in need of a babysitter,

Nick and I could do it.

We're really clicking as a couple.

Um, if any couple is clicking these days,

it's me and Victoria.

Do you think that you and Victoria

are clicking more than me and Nick?

Do you think you and Nick are...

Oh, that's precious.

Kids, when you're in a new relationship

and you're competing with your ex for who's happier,

it can get ugly.

Anyway, I should get going.

I have to go get a key made for Nick.

For my apartment.

Ha-burn.

Hey, maybe the locksmith who made the key

I gave to Victoria will give you a deal.

Oh, wait, he won't remember me.

It was three weeks ago.

Ha-double burn.

Nick signed for a package when I wasn't there.

Victoria keeps tampons at my apartment.

Damn it!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

The next day, Lily and Marshall's

nanny search hit pay dirt.

: Mr. and Mrs. Eriksen,

I promise to create a safe, nurturing environment

full of learning, laughter and love.

So that even when

we have to eat lima beans

or we get a boo-boo on our knee,

we know everything will be just fine.

And do you know why?

Because you're an angel sent from heaven?

I want to bury my head in the safety of your bosom.

Because Mrs. Buckminster is here.

The search is over.

Mrs. Buckminster, we just need to know your salary.

Oh, delightful!

Well, my weekly fee is...

There, there.

I'm sure you'll find someone you like just as much.

No, we won't!

Not like you!

Hey, Robin, can I borrow a stamp?

Oh, wait, this wedding reply card already has one.

Why, you ask?

Victoria and I are RSVPing to a wedding...

in Jamaica...

six months from now.

Ha-triple burn.

Oh.

Jamaica.

Yeah.

That's an island, right?

Depends where you're going with this.

All the way to the island of Hawaii.

Why, you ask?

Well, I was invited

to spend New Year's there...

last night when I met Nick's parents.

Ha-aloha burn.

Have you, um,

met Victoria's parents, Ted?

As a matter of fact, I haven't.

Because they're dead.

Are they, Ted?

Are they really dead?

No.

Damn it!

Bangtoberfest is a flop!

I can't think of an innovative way to bang chicks

that properly honors my return to the game.

Sure, I've tried some old reliables.

: Ten unpaid parking tickets?

I suppose there is one way I could... "get you off."

: No!

I've used that admittedly awesome line a thousand times.

: You're better than this, Barney!

: Well, the evidence is pretty incriminating, but...

I suppose there is one way I could "get you off."

: Damn it! What?

Bangtoberfest is about innovation,

about ideas.

Bangtoberfest used to mean something.

You just made it up yesterday.

Enough questions.

I need time to think!

So, how's the nanny search going, Lil?

Lousy.

Mrs. Buckminster was a spoonful of sugar.

But so far, everyone we can afford on this Web site

But Lily and Marshall needed a nanny,

so they forged ahead with their search.

So, zero experience as a nanny?

Right. But in rehab, I was in charge of the cats.

And only two died, so I figured...

: I'm available.

How do you feel about spanking?

For eight bucks an hour, you can do whatever you want to me.

: I'm available.

Dad, we know.

: I wasn't talking to you.

Finally, they met Julie Jorgensen.

You're from St. Cloud, Minnesota?

I'm from St. Cloud.

Really? Oh, you must know my dad, George Jorgensen?

Of course.

George Jorgensen's Organs.

Last year, my brother joined the business.

Really? Who knew that Morgan Jorgensen would go into organs?

Anyway, Julie...

Is it still called George Jorgensen's Organs

or did they change it to George Jorgensen and Son Organs?

They changed it to George and Morgan Jorgensen's Organs.

Guess whose idea that was?

Morgan's. Morgan's.

They just opened a new shop out of state.

Oh, yeah? Where? Oregon.

What's that one called?

Piano Town.

Well, you have experience,

and I think it's safe to say you have my husband's approval.

What's your salary?

Oh, um, it's right there.

Julie, we would love for you to be our nanny.

Oh, thank you so much.

Um, I just have one last interview today,

but to be honest, I can't imagine

liking anyone more than I like you guys.

Oh...

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Yay.

Well, she was a total bitch.