Sifu Vs Vampire (天師鬥殭屍)

Subtitles From DVD9 uploaded at Asian DVD Club by bob68

"Ring around the Rosie,"

"Pocket full of posies,"

"Ashes, ashes."

'We all fall down..."

"Ring around the Rosie,"

"Pocket full of posies,"

"Ashes, ashes."

'We all fall down..."

"Ring around the Rosie,"

"Pocket full of posies,"

"Ashes, ashes."

'We all fall down..."

I didn't think you would show up.

Where is my sister?

We have been waiting for you.

Boo! You're gonna pop your cherry tonight!

Bugger off you two!

You two dimwits

I should chop your balls off

- and make keyrings with them. - Forget them losers.

Piss off!

I'm not the one with my tits hanging out. Slut!

You should wear an "Occupied" sign around your tits!

Actually,

I did see something hanging on her tits.

Those are nipple rings you retard!

Brother, some people called me a dimwit,

I need your toughest guys pronto!

You two dimwits take care of it your damn selves,

I'm "occupied".

That's all you had to say! Brother is sending his best guys out.

Who are these guys?

Us two...

What the?

Snakey Honey...

Baby,

Wait a second.

Do you still get possessed these days?

Not since that Tao master you hired

banged the spirits out of me...

I have been waiting for this...

Honey you suck like a pro!

Awesome

It feels like 3 of you sucking me off...

That's right, all three of us are sucking you right now...

You can suck but please no biting...

No promises, I will try my best...

This place is filled with DTF chicks...

- What's DTF? - Cheers!

Nicky,

that chick gave me the bedroom eyes!

Sorry Boo, she was checking me out...

Hi, what's your name?

Nicky!

I'm the Alpha male, of course I get dips!

- Now go! - Then who's gonna pop my cherry?

This guy is a registered sex offender... I tell him to piss off...

OK, Piss off...

Yeah! Piss off...

We go shag like feral rabbits!

OK, rabbits!

Feral rabbits!

You smell like a retired Russian tennis player...

Yet I can't resist you...

You have huge...

Balls!

Dude?

Tranny fanny?!

This is a robbery!

Whatever you say.

Spare a twenty for the taxi?

What are you doing?

Slop!

WTF! Do you know who you're messing with?

They call me Nicky Blade, I'm gonna cut you!

You Tranny,

I should cut off your balls and make keyrings!

Slop!

I...I'm...

Hang on, just hang on!

Help! Somebody Help!

Somebody!

Somebody!

Hang on okay, stay away from the tunnel,

don't follow the light!

What's your name?

Huh?

Your...Name?

I'm Nicky, people call me Big Nicky.

To...morrow...

To-morrow...

Tomorrow is a brand new day!

Stay with me, we're almost there...

He...He pushed me...

Who? Who pushed you?

Breathe, breathe...

We are here, the doctors are here!

We're almost there!

Think happy thoughts! I got you!

Thank you,

I owe you one...

Don't sleep!

What a waste of a perfect 10!

- Who? - Hey bro, it's Boo!

Announciate your words!

Nicky!

Brother Snake's wife got possessed by demons,

they are taking Brother Snake's dick hostage...

We need your help!

What? She is holding his dick hostage?

- What are her demands? - Heck if I know, just get here now!

You're a woman, what would you give up a dick for?

Yo, let me get a light,

"Master Charlie Chiang: 2014 Year of the Horse Chinese Zodiac Forecast"

Oh, this is that Feng Shui master on TV,

published author no less...

This is Charlie Chiang speaking, leave a message and I will call you back.

Master Chiang, my boss's mistress is possessed by demons,

Star Mansion room 5B Causeway,

money is no issue, come quick!

Where in the hell is that Nicky!?

He's on his way! Hey!

You are dead if he doesn't show!

He'll show, I swear!

That guy has no honor!

Who says!?

This is on you! She is possessed, again!

- Careful! - Come out,

come out wherever you are!

I am right here!

What's up with Big Sis's voice Brother?

That wasn't her, it was the demon!

That's right, don't forget about me, me too!

That's way too many...

So this is a demon orgy?

They come and go as they please, she is like their village bicycle

Fix this now...she's grinding her teeth!

Brother, you really need someone

who would take a bullet for you...

Where am I gonna find someone like that?

Get me something to wedge between her teeth...

Rock and Paper,

I take Paper...

Me too,

Me three...

- Okay - Okay

Losers say...

My brother,

I haven't done much for you honestly,

it's time for me to

pay it forward,

If you have to suck a dick tonight Big Sis,

let it be mine!

Thank god I saved a sausage for Boo...

Run!

Big sis!

Big sis!

She tied our dicks together!!!

Let's see how you like it!

Big Sis, please!

I wanna "French" you!

Please, don't hurt "Little Nicky'...

Master!

Demon!

Master Charlie Chiang is really here!

Demon, I got your eviction notice right here!

Damn Taoist...why don't you eat shit and die!

No body shits on the Master!

It's not possible...

a piece of shit this size without breakage, it's not possible...

It's time for a bath I say...

Run!

Red Ribbon!

Wind...

Earth...

Lightening!

Reveal yourselves at once demons!

Spirit Trap!

Damnation awaits you demons!

I told you I got your back Bro!

Master Chiang, I didn't think you would show up!

It's fate, I suppose...

Kid, you look like shit!

I know!

Come to my office tomorrow, let me take a good look.

Thanks Master!

Master,

is my wife gonna be okay?

No worries,

I will give her a lucky charm, remember to pray daily,

she'll be back on her knees in no time.

Ling Xin!

Honey, what's wrong with me?

"Master Charlie Chiang Metaphysics"

Those demons are pretty badass,

lucky you found me.

You two could have gotten possessed yourselves...

The fact that you found me...

The universe must have plans for you yet...