UnREAL

To hell with being a producer.

You're the suitress.

Let's put some money on it.

You lock down one of these all stars,

I'll give you my producer bonus.

He full-on frat-boy date-raped her.

If you leave now,

everyone's gonna think that you were lying.

Take a sip, drink, and have a good time.

The person who is really taken with you is Noelle.

- Really? - Make a move.

You need to expose him for who he really is.

- Come on, Maya. - It's okay.

Get off of her now!

Go to the network.

You can root out this cancer once and for all.

Rachel Goldberg made it happen.

You have completely lost control.

- Oh, this is on me?! - You're damn right it is.

I'm pregnant.

It always should have been this way.

We're doing "Stripper Queens" scripted.

I want out.

This is all because of you.

You wanna get out of here and scout locations for the finale?

- This doesn't suck. - Yeah, pretty nice.

Who'd have thought I'd end up here?

Yeah.

Not... Not bussing tables or parking cars.

I could not imagine you settling for that life.

I didn't really think I had a choice growing up.

Yeah.

Now all the Castellis brag about their son,

big, fancy TV producer.

Yeah, well, Dad's favorite pastime

was calling me a worthless pieces of garbage

when he wasn't kicking the shit out of me,

so probably not.

You showed him.

Good for you.

Yeah, not so good for my little brother.

I had to leave him behind to fend for himself, so...

I get that kind of regret, trust me.

You know, but the past happened.

You did what you did,

and you made the choices you made.

All you have now is what's ahead.

That's all there is.

What's ahead is looking pretty good right now.

I think we should drink to that.

How is she?

So we go balls out to take Rachel down,

she survives, of course,

like a sociopathic cockroach in a nuclear holocaust

- and now we just what? - I am figuring it out, Jay.

Okay, you should be thinking about "Passport to Dance".

Last night's numbers are in,

and we went from dead-in-the-water

to on-the-bubble.

All right?

Thank God Alexi is charming again.

I mean, he really milked that cane for all it was worth.

That's wonderful, Quinn. That's great.

But right now I want to help that girl.

Yeah, me, too.

T minus 24 hours until "Stripper Queens".

I'm getting that pre-pitch half loaf.

Oh, gross, Chet.

Hey, this is the first time we're doing scripted.

There's a lot of excitement and anticipation.

- Yeah, I can tell. - She's here.

So, showing up for work.

How novel.

It was a long weekend, and we were scouting.

- For work. - Right.

Well, I hope you practiced safe scouting.

Oh, my God. Do you have a point other than being

creepily up my asshole?

There's something wrong with Noelle.

What do you mean?

Well, she's not eating, sleeping,

or maintaining basic personal hygiene.

So I'm thinking about bringing in a therapist.

Right. Because therapy always works out so well.

This is normal, okay?

She doesn't need anyone holding her hand

telling her how to get through it.

You figure it out. You focus on what's ahead.

Speaking of which,

do you want to know what we have planned today or what?

Okay. So it's called

"Don't Get Bombed".

It's the perfect combo of physical and mental.

The guys are gonna have to bring their A-games.

Congratulations.

You managed to squeeze three sports clichés

into one statement.

You, uh, care to talk about how to protect our final four...

Candi, August, Noelle, Rodrigo?

Well, I was actually thinking of switching it up a bit.

Sounds like Noelle is kind of a dud these days.

Yeah. I can't imagine what could have gotten into her.

So that's your plan?

Just throw her out like trash?

Well, that's what you do when things get stale.

Besides, I mean,

we have to top last week's ratings bonanza.

I mean, you do remember the episode that we created.

Well, I mean, whatever couple

has to go up against August and Candi,

they will need to bring a shitload of chemistry

to rival those two jackrabbits.

They haven't left their room for three days straight.

I'm so glad I don't have to clean

the sheets in this place.

What?

Oh, and here I thought you knew everything.

I guess you miss a thing or two

when you disappear for a long weekend.

Go on.

Scurry off and produce your challenge, coach.

Go team go!

Hey.

I guess, uh, you and August weren't exclusive.

Right, yeah.

So how about we get rid of him in the challenge today?

No. Come on.

What? No, Jack's not final-four material.

What?

I-I-I thought you'd be glad to be done with August

once and for all.

There's no reason to keep him around,

is there?

I don't know. Time's running out on our bet.

I mean, you're always telling me to keep my options open.

Well, stripper seconds doesn't sound like

much of an option,

but, uh, hey, sure.

Why not see if you crazy kids can make it work?

Quinn, what are you doing?

I want to talk about what Rachel did to you.

What? Screw my boyfriend

and then push me onto Roger

so I'd stay out of her way?

No, I'm good.

No.

I'm talking about what else she did.

Oh, my God. Okay.

What line are you gonna give me this time, hmm?

"Noelle, this dance challenge, it's for you."

"Noelle, you should play hard to get."

"Noelle, you're looking a little desperate

and stuck up,

why not get wasted with the date rapist,

and then lie to protect him

so you really feel like scum?"

Okay.

Come on, Noelle.

You are a fighter.

Stop moping around

like some heroin-addicted sweatpants model and fight.

You know, sometimes you have huge,

life-altering events thrown at you.

You can't go back to who you were.

You have to figure out who you are now.

Let me help you, Noelle.

Rachel needs to pay for what she did.

Get the hell out of my room.

I don't know if you've figured this out yet or not,

but Rachel's a contestant

playing her own game,

and all of you

are just collateral damage.

Oh, hey, you guys. Hey.

I just came to prep this one for today's challenge

and, you know, I think Jay's waiting for you by crafty, Candi.

Oh, okay, perfect. Yeah. And I'm kinda hungry

from all the sex that we just had.

Mm. See ya.

I don't think I need any producing.

Thanks anyway.

Hey, listen, I get it.

Okay. You're with Candi now.

I'm pulling for you to go all the way

with a million bucks.

- Really? - Yeah.

That's nice. I mean, just like you're hoping Jack wins

so you two can run away together?

What?

- Oh, my God, did he tell you that? - Why?

You calling him a liar?

I'm just saying the guy's kind of delusional.

He's been like weirdly obsessed with me.

- Oh, come on. - I mean, I actually feel,

like bad for him. It feels like he's having

some sort of, like, psychotic break.

He seemed fine to me.

Well, yeah, he is. I mean, like, he's a great guy.

I just feel bad that you got this idea

because I've just been, you know, all about you.