The Pink Panther 2

I now bring to your attention....

...one of the most stunning treasures in the British Library's entire collection.

The Magna Carta.

And now, over here...

...perhaps the most cherished ancient artifact in the Western world.

The Shroud of Turin.

The Imperial Sword!

Chief Inspector Dreyfus is here to see you.

- Chief Inspector. - Sir.

I'm sure you know why you're here.

The British, the Italians and the Japanese are assembling an elite squad...

...of their finest detectives...

...an international Dream Team to track down this Tornado.

- And France will be represented? - Exactly.

I am honored, but not surprised.

This is the culmination of my career.

The moment that I've been waiting for all my life.

- No, no, no. - Well, not all my life, perhaps...

- No, no. - No. Nevertheless...

They want Clouseau, since he is considered the top detective in the world.

We have been asked if Clouseau is available to lead the Dream Team.

- Clouseau? - Yes, yes.

- Is there something wrong? - No, no, not at all.

Would you mind if I use your bathroom just for a moment?

- Certainly. - Thank you.

Clouseau.

I'm afraid, sir, that Clouseau is currently occupied.

- What? - I've assigned him to a mission...

...so important for our country...

...that I fear for our national security if he was taken off it.

Clearly a violation.

Parking ticket.

What is this for?

Thirty-one centimeters from the curb, nine centimeters too far.

Nine centimeters into the seamy black underbelly of crime.

- You must take the ticket. Take it. - Never!

You must take the ticket.

You're not wearing your seatbelt.

You are going to have to go to traffic school.

Pardon me.

- Stop this car immediately. - Okay.

Right.

- Are you finished yet? - Complete and operational.

Chief Inspector, your new system will monitor and record...

...every word and every movement in this room.

So, if anyone breaks in, what happens?

Your office is linked to the elite Black Berets. They will be here in seconds.

Sir, Inspector Clouseau is here to see you.

Send him in.

- Clouseau? - I have to appoint him to the Dream Team.

- Clouseau? - Don't ask, don't...

Good afternoon, Chief Inspector. I'm here with my report.

This darn Medal of Honor.

You're so fortunate you never got one, Chief Inspector.

You look so tidy having no honors or other forms of distinguishing decor.

Why don't you wear it under your shirt, you know, out of sight?

Brilliant idea, Chief Inspector. That way it won't clang around.

Now, the parking ticket situation.

Over the last six weeks, I've given out almost four parking tickets.

One at the musйe, overtime.

And one, you'll recall, to you, in violation of the bent-license-plate law.

- Yes, I recall. - It's all there in the report.

Fascinating. Well, I shall waste no time in reading it.

And just in case, I've deftly cataloged, numbered and cross-referenced...

...each offense here in my little black book.

Now, Clouseau, you remember when I first put you on that parking ticket detail...

Yes, you explained it was a top level assignment.

And that if anyone ever asked you if I was the one who had assigned you...

...to this incredibly important mission, you would deny it.

Chief Inspector, I don't even know what you are talking about.

Good work, Clouseau.

Now, to business. I have been instructed to reassign you...

Clouseau?

Clouseau.

We were being recorded.

- The Black Berets. - The password. What is the password?

- I don't know. - Four, three...

- We weren't yet told. - ...two, one.

Hamburger.

Thank you, sir. Have a nice day.

- The password was "hamburger"? - No, "hamburger".

- I said "hamburger". - No, you said "hamburger".

- Hamburger? - Hamburger.

How did you know that we were being recorded?

Easy, Inspector.

This pen emits a small beeping noise whenever it detects microwaves.

- RadioShack. $12. - What?

- How did you know the password? - This little LED chip decodes passwords.

I had it attached to the back of my Medal of Honor.

- RadioShack? - EBay. I got this there, too.

- What do you think this is? - A tape recorder?

No. It only looks like a tape-recorder. It's actually a pen.

So you can write with it and no one will know.

Bingo!

Now, you were saying, Inspector.

- You are being reassigned. - Let me read your mind.

The Tornado is at large, and you want me to protect the Pink Panther.

- No. - No?

