Cabin Fever

Hey, dog, I caught us some dinner!

Pancakes?

Pancakes!

Now you're gonna love it. There's no professors, there's no papers,

there's just peace and relaxation the entire time.

- And relentless pounding for, like, 6 days. - (LAUGHTER)

Gross. And beer! Don't forget about the beer.

And how can we forget about beer with you in the car?

- Rise and shine! - Aah, such an asshole.

I gave up two weeks in Belize for this?

Oh, come on. You're gonna like this.

The cabin's gonna be great, you're gonna love it.

Mm-hmm.

Creepy.

Hey, there, little man.

Dammit!

What the hell's going on out here?

Dennis!

Goddammit, what'd I tell you about biting city folk?

Hey, it's not his fault. Take it easy on him.

Take it easy?

Don't you tell me how to raise my boy, boy.

Dennis isn't like the other children. Everybody knows you don't talk to him.

Maybe you should make a sign, for the rest of us.

Come on, get outta here.

There's a hose around back, you wanna wash that hand up.

It's the best I can offer.

- Paul, you okay? - Yeah. I'm fine.

Hey, deliverance!

Is it smart leaving your kid out here knowing he's a danger to people?

- What are you trying to say exactly? - What I'm saying is...

that such an incident may result in a lawsuit. You may be held liable.

We don't know nothin' about that around here.

Come on, Tommy.

Peace and relaxation, remember?

God.

What just happened?

Aah, shit.

Freakin' hillbilly vampires.

- I'd be careful with that. - What is it?

This is fox piss.

You don't wanna drop that on you you'll have every animal in the county

- wanting to hump your leg. - Hm.

You should get some of that for your mom.

- Mm. - I'm gonna go get the beer.

You kids here on vacation or you just passin' through?

- Vacation. - Ah. Well.

I hope you enjoy our little slice of heaven as much as we do.

- You okay? - Yeah. I'll be fine, just... just kids.

Ah, I have a first aid kit in the car, will grab it.

Thanks.

Ah, seeing as you're such a fine group I feel it's my...

civic duty to warn you.

Be careful out there.

Especially...

you go hiking in those woods?

- What's in the woods? - Bad stuff.

It's nothing we can't handle. I'm sure.

Lyme's Disease is pretty bad in these parts.

All I can say is check for ticks.

Why, what happened?

Few hikers got real sick last week.

Uh, doctors took care of them...

I guess.

What do you mean, uh, what do you mean you guess?

Hey, hey. Hey, hey. Hey!

What?

You wanna give me one good reason why you'd steal a Snicker's bar? Huh?

Would you believe me if I told you it was for the nougat?

- The nouga-what now? - Never mind. Look, I'm sorry.

Really. Seriously, I... sometimes I just take things, I don't know why.

- Get the hell outta here! - Yeah, okay.

Goes for the rest of you as well, get outta here...

before I call the sheriff.

What? It was an accident.

- An accident? - (ENGINE REVVING)

Hey, listen to this.

"Welcome and enjoy your stay.

"Real remote mountain getaways.

"If you're looking for fun you've come to the wrong place."

I think we'll have fun.

Wow, this place is amazing.

Your mom really hooked this up, except I can't find the TV?

You coming?

I'm not getting any bars.

Um, so no phone, and I'm guessing no internet there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... No internet?

No weed. No GTA V, no Black Ops II,

no Stimpy, no Minecraft, no... weed?

- You mentioned weed twice. - Yeah, I know. On purpose.

What, we're talking a whole week here, there's no way. Dude, my clan needs me.

Just think of this as gamer rehab, you'll get over it.

But I don't wanna go to gamer rehab.

- You brought a gun? - Okay, firstly, it's not a gun.

It's a rifle.

More specifically, an assault rifle.

Second, we're in the woods, so I thought I'd practice my survival skills.

Don't you think that's a little overkill?

No.

Fully upgraded.

Barely legal.

I won't even go into the tech specs on this beast 'cause you couldn't handle it.

- You're gonna accidentally shoot one of us. - Never happened. I've years of training.

Video games don't count. Will you just be careful with that thing?

Okay, will you relax? I'm perfectly responsible.

- Jesus, dude. - My bad. My bad.

Just keep that thing away from me.

Cool.

Whoa!

Epic.

I'm about to go ham on some indigenous beastie.

What happened to no signal?

I can still post stuff.

It'll upload, it'll just take longer.

You could just put that down and enjoy this.

So, Karen...

how long have we known each other for?

- That's a weird question. - Hm.

I don't know, was just thinkin'.

Just thinkin'? (CHUCKLES)

Um...

gosh, I don't know.

4th grade?

- That's a long time. - It's a long time.

# I find it strange, find it strange #

# That you're wandering in this place #

We gonna go swimming?

# I thought it changed, thought it changed #

# But the more it stays the same #

- I'll race you to the island! - # Some things are made, yeah #

# They're made to never separate #

# Have I ##

# Car, I need everything Those clothes, I need everything #

# Like kicks, I need everything Them hoes, I need everything #

# Your bitch, I need everything That gold, I need everything #

# That work, I need everything That dough, I need everything ##

You know Toby Brown?

Yeah.

Greasy Toby, the guy with the OCD?

Yeah. That and ADD.

He tried to kiss me.

- He did? - Mm-hmm.

Two days ago.

It's weird, it's like... this family friend I've had for 12 years.

Just... he put his hands on my face and tongue down my throat

and it was... was gross. It was just bad.

What, was it... gross because you'd known him for so long

or... because he's gross?

Mm... it was definitely him.

You know how, like...

sometimes you've known someone a really long time...

and you just wanna kiss 'em just to see if they're a good kisser?

Yeah.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Where are you going?

Swimming.

Thought we were kissing!

We were.

Oh, shit.

Janny, I'm coming up on your seven.

Fraggo!

Poof! Aah!

I think I just got a team killed to save you guys. It's all good, move it up!

Ninja3609... do you copy?

Agent36? Shit, they got him.

Shit, of course, now it's on.

Whoo!

God, that's most good.

Oh, no! Oh, no.

- Oh, no. - You shot me!

No fucking way. Oh, my God, I'm sorry, man. I am so sorry!

- Help me! - Okay, okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don't come near me, man, okay? Stay back.

- Help me! - Okay, stay back. Hey, stay back!

- I said stay back! - (YELLS)

I said stay back! I'll get you some help, just stay there!

Please!

Holy shit.

Fuck.

Help me!

Help me!