The Last O.G.

In prison, I read the entire dictionary,

but dallying through the dictionary

turned out to be an exercise in futility,

ineffectiveness, and uselessness...

until I read the Whooping Crane mates for life.

That was inspiring.

That means even if the male crane gets locked up,

the girl crane stays alone until they are reunited.

She certainly doesn't nest up with some white-feather.

Johnny-come-lately Crane from Connecticut.

I mean, what kind of shit is that, Shay...

I mean, Crane?!

That plane leaves the ground and you're not with him,

you'll regret it.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,

but soon and for the rest of your life.

Come on, Gustavo. Put the game on.

Gustavo, don't you touch that fuckin' remote, man.

It's "Casablanca." It's a classic.

Why would I wanna watch this, Tray?

A bunch of white folks standin' around talkin'.

On the surface.

It's really about two lovers

who ain't seen each other in years.

Now they got people and obstacles all in their way.

You know something?

This movie is about me.

This movie about me and Shay.

I'm Rick Blaine, and she's the woman.

Just like this movie, I'm gonna get my girl back.

Watch!

Actually, Rick doesn't get her back.

She leaves with that dude Victor.

Mm.

Turn this shit off, Gustavo. Thank you.

Finally.

Damn it!

That brings shit up, man.

Got me all heat now, man.

My girl, man!

Got a new life. New man.

Happy as shit.

I can't even sleep

because of this bullshit going down.

Actually, what you need to do, my man,

is get a fresh start.

The only way to get over your old bitch

is to get a new bitch.

Speak your truth, Gustavo.

Go on a date, man. It's healthy.

Fuck you know about healthy? You're a sex offender.

I can introduce you to somebody if you want.

Big Country, not in the mood.

Not interested.

Bet I could change your mind.

- Ain't gonna happen. - Okay, okay.

Big Country, you wastin' your time.

My ex is dope! She got the package...

Intelligence, sense of humor, and vagina!

Somebody say "vagina"?

Oh, ho!

Yeah, y'all gonna make room for an expert right here,

'cause "Pussy" is my middle name.

Did y'all just hear that?

He said his name is "Pussy."

I did not say it was... I said it was my middle name!

You know what?

You might think you got a lot of them jokes,

but I'ma tell you...

I knew a guy who had spent a long time in prison.

When he got out after doing his bid,

hadn't used his stuff.

You end up with testicular atrophy.

That is blue balls.

This was very severe.

The... The balls had dried up and withered up,

and one of them was like a raisin.

Yeah, you know what?

I think the one-ball fellow was you.

He most certainly was not.

Well, show us your nut sack, Mullins.

I'm... I'm not showing you my nut sack!

- Show us both of 'em. - Nut sack!

- Nut sack? - Nut sack! Nut sack!

Nut sack! Nut sack! Nut sack!

I ain't showin' you nothing!

Tray!

Come here! This is Krystal.

Now, I snuck her up here to meet you.

Hey, Tray.

Um...

I think you should get to know her like today

because tomorrow, she is booked.

Krystal, you're probably a nice person,

but I think I'm gonna pass.

Well, if you change your mind...

you know where to find me.

The Bronx?

Look, you gotta get back out there, baby.

Let me introduce to the future, all right?

I'm gonna take a couple of photos.

I got some costumes.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Write your little bio.

And then before you know it,

you're gonna be swimming in tenderonis, man!

Fine.

All right, all right, okay.

First, we gotta seduce them into swiping right.

You know what I'm saying?

That's how they... They let you know they're feelin' you or whatever.

So, we gotta highlight your best features.

- You know what I mean? - My features?

Ye... Okay, okay, all right.

For example...

you got nice eyes, son.

I do?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, so how about this...

So, what... what... What did Shay like about you?

She liked, uh...

She liked my stroke.

Okay, all right. We gonna put that.

"Stroke"...

My foot game... My foot-rub game.

- "Foot-rub game"... - Foot-rub game.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

She liked my cooking.

Okay.

Most of all, she liked my sense of humor.

- Most of all. - Okay.

And I'm a great provider.

A'ight. And...

But my money ain't movin' like that right now, Bobby.

What that got...

No, these broke-ass thots don't need all that, son!

Look, that's what's dope about the app.

You can lie your ass off!

You can... Matter of fact, let me show you that.

Where you get the horse from?

The stables at Prospect Park.

$42 an hour.

It paid for itself in ass that night.

Genius movie, but that don't even look like you, Bobby.

I know!

Oh, come on. Yo, come on, son.

One date. One date!

I already did that with Shay!

We had something special, man.

Locked and loaded. We was together!

All right, all right.

A little tough love right now, all right?

Shay ain't thinkin' 'bout you, cuz.

She thinkin' about the man

she wakin' up to every morning she married,

she raisin' kids with.

Meanwhile, you at home starin' at the ass print

from Big Country's top bunk!

It ain't heathy, Tray.

- Here, put it on there. - Ha ha!

Let's... Come on, let's take some pictures, baby!

Let's go.

It's all love, baby. Show the...

Yeah, let me see the flower.

Let me see the flower. Uhn!

Bam... There it is. Put it up in the air.

Put it up in the air like you a VIP.

Ow!

You in the club. Wap, wap!

That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get it wet now! Unh!

All right, come on, son, give me the Denzel.

Come on, I'm talking '90s Denzel, man.

Hold the g... Get the gun in.

Hold the gun in. Yeah, n-no...

Nah, I'm talkin' about "Glory."

"Glory"? You didn't say "Glory."

Yeah, now "Fences"! You givin' me...

Yes! Yes!

Oh, that's it. That's it. All right.

Bobby, I'm tired of this, man.

You got me crying all day, man.

Come on, don't do that right now!

What you want? What you want?

Get me a wing and a keel breast and a biscuit.

All right, let me get a wing,

keel breast, and a biscuit.

Let me get a, uh... Let me get a two-piece.

Take it Jay. He'll get that.

- Any bites yet? - Not a clue.

What are you doing?

No, come on, son!

I need you to focus, baby.

- Let's go, man. - I'm getting to it.

Yo, you not getting to it! You lollygagging!

You starin' at Shay right now, m...

All right. Listen, I'ma... I'ma get you right.

Hold up. Let me open up this app real quick.

Boom, boom, boom.

There it is.