Poison

Coffee.

Here you go. Thank you, goodbye. -Thank you.

Come here, little one.

Hi, this is Edith. I can't come today; I'm not feeling well.

Sorry, it's nothing serious. Just a bit of a cold.

I'll be back on Monday.

It was.

Oh, you're already there.

Are you leaving? -No!

I mean, I just got here. -Okay.

Yes, I...

Still on the bike?

Yes.

And you?

Nee.

Not on my bike, no! Of course not.

Your flowers. Flowers.

Oh, yes.

I didn't know if you would come.

I wanted to call you to tell you I was coming.

But I'm not much of a caller. -I know that.

Have you been to his grave yet?

Yes.

Looks nice.

I'm doing my best. -Yes.

I was afraid it would look like a construction site.

Nee.

No, fortunately not.

So we just have to wait here?

Yeah, I think so.

You haven't changed at all.

Then don't get too close.

It still looks the same as it did 10 years ago.

The tree is gone...

at his grave. -Yes.

He had some kind of illness.

Yes.

I thought it was because of the poison. -No, it has nothing to do with that.

Okay.

How many graves do they have to move?

I don't really know.

We'll find out soon enough.

Do you want something? -What?

Coffee, tea, water? -Oh, no, no, no! Thanks.

Okay, thank you.

I find this difficult. -Well...

let's hear what they have to say first.

No, I...

No, I mean, waiting here together, and me not having seen you in years.

I don't know about you.

You don't know how I am. I don't know what to say, and I have to pee.

Well, then you must go.

I mean going to pee.

Yes.

Actually best to drink.

You know what I find strange?

That things only happen when they no longer matter.

When you don't need it anymore.

Are you talking about me?

So...

you don't care whether i'm here or not?

I'm not saying that.

That's what it sounds like.

But I don't mean it that way. I mean it in a positive way.

That...

that you discover that you can do without something, that you no longer need it.

Isn't that positive?

Yes, but are you glad I'm here or not? -Yes, I'm very glad you're here.

Okay. -That we're here together.

Washed up, so to speak. -So you feel washed up?

Yes.

What...

What was that?

What happened? -Is he hurt?

Come here.

Is he okay? - I don't know.

31 december 2012.

It's been a long time, hasn't it?

31 december 2012...

at 10 past 7.

7:10? -The door closed.

I looked at the clock, 7:10.

I have never forgotten it.

What did you actually do that night?

Or don't you remember? -Yes.

Of course.

I drove to...

Mom's beach house, just before midnight.

I stopped at a gas station and I was going to call you, but then...

I thought, you damn idiot.

I mean, who leaves on a day like this and then calls at midnight? So...

So, I didn't call.

You know what I noticed?

How often you do things that you actually don't want to do.

Are you talking about that night? -No, no!... I mean...

I mean, yeah, probably.

You don't have to apologize. -I don't either. It's more...

An insight long after the event. I mean...

we all end up in the same place in the end.

We do things we'd rather not do...

or we leave things that we would rather do.

Funny, isn't it? You have to laugh.

Hearing that from you, I find it funny.

You have to laugh. Yes, hilarious.

It's funny, isn't it?

Are you hurt now? -No!

You're not suddenly offended, are you?

What are you going to do?

I need to go outside for a moment.

But they can come any time.

Do you want to record? -No!

Not important?

Don't you find it weird...

to see each other again here after all these years ?

I find it bizarre.

A bizarre twist of fate, right?

I haven't really thought about it.

You're seeing me for the first time in 10 years...

here, in this place.

And you didn't really think about it.

Unbelievable.

Is there anything you've thought about? -What do you mean?

About that letter, for example? -Let's hear what they say first.

What are the options, the costs... -The costs?

Yes, the costs.

We're talking about Jacob and you start talking about money?

Sorry, I didn't mean it that way.

You know that too. It's ridiculous to pretend I meant it that way.

Was it?

Edi? -I'm hungry.

Here.

You used to be addicted to that stuff.

I'm trying to cut down.

Did you know I was addicted to sleeping pills?

According to my doctor, they couldn't do any harm...

and it was normal for a woman in my circumstances.

After everything I had been through, very normal.

Isn't that reassuring?

That it won't get out of hand. The addiction.

Well, no way.

Do you know what the worst thing about addiction is?

That it's so hard to get rid of? - That it's so easy to get one.

It happens before you know it.

You start with half a piece and then another, and another.

But not every night. Only when absolutely necessary, of course.

And it is really necessary.

So many things are increasingly necessary.

Things in small bottles...

or in handy blister packs.

And before you know it, you're taking one every night.

For a long time I hoped that I could leave things behind...

could start over again.

Nonsense, of course.

It will never be the same again. No matter what you try, a new house, new...

friends, new job.

Is that what you want?

Not you?

Erase everything and start over.

Yes, but where should you start?

Where? -At what point would you start?

What do you want to erase and how do you know that what comes next will be better?

What a stupid question.

Sorry.

I miss him.

I miss him just as much now as I did then. Is that strange?

And do you miss him?

I think about him every day, if that's what you mean.

I mean, do you still miss him?

I don't really know what I would be missing.

So you don't miss him?

I've come to terms with it.

That he's gone? -No, that I miss him, every day.

I think about him every day.

Suffering is addictive. There should be rehab centers for it...

with compulsory admission.

Sounds a little crazy, right?

It sounds cold.

Distant.

Like it's not about you.

Yes, it sounds like an opinion people have when it's not about them.

Such a casual remark.

The idea that you are in control of your own life...

and also about your own suffering.

Yes, but it is true.

Don't you think so?

To a certain extent... -No, I don't think so, no!

Do you think it matters what you do or don't do...

that you are rewarded or punished?

What am I supposed to learn from this? That question makes me sick to my stomach.

What am I supposed to learn from this? Nothing.

That life can be shit sometimes, really shit for some people...

for completely inexplicable reasons.

Why have n't you been heard from for over 10 years ?

Or explain why you left. -You know that very well.

A little explanation would be nice. -Okay.

Okay, so if I explain it or if I say I'm sorry, would that make a difference?

Sometimes it's nice to hear that you were right.

Okay, sorry.

I'm sorry.

Do you feel better now?