Modern Family

- Hi. - Hey.

I don't feel so good.

Aww, what's going on?

Let's see.

Ooh. You are kinda warm.

Maybe get rid of some of these blankets?

Aw, that is cute.

You tried to scare me for Halloween.

How in the world did that not frighten you?

Some of this is my actual blood.

I nicked myself putting it on!

Sweetie, you don't know the first thing about scaring people.

It's all about plausibility.

And you were awfully casual

for a guy who just got an axin the chest.

You know, if you really wanted to scare me,

you should've waited until I opened the closet

and found you hanging by a necktie.

Excuse me!

I killed myself?!

Yeah. Totally plausible.

I mean, you've been so happy all these years,

the other shoe is bound to drop, right?

By the way,

I am not married to the whole necktie thing.

It could be, um...

shotgun or poison

- or a power drill to the eye... - Stop. Stop!

Now you're scaring me.

That's how you do it.

Bam!

Captions by VITAC...

Captioning Provided by 20th Century Fox Television and ABC, Inc.

And brought to you by Ford. Going further, so you can.

*MODERN FAMILY* Season 11 Episode 05 Episode Title : "The Last Halloween"

Hey, happy Halloween!

It was until your mother ruined it.

Oh, he's just mad

because he tried to scare me and he couldn't.

I'm tough to scare.

My girlfriend's pregnant.

- No! - Phil.

She's our age. If she was pregnant, it'd be on the news.

But good one.

Dad, I'm sorry.

I don't have time to drop this off for you again.

Ida Mae Mann?

Aww!

Isn't that that lonely little lady

that sits up in her window?

He always makes me deliver

his neighborhood association stuff

because he's afraid of her.

That's crazy!

I go by that house all the time.

Not hot, Phil.

Fine! She's creepy!

She sits in that window like a store cat.

Okay.

I'll drop it off on the way to dinner with Bill.

He's taking me to Buon Cibo's at 6:00.

Whoa. I'mgoing to Buon Cibo's at 6:00 with Janice.

Ew! I don't want to watch you

run your discount body-spray game on her.

Change your reservation to later.

I can't.

She has to eat four hours before bed

because of the reflux.

- You change. - No!

We're going out after to see "Texas Chainsaw Massacre,"

which I can't believe I agreed to.

Ooh, that sounds like fun. I've never seen that movie.

Can you believe that? Me, of all people.

Uh, then we're going.

You think you can't be scared anymore?

That's the most terrifying movie l've ever seen.

Great, bring it.

I look forward to being scared.

I'm pregnant?

Phil!

Oh! Did you get the costumes?

Yeah, I... I didn't have a lot of time,

so I had to steal something from work.

Please don't...

judge.

Okay, that's not a bad start.

I think I can work with this, yes.

Lily, my pins!

We are so excited for Halloween.

You know, for the first time in years,

we're gonna get a little cray

and go to the big gay Halloween carnival,

like we used to when we were young and childless...

And people still said "cray."

We... We've always had Lilywith us in the past,

but we are on a crusadeto make her more independent,

so when she got an invite to a party, we sort of, uh...

- RSVP'd for her. - Yeah.

But you know what? It's gonna be good for her

to socialize with people her age,

and good for us to socialize with people

- Half our age. - Half our age.

Okay.

Mitchell...

Judge...

Judy.

Your talent...

It's like you were touched by a gay-ngel.

And you said we would never wear

the groomsmen shoesfrom Pepper's wedding again.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just a second, young lady.

W-We're very happy you're going to this party tonight,

but, uh, isn't this costume a little, uh, suggestive?

This is my actual cheerleading outfit.

You guys know I'm doing that, right?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah. - Totally.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. - Totally.

We should have known that, right?

Oh, Joe, you're home early?

I got a surprise for...

Oh. Manny.

Look, I know you breastfed until you could stand,

but aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?

This isn't for Halloween.

I'm in final rehearsals for my one-man show

"Sigmund Freud: Here Ego Again."

I've saved you four seats, but if you need more...

No, four's good.

So, what's the surprise?

Well, it's kind of a Joe thing.

You know, he's out trick-or-treatingwith his friends.

I-I'll wait till he comes home to show it to him.

Hmm, playing favorites with your sons,

perhaps unconsciously repeating the cycle

- your own father perpetuated on... - You know, one ticket's

gonna be good enough.

Is it cold in here, or is it just me

because I am the frozen lady from "Frozen"?

Why aren't you wearing your costume?

Let it go, Gloria. Let it go.

But you said that since Joe was out with Devon's family

that we were going to do something fun together.

Yes, fun. Have a Scotch,

put that mutant spider costume on Stella...

Fine, I'll go meet Mitch and Cam by myself.

But you're gonna miss Joe's reaction

when I give him my big surprise!

It's just a candy bar!

18 months ago, in an underreported news event,

NagaSnacki Food Solutions

discontinued the greatest candy bar of all time.

The Fudgy Duddy.

After an exhaustive search...

One Googling.

..I tracked down this beauty.

Now my son can experience the kind of quality confection

our generation grew up with.

"Our"?

I am a Gen X. Don't make me a Boomer.

Something horrible happened to me last weekend.

I'll just have the...

seafood salad.

Very good. And for your husband?

Oh, no, no. He's my husband.

That's what he said.

The day I have dreaded finally came...

people assume that I am Jay's...

wife.

You kids have fun!

Manny. What are you doing?

Saving your house from being egged.

You're all out of treats.

Luckily I found a candy bar to give away.

Oh, no.

My Fudgy Duddy's gone!

Nobody move!

Hello there. Uh, two for "Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

Sorry, that sold out weeks ago.

Which should've been updated on our website, Bernard!

But we still have seats

for that super scary Japanese film.

- Yes! - Uh, pause.

How scary? How Japanese?

I think the literal translation is

"Make Dead with Old‐Face Baby."

- Two, please. - No, um...

Come on, honey, you promised me a good scare.

This'll be fun!

Okay. Okay.

No!

How you doing?

Great. I'm so scared.

Aah.

Don't patronize me.

You don't think I can tell when you're faking it?

"Oh, Phil, mmm. It's so good."

I know you hated my gumbo.

Uh, excuse me.

Hey. Uh, I'm having a hard time in there.

I... I came to see a movie I'd already seen.