Taking Chances

Throughout the saga of this great land,

whenever the shells of tyranny have flown toward our hallowed soil,

we have always endured.

And that is why, though often shamelessly overlooked...

by mainstream academics,

the Battle of Patriotville Creek does indeed have much to teach us.

Yes. It all happened right here, upon this glorious battlefield,

230 years ago.

Fire at will!

None of us would ever be the same.

Charge!

Thank you.

Oh. Thank you. ¶

¶ Now, where were you when I was stranded out in this town ¶

¶ I swear that you could rely on me ¶

¶ While you've been away Do you see ¶

¶ Like there's no one around to make it true ¶

¶ And I ¶

¶ Look to the stars ¶

¶ And right underneath I'm a prisoner ¶

¶ What am I doing here ¶

¶ What will you do ¶

¶ When your dreams come true ¶

¶ When your dreams come true ¶

¶ What will you do ¶

¶ When your dreams come true ¶

¶ Another night Well, I was just wandering about ¶

¶ Wearing out the disguise I breathe, yeah ¶

¶ This dream is alive ¶

¶ Like some memory of you or me ¶

¶ Till my eyes turn into stone ¶

¶ Till my eyes turn into stone ¶

¶ Till my eyes turn into stone ¶

¶ Till my eyes turn into stone ¶

- - ¶ What will you do ¶

¶ When your dreams come true ¶

¶ When your dreams come true ¶

¶ What will you do ¶

¶ When your dreams come true ¶

You're obsessed.

You know, man, there's more to life than just work.

Hey, Dig. You know, some people really like having a job.

And I don't mean, like, chasing high school girls around. That's not a job.

Technically it's not a job. I know what you mean. But it is hard work.

I don't know what you want me to say. I love my job, okay?

History is the cornerstone of our nation's past.

Past! But the future, which is forward,

is out there.

Old dead things-- Please don't.

Please. Old dead things in here.

Alive things-- Young alive things out there.

Look, dude. All I'm saying is that why don't you come with me tonight?

I'm meeting up with this...

sweet beauty.

Car-- Carlinda.

Carlinda? Bet-- Betty--

Look. Okay. More importantly,

when it comes to you, she is going to...

bring, dot, dot, dot--

Oh. Her, uh, beaver? Her beaver? Why does that matter?

W-- Friends.

Oh, her friends' beavers? Her friends.

She's gonna bring her friends.

I-I-- I can't, man. I-I-I gotta work on my proposal to the town council.

Man, you're more stuck than I thought.

I'm a little busy right now. I'm a little preoccupied.

It is a simple fact, man.

Celibacy kills.

It's been medically established.

Where?

The journal.

In your journal? I--

I got priorities.

If I had a museum, guess what I would call it.

The musée de "pussay."

That's great. Great. Do you get it?

Yeah, I do. It would showcase all the greats.

There would be, uh, Don Juan. Of course.

Casanova.

Richard Gere. Right.

It would be awesome. Josh Hartnett.

Hartnett? Yeah.

Taylor Pork Lips Clamps was the third major employer in town...

to go out of business this year.

Consequently, tax revenues are down,

and we're actually behind on some of our bond payments.

Edwin Goosewiite, town treasurer.

Uh, yes, Mr. Mayor?

Clearly your Nobel Prize in economics was no wasted parchment.

Actually, I don't have a Nobel Prize in economics.

Sarcasm, you mongoloid. Okay. Thanks.

Just give us the F'ing bottom line here.

Oh. Well, we are going bankrupt.

- - I'm sorry. I probably should have said something earlier.

All right. Hold on. Hold on. You F-wits.

The ship ain't sinkin', okay?

Not while I'm in the saddle... of this ship.

I got a plan, all right? Somethin' big.

Somethin' extra large.

The cavalry's on the way.

¶ ¶

¶

Oh, man. That is the shit.

Eldorado '74.

Last of the greats.

Hey, that was back when they built 'em big and wide.

You know, back when a man was just always prepared.

Get your girl so itchy that she's just dyin' for it.

"Give it to me."

That's what she would say. And then you could just put the seats down,

and then you could have plenty of room to do your best work.

You ever wonder, if things took a different turn, what might have been?

No.

How long has that sign been there?

What if they had built all those homes?

A hundred houses would be out here right now.

It's crazy the potential that just never...

got realized.

¶

It ain't there.

Please, we actually got customers?

We got clientele. Native American indigenous type clientele.

You mean Indians?

Oh, my God, that's passé terminology, Son.

It's kind of like calling Orientals Chinamen.

I don't think--

They, uh, wanted three together, so I gave them yours.

So you better take 68.

Sixty-eight? Dad, I hate 68.

Oh, shit. Them Indians are gonna need towels.

- You mind? - Okay.

Om.

Hello.

I'm Mary Born Kicking.

Hey. I'm, uh, Chase, from the Lodge. How.

Hi. Uh--

Oh. Sorry. Sorry to interrupt.

No. It's okay.

You do yoga, Chase from the Lodge?

Uh, yoga? I thought-- I thought you were--

What? No, nothing.

Praying for rain?

You think yoga's effeminate? No.

You should try it. Change your life.

Thank you.

You have to grab some in here, would you, Wes? And we'll, uh, get goin'.

Mr. Barksdale. Oh, Chase Revere. What you doin', son?

You leadin' the gay pride parade?

No. No, I'm not.

Uh, we don't even-- I don't think we have a gay pride parade.

Yeah, well, keep hope alive, son.

Uh, I'm here for the-- We had a 3:00 meeting about my presentation...

to the town council, so--

Sorry, son. You know, some other town business come up.

- We need the chairs. - Uh, sir. I got it.

- Got what? - The answer to our town's financial woes.

What, in there?

Historical tourism. Take a look at that.

Ah. And listen to this.

Oh, you got some tunes? No. No. It's a multimedia presentation.

Here in Patriotville, we have an abundance of history,

more than most places, in fact. Well-- Yeah, that's--

That's fine. People love to learn about...

where they come from, I've found.

- It's the feather. - Huh?

That feather makes it gay.

Just my two cents. Sorry about the chairs.

It's a grand ambition. That's for sure.

But history is a grand subject.

Let's see where it takes us.

And so, in conclusion,

Patriotville is a town built for business--

your casino business.

Great job, Stove. Have a sit.

Stove.

So, uh-- We think we took the standard deal on these things...

and, uh, really upped it a notch.

Yeah. And, uh, then we...

took it up...

another notch.

- So, where did you say you chaps were from? - Uh, here, originally.

Judge here's a magician with the law.

Gonna grease this sucker every inch of the way.

Gonna grease it like a watermelon in a public pool, huh, Judge?

That's just a saying.

So, uh,

we ready to ink this?

Forty generations ago,

our tribe called these lands home.

Our ancestors did not know that promises could scatter like dust.

Now we know better.

- -

When the vision of this casino rose from the flames of our council fire,

I dreamed of an eagle.

What this eagle told me...

was that our future lies here--

Ah. with your village.

Or your neighbor-- the village you call Sulfur Falls,

across the mountain.

The eagle is cautious.