Chillerama

Here's to you, baby.

Ten years of misery.

Sláinte.

You never did like taking it on the face.

Well how's that now, huh?

Come to think of it,

I think it's high time

I cashed in on all those years

you never tended to my needs.

Whine, whine, whine. Me, me, me.

Well what about me?

Huh?

I'm thinking it's time

for a little bit of dead head.

You won't mind. Much.

Shit.

Jesus and mother of God!

Fuck.

Let go of my meat!

Let go of my meat!

No. No. No. No. No. No.

No! You bitch!

You bit off my bean bag!

Fucker!

Yeah?

Balls! He is?

Yeah, I'll be there, I'll be there, yeah.

Jesus wept! Yeah, fine!

I'm late for work.

Will you stop touching that.

Honey, what is... What was the station again?

I can never remember the number.

I don't know.

You're supposed to know

'cause I can never remember, so it's your job to remember.

Well, remind me why we're bringing our baby

to an all-night splatter fest again.

Are you serious? I wish that I had parents as cool as.

He's gonna be so prepared for life in modern America,

after this evening of films.

I know.

Yeah.

I love it when the old man

pumps golden moldies in the channel after the all-nighters.

You know, I'm totally puts me in the mood.

Yeah, look what happened the last time Otis Redding was on.

Uh-huh? Uh-huh.

Do you want a brother?

Little brother, daddy.

All right, Tobe. Six degrees, Kevin Bacon, Bela Lugosi.

Hit it!

Oh, no.

Oh man, this should be cake and ice cream for you.

Oh, come on. Forget it, I... I...

I guess this encyclopedia is human after all.

So what movie is everyone freaking out about?

'Cause I'm going into the.

Well, I haven't seen any of them. Apparently, Mr. K.,

has the only prints of these things in existence.

It's like ultra rare Holy Grail shit. Right, Tobes?

Yeah, this being the last hurrah and all is the best time as ever

to unleash the terror, the blood, the boobs!

More blood! More boobs!

Hurray for boobs.

What was it like working here, I mean,

Hog heaven, right?

No, nerdgasm. I saw the movie Hungry Hungry Hippos

13 times!

I see no nutritional value in that whatsoever.

Hey, you asked! And besides,

it gave you an excuse to almost talk

to a certain concession employee.

Wait. Almost?

So you haven't even like...

No. Okay? We haven't even.

We're taking it slow.

Mm-hm. And by "slow" he means turn the other way and walk fast.

So you haven't even talked to her?

It's like this.

A girl like Desi is never gonna go out with me

so I figure, why not hold on to the hope

instead of suffer the disappointment?

You should at least talk to her

before you go back to school.

At least then you could make a piece.

Yeah, look who's talking potsy!

Well, what the fuck does that mean?

Oh, nothing.

Yeah, nothing, just...

Look, Kevin Bacon and Elvis Presley.

Let's do it.

Admit two.

There you go, kids.

Just pull up to the front row spot

and tune your tunes to 106. 1 and enjoy.

It's gonna be a hell of a night!

Yeah, thanks.

"It's gonna be a hell of a night!" Fuck you, get real.

I'm so glad to see this fucking dump decimated.

Jesus, man. Lighten up.

Oh, I'll lighten up tomorrow

when the bulldozzers gas up.

So remind me why we're here instead of Schneideman's.

Because I pulled the short straw

and got stuck with baby sitting duty.

9:00 AM this is another fine Blumps location.

Until then, I gotta keep an eye on the old man

make sure he doesn't pull any shenanigans.

Well, Mr. Sourpuss.

Excuse me, that's Junior VP at Marketing Sourpuss.

Okay, Mr. VP Poopy Pants,

I promise to make tonight worth your while.

Oh.

Show starts in five minutes.

I don't know, Orson.

Looks like last licks for us old bones.

I'm gonna miss all this.

This was my favorite part.

The preparation and anticipation.

The threading, splicing the reels,

and always racing the clock.

Betty and I, we never missed a single listing.

In the gate and don't be late.

You taught me that.

My rosebud.

Well, who needs to be on time now

when you've got demanding video

and high definition crap?

You can get anytime at home.

Who needs the old night out under the stars

with some movie magic anymore?

That's what you were all about. Right?

Magic tricks and slight of hand.

Nobody cares for magic anymore.

Nope.

The world gets smaller.

And soul mates fade away

like old Kodak film stock.

But nothing's gonna stop me

from sharing a bit of that magic tonight!

Right?

But, much like anything else...

Now she's gone.

Now this place is pretty much gone.

And like tomorrow,

I may be gone, too.

Fade to black. Right?

Or maybe a smash cut!

Jumping Jesus! Jehoshaphat Floyd.

Heart hopping Christ, you're late, man.

Sorry, boss, I've been, uh,

I've been dealing with some...

Family matters.

Well, there's no need for excuses now,

I'm already done threading the first film.

Good God, man!

What have you been sticking your dick into?

You look like hell on a hand grenade.

I've been under the weather.

Look, why don't you just go check in with concessions,

see if Desi needs some help?

Sounds good. Okay.

And for Christ's sake, man,

clean yourself up!

It's show-time!

Well, hell, ell, ell, ello, kiddies!

It's your old friend, Uncle Cecil,

welcoming you to the final,

ghoulish night of murder

and mayhem!

Yes, my ghouls and gals,

it's time for Chillerama!

Sit back, poke a hole in the bottom of your pop-corn bag,

cuddle up to the closest corpse

and prepare yourself

for this evening's

first squishy selection.

Wadzilla!

Excuse me, Dr. Weems.

Miles Munson's lab work is ready.

Tell him I'll be right in.

Okay.

I never heard of a sperm bank

turning anyone down before.

You can imagine my nervousness

when they suggested I see a urologist.

It isn't anything serious, is it?

Life-threatening, no.

As a matter of concern, yes.

Have a look in there, Miles.

Wow! Look at them all go.

That is an example or normal sperm.

And that is your sperm.

Yikes.

That doesn't look good.

Miles, there's a new medication I'd like to suggest you try.

It's called Spermupermine.

Now, it can't increase the sperm you generate

but what it can do,

is strengthen the sperm you already produce.