Robot Chicken

_

It's alive!

Have you been injured while touring a chocolate factory?

I'll get you the snozberries you deserve.

I was turned into a giant blueberry,

and now I need to be juiced twice a day, or I'll explode.

Larry Loompa got me $3 million.

Don't get dopity screwed.

I was pulled through a taffy stretcher,

but thanks to Larry, I'm rich as shit.

Also, my penis is 37 inches long.

Can someone turn that fan off?

I was shot through a pneumatic chocolate tube.

The pressure blew out mine anus, and I had to have

a second anus constructed from a goat's anus,

but Mr. Loompa got me $17 million

- for mine anus surgery. - Anus.

_

Have you been turned into fruit, stretched like taffy,

nearly drowned in a chocolate river, terrorized by fake Slugworth,

dropped into a bad egg furnace, got hepatitis from lickable wallpaper,

or are a goat who had your anus forcibly removed,

then call the offices of Larry H. Loompa today.

_

Anus.

Harold couldn't sleep, so he took his purple crayon

and drew a world of his own imagination.

Harold, what did I tell you about drawing

on the Goddamn walls? You know what else is purple?

Bruises! Draw me some whiskey.

Aw, God, that is just what I needed.

Harold had dreamed of this moment a thousand times.

Harold then drew himself a new father.

This dad never yelled and had a three-year chip from AA.

He was also good at lifting things.

Harold and his new father sailed away to a bright new tomorrow.

Harold's mother filed a missing-person report,

but she never saw her son again.

She hanged herself a year later.

The rope was purple.

Tricia? All right! From Bumble?

That's me. I've never dated a Treasure Troll before.

Well, strap in, baby, 'cause we are first class all the way.

- All right! - To first dates.

Delicious.

So, you're from Copenhagen?

What is it? Huh? Aah!

Huh?

No! Not all right!

Nooo!

No!

Ahh, another successful day at Chuck E. Cheese, huh?

Ugh, we get it! You own the place.

Hey, Pasquale, did you see that kid puke up his pepperoni?

- Pasquale? - Pasquale!

I noticed him glitching, but I thought he was pranking us.

- He is the funny one. - We gotta help him!

Pasquale!

Pasquale!

Well, we've done everything we can.

Everybody, run!

And one, two, three!

Ladies and gentlemen, the magic bullet!

Oh, my God, JFK's been shot!

Oh, bother. All out of honey.

Well, plenty more where that came from.

What luck!

Why, there's nothing but dead bees in here.

Bees are dying everywhere, Pooh.

It's an epidemic, most likely caused by pesticides.

Without honey, whatever shall I do?

Pooh, you're a bear. You can eat anything.

Pooh, hello! What shall we play to...

Ohh, this tastes surprisingly delicious.

Jesus! I meant pine cones, Pooh.

And now back to "Queer Eye."

I mean, I have no notes.

I'm Jerry Seinfeld.

I love cars, coffee, and comedy,

and this is "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee."

The 1973 Dodge Challenger in Plum Crazy Purple

is perfect for today's guest,

Gotham's favorite funnyman, the Joker!

I just want to thank you for not picking me up

in a clown car, Jerry.

Who do you take me for, Carrot Top?

Scotty would definitely pull that shit.

- He still slaying in Vegas? - Sure.

You ever bomb in Vegas?

The last time I bombed in Vegas, there was a body count.

That's why they don't let me into the Luxor anymore,

because there's no Luxor anymore...

because I bombed it.

I lost a friend in that explosion.

- Was it Newman? - No.

I guess I'm bombing again.

A prop? Now who's Carrot Top?