Fisk

Ohh! Come on!

Minh?

Minh!

Minh!

- No. - Yep.

Just checking the ban is still in place.

And it is.

_

Higher. Higher. Lower.

Morning, Roz. Webmaster.

Morning, Helen. No, no, straighter.

- A bit more to the right. Yes, good. - I'll just...

Good. A bit more to the right. And let it go.

Hey, Helen, stop! Don't go in there!

Okay! Why not?! What's going on?!

No, I'm just excited. I've got your office ready.

Totally styled it out.

- This way. - Okay.

- You... You all good? - Yeah.

Might just need a minute.

You know, I'm quite highly strung. Maybe don't yell at me.

- This one? - No. That's a cupboard.

This is your office.

Oh! Which is also a cupboard.

Very unpretentious.

And I like that I can interrogate suspects in here too.

How about this desk?

Ooh, it looks a bit different to the picture.

I know! It's a hack! I hacked it! What do you think?

I'm not sure you needed to, but okay, yeah, why not?

Liaise with George for anything you might need.

Don't go wild, obviously. We are on a budget.

- Mm-hm. - This is for clients.

Maybe I could get something a bit more comfortable for clients.

Yep.

Is that doing anything?

- Um... Not in here. - Mm. Not out here either.

What about a print or something to cover the mould on that wall?

There's this website that does, like, inspirational work posters,

you know, like, "Live, laugh, love," that kind of thing.

I don't really do any of those things.

You can make your own one.

Like, you could have, "Meeting, lunch, phone call,"

- or something. - Sure. That's really inspiring.

Well, you would personalise it. What do you like?

Um... I like my dog.

Uh... Soup. I really like soup.

Watching television.

Tea. Scones. Obviously go together.

Ooh, butterscotch. Always better than you think.

You sound like my grandma.

Yeah, I do like big pants.

- Just... they keep me secure. - Yeah.

Hello, Bob! How are you?

Rozalind Gru-bear! Good to see ya!

I hope we can sort this out quickly.

I've got a dim sum lunch I've got to get to.

Not up to me, I'm afraid.

I've handed this one over to our new colleague, Helen Tudor-Fisk.

- Fisk? - Mm.

- Fisk... any relation to... - Father.

Well, well, interesting! Are the rumours true? Do we know?

You know, about Dad and the tipstaff?

Helen. This is Bob Stanley.

- Hello, Bob. - Hello.

It's all true, Mum died, Dad kicked that closet door down

and came out screaming, ran off with his tipstaff.

It's been quite the roller-coaster ride. Should we head on in?

_

_

_

Okay, the will states that the cremains are to be divided

between the family of Alan Munster and Kellie-Joy Frazer.

Obviously I should get the whole vase of ashes,

but if Ally says half, I'll accept half, please, thank you.

Ooh, hang on, the will does not specify half.

It simply says, "cremains to be divided."

That's what we're here to determine.

- But I'm the widow. - Widow... Were you married?

- That feels like new information... - No, they weren't married.

Me and Ally-bear were married in our hearts.

Don't need a piece of paper to be married.

I think that's exactly what you need to be married.

Yeah... Hey, are there any snacks? I'm... I'm quite peckish.

Roz usually serves snacks.

Sorry. No snacks.

- What's... ? - Oh, that's a shame.

A bit of cheese floating around?

No, Bob. No floating cheese.

I just need to clarify

exactly how long you were in a relationship with Mr Munster.

Five minutes.

Um... Instagram begs to differ.

We've been an official couple since October last year.

But, before that, it was just flirting around the office,

a bit of sexting.

Oh, God.

My poor mother didn't deserve this.

No, that's pretty... Oh, that's hard to look at.

He was living his best life, Gina.

There's a saying, you know?

"Why go out for steak when you're getting the milk for free?"

What?

Uh... I believe the expression is,

"Why got for a hamburger when you're getting steak at home?"

Right.

Sorry, but I still don't quite understand what you're saying.

I'm saying I'm the steak.

Yeah, nah, I think in that scenario, you're the hamburger.

I'm not the hamburger!

I'm fillet steak.

You're really not. You're more like a kebab.

Mm.

Yum.

Oh!

Roz?

I've just seen Bob Stanley in the meeting room.

- Is this yours? - Uh-uh.

Hang on, that's mine. Jesus, take it easy.

That's... Yeah. That one's gone.

Why are there no snacks in there?

Let's get some taramasalata, some tzatziki in there.

Bob will agree to anything if there's snacks.

I thought I wasn't allowed anywhere near legal proceedings.

Just find some bloody hummus and put Bob's name on it.

And it's 'hou-mus'.

_

Okay, so, with regard...

- That's good hummus. - Yep.

- Very happy with that. - Okay.

So, with regard to the division of the cremains,

we would like to make an offer of five grams,

- or one teaspoon. - One teaspoon?!

Which I realise doesn't sound like much,

however, it is enough to pop in, say, a locket

or some other kind of keepsake.

- A what-sake? - Like a memento, a keepsake.

For example, there's a company

that will put a small amount of ashes into a snow globe.

Mm, that's nice.

Do you think? Uh... Yeah, nice.

Uh... Sometimes people mix the ashes with ink

- and get a tattoo. - Really?

- Relax. - Yep, definitely doing that.

I could get a teddy bear,

my own little Ally-bear on my shoulder maybe.

I would've thought a tramp stamp would be more suitable.

I've already got one, Gina, so joke's on you.

Mm. Um... My client...

Hang on. Sorry. Chewing.

Sorry, that's not fair.

I'm gonna need more than five grams

if I'm gonna get a tattoo and a snow globe.

It actually is fair because we've done the calculations.

Let me talk you through them and then you'll see how we got there.

Okay, so...

... what we need to do

is compare the amount of time you spent with Mr Munster

versus the time he spent with his family.

So, over here on your side,

you say you were together six months, I'm taking you at your word,

including that extra bit at the beginning,

we end up with about 7.44 months.

Versus a 48-year marriage

with two children, combined ages of which are 76 years.

Now, 76 and 48, that's a 124 years.

In order to compare that with this,

we need to convert that to months.

So, we times it by 12. We end up with 1,488 months.

Now we're comparing apples with apples.

Then we factor in the weight of the ashes.

Now, that's approximately one to three kilograms,

so what we go with is units,

then we convert it back to grams,

and what we end up with is five grams, one teaspoon.

It was actually 4.7,

but I'm being generous, I've rounded up.

So, what do we think? Bob?

Yeah, um...

That's imp... It's impressive.

Yeah, I actually think that's quite a fair deal.

So, are we all happy with that?

I know you're not happy with it. But we agree to that?

- Yeah. - Great.

Well, I'm gonna call the funeral home

and get them to release the ashes.

Mm.

Make sure I get a good five grams.

Like, from his heart, you know?

I don't want foot ashes or anything.

Vis-a-vis our next meeting, Helen,

what do you think about a few deli meats?

Maybe some lavash?

Yeah, I'll get on that.

Do you wanna take the hummus?

No-one else wants it, Bob.

Oh, yeah. For sure.

Thanks.

And any snacks you'd like for the next meeting or...

... a bit upset?