Scary Bride

Hey Tom, how you doing?

Tom, I told you I don't speak Polish.

Besides, I'm not Angie.

I'm Anthony and you know I came to this country years ago.

Anyway, what's up?

Hey by the way, do you know where Matt is?

No, I haven't seen him for a long period of time.

Yeah, me too.

That's the problem, he just disappeared.

Oh come on. It's Matt, he should be fine.

By the way, do you want to hit the bar?

Nah, I'm exhausted.

A lot of work, important projects, you know?

You on a little bit tighter?

- I really need some rest. - As usual.

Hey, what about that girl you met a couple of weeks back?

You should go with her.

Nothing.

Why? She's cool.

You know, she's strange.

- She picks her nose too often. - Gotcha.

You are definitely unlucky with girls, dude.

Yeah, beautiful. It looks like it.

Okay. Hey, we'll see you bro.

Yeah.

See ya,

bye