It is my job to protect the Pink Panther.

You've merely been reassigned to the Dream Team.

That is quite an honor...

- But I cannot accept. - What?

If Inspector Clouseau were to leave France...

...the Tornado would surely strike at the Pink Panther.

- I'm guarding it! - But...

Don't argue. You fly to Kyoto in the morning.

But I can't fly.

In a plane!

- But still... - That's an order.

Nicole.

You are traveling?

Yes, Inspector Dreyfus is sending me on a very dangerous mission.

- For how long? When will you return? - I will return when the criminal is caught.

It could be a month, it could be a year. You understand, Nicole.

- Yes, yes, of course. - Of course, we will have to stay apart.

If the criminal were to, say, kidnap you, he would have power over me.

Why would he have power over you?

Well, because, well...

...you are like a brother to me.

A hot, sexy brother in a dress.

Nicole, I hope you have forgiven me for that one evening.

Yes, Inspector, it is forgotten.

- I have not forgotten. - Neither have I.

So, even though, technically, we are on duty...

...do you think it would be all right to share a bottle of wine?

I think it would be all right.

Then I will select the wine. It is one of my specialties.

I would like to select my own wine.

And by the way, I am Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

Remember this face.

- This is a very special bottle. - Delicious.

There was something about burning down a restaurant...

...that ignited other, more illicit, fires.

- And I'm sorry about that. - As am I. Terribly remorseful.

It was a night to remember that we must forget.

We must never forget to not remember it.

And if we do remember it, we must immediately forget it.

Now, let's have a professional hug goodbye.

I'll be right there. I'll see you in several months.

- No problem. - And I do hope your hearing improves.

Ponton, I'm worried about my leaving France.

The Tornado is rampant. The Pink Panther is such a temptation...

...and no Clouseau to protect it.

But you visited the museum yourself, you checked the security.

- It's gonna be all right. - Yes, I suppose you're right.

- Are you driving? - I like to stay in practice.

- Okay. - Remind me where the brakes are.

- Here. Yes. - There?

- Yes. - And then you turn here.

- Of course, yes. - All right.

- And this turns it. - Yeah.

Okay, here we go.

- Ponton. - Yes?

- This case is very strange. - How so, Inspector?

For 10 years, the Tornado terrorized Europe...

...stealing over a quarter of a billion dollars worth of artifacts.

Then, for no reason, he suddenly stops.

Maybe the Tornado thought he had enough money.

If he had enough money, then why, after 10 years of complete inactivity...

...does he suddenly spring back into action?

London, the Magna Carta. Italy, the sacred Shroud.

The Imperial Sword. Why now? Why all of a sudden? Why? Why?

You need to calm down.

Hey!

What's the matter, Ponton? You seem a little depressed today.

- Is it your wife again? - Yes.

She still feels my job takes up too much of my time.

The same old thing.

Next week is our 10th anniversary. She thinks we should go away together.

Ponton, would you like me to talk with her?

No.

I mean, this issue must be discussed between husband and wife.

Well, you must explain to her that we are men of the law.

Always living in the shadows.

Idiot.

I will miss you, Inspector.

I will miss you, too, Ponton.

- And, Ponton. - Yes?

I am sorry you can't satisfy your wife.

"I am now leaving France".

This is a bad idea.

The legendary Pink Panther Diamond has been stolen.

Officials suspect the perpetrator is the infamous Tornado.

What'd I tell you?

The theft of the Pink Panther would be the fourth high-profile crime...

Oh, my God! He was right.

The Dream Team was supposed to start its investigations in Kyoto, Japan...

...but it's just been diverted to Paris.

France is in shock.

The international Dream Team of detectives will begin...

I'm standing outside the Grand Palais where the Pink Panther has been stolen.

Why are they cheering? This is a national tragedy.

We live in a media age. You must learn to adapt.

Then adapt I shall.

- Who do you think did this, Inspector? - Inspector, any comment?

Tornado, I'm coming to get you.

One more.

Tornado, I'm coming to get you. There's your one.

Good afternoon, Inspector. The other detectives have already arrived.

They are waiting for you.