Sexy Erotic Job (Le jouisseur)

Room No. 3. Miss Germaine again!

Make it quick, my big bad wolf!

- Come in, Roland. - Good morning, Miss.

Here's your breakfast.

Roland, my little servant darling, don't you want to have a cup of tea with me?

No, Miss.

- Fill me up, then. - Well, of course, Miss.

May I go now?

Roland...

You really don't want to have sex with me?

I'm really sorry but that kind of work is not part of my duties.

- Roland... - Miss?

Go and get my vibrator from the bathroom.

Alright.

What shall I do now with this gizmo?

I think you really need this.

Here I am.

You really need this?

No... It's a gift from Germaine.

Shit!

Now, it's the mother!

- Stay with me! Don't go away! - What can I say? It's life.

Come in. Enter, enter my little Roland.

How can I help you, Madame?

Come in... I don't like to be compromised.

Either you're buttoning your trousers

or you're taking them off, but you better choose fast.

I'm sorry, Madame, but it's very draughty in here.

- I could catch a cold. - Really?

Hand me the towel then, my little Roland.

Give me a good rub...

You're tickling me, naughty boy!

But I didn't say it was unpleasant... Little cats like to be cuddled.

Carry on...

Carry on, devil boy!

That's it. You're dry now.

Not yet, my little darling, but it's so good...

Give me your lips, your body...

May I remind Madame that this kind of job is not part of my duties.

Who cares... You don't like me?

It would be very unpleasant for me to wound Madame's pride.

May I leave now?

Do not cry, my darling.

Come on, don't cry.

Holy shit! It's the boss now!

No... no! For God's sake!

Don't leave me hanging on my own again! I can't stand it!

Be patient, please. It's the last one.

There's only the three of them in the house.

No, not again! I'm fed up!

Here... This will keep you busy.

See you in a sec.

Come closer, my little Roland. Come closer.

Come closer...

How can I help Monsieur?

I'd like you to massage me. I feel so weary...

So weary...

It's good, so good!

Harder!

Oh, Roland!

You packed your suitcase?

Yeah, I'm fed up with all the hotheads in this house.

So, it's true? You're leaving?

- Where are you going? - I don't know. I'll find a place.

What a pity, I'll miss you.

Yes, shame. It's a real shame.

- Hello, Count. - Hello, Malou.

What's up, Malou?

You have some news from the Countess?

- Yes and no. - Meaning?

The Countess let me know via her secretary that she'll be back next Monday.

- Meaning I have four days of peace left. - Yes, Mr Count.

Shall I run you a bath?

- Later. - As you wish, Count.

Did the Count enjoy his stay at the Lapière's?

To be frank, Malou, not really.

- It didn't work with the daughter? - It worked very well with Germaine.

With her mother and father too.

And the maid. She was my favourite.

I couldn't stand the others.

It felt like eating pastries with my fingers.

The Count is right.

It's disgusting.

What about Martine, the housekeeper? Did she leave?

Yes, Count.

- And your wife? - She's not here.

She went to see her aunt. The nun.

- So, we're alone? - Yes, Count.

- Here, take one. - Thank you, Count.

- It's a new one? - Yeah, a gift from the mother.

- She's always hot, that one! - A real slut, I agree.

And the father?

- He's a fag. - Damn!

I have the blues when I see you leaving.

I can't come with you because of my wife.

- She's nice and all but... - You're right, Malou.

I think I'm going to take some holiday. Real ones, without the womanising stuff.

You can put the secret suitcase in a corner of my room

and leave it there for a long time.

- What's up? - Careful, it's my old girl.

Good morning, Count.

Come on, take the suitcase.

Bye.

"The Memoirs of a Sad Cunt."

The first big event in my life took place more than thirty years ago in this house.

Countess, it's a boy!

From then on my life became mundane and uninteresting for the next few years.

The second big event took place fifteen years later.

In this case, the main character was our little Spanish maid.

A little primitive, but charming.

Pepita, come here!

- Look at this! - Oh, Mister Roland!

Now for the third big event in my life...

My mother, ruined and a widow, decided to marry me to a young American girl,

the daughter of the P.S.A. head honcho, a rich industrialist.

This marriage had two advantages.

It restored the chewing-gum manufacturer's image...

and brought to my family the most salutary financial assistance.

As for me, I didn't have a say in this sordid affair.

I was just a pawn on a chessboard.

You'll see, she's a charming girl

but even if she wasn't, you'd still have to marry her anyway.

What answer can you give to such a strong selling point?

Nothing. Besides, she wasn't bad at all.

But the tragedy started on our wedding night.

Darling?

Darling?

- Yes. So what? - "So what" what?

Come on. What are you waiting for?

Take off this ridiculous dressing gown and let's make love.

That's why we're here, aren't we?

Yes, of course, but still, don't you think that...

Think what, darling?

That making love is...

I don't know... It's not just about...

I mean... like dogs...

Things can be done first. Things like...

Like what? Stop this nonsense talk, Roland.

If you want us to have sex there's no time to lose.

Well, alright...

A medium-bore at least. I was afraid for a second.

What do you mean by medium-bore?

When you go into action,

in what proportion does the volume increase?

1 to 4, 1 to 5, or 1 to 3?

Well, I don't know... It grows, that's all.

I never thought about taking measurements or anything like that.

A very symptomatic detail of the ignorance in which primitive people live...

when they approach sexual issues.

And yet I thought that you being an aristocrat...

What do you mean by that?

Oh, come on! It is essential to know certain things from the heart

to be able to act effectively.

Listen to me.

I'm just a simple guy who is about to have sex with his wife.

That's all. Everything else you can say is...

Of course. I forgot we were in Europe.

"French love", women pregnant all year long,

contraceptive pills that make you sick...

You're not on the pill?

Me? You're kidding! Fortunately, I have my gear.

Look!

Make your choice.

You, you... You don't want me to put on one of these things...?

Of course, my love.

Let's see. Which one are we going to use?

There are different types, velvet, spiked, with a sperm-tank,

the devilish turnstile, the coffee-break mohican,

the frantic minaret,

- the clarinet. - How come you know this crap so well?

Come on! It's my job!

Your job? Your job!

Don't tell me that your parents didn't inform you?

You... You're a whore?

Are you crazy? At least you know that I'm T.S Tickles' daughter?

- The head honcho at the P.S.A. - Yeah, I know about old Tickles...

But what does it mean, P.S.A?

Do I really have to explain everything to you?

P.S.A. is the acronym for the Porno Shop Association.

And I'm the Chairman and CEO of our European branches.

I have a diploma in pornography, by the way.

- And I've been the President of the Jury of Copenhagen. - Good heavens!

You're not pleased?

You're not proud to be married to a Doctor. Doctor of Pornography.

You're handsome, you know, Roland...

I think I'm going to turn you into a wonderful man-toy within a few lessons.

Relax.

It was the beginning of the end.

For three days and three nights,

I tried to rise above Barbara's scientific knowledge, but in vain.

This part of me which usually gives me so much satisfaction

refused to come alive despite the desperate efforts of my wife.

Let's try the sliding coitus. It should do the trick.

It's coming. I feel it. I think it's working now...

Now take a deep breath.

At the same time, try to have your penis moving in contrary concentric movements.

Above all, the penetration angle must not be over 40°.

- Like that? - No, no, silly boy. Not so perpendicular.

The centre of rotation must be aligned to the bisector of the kidneys.

It's so simple. Start again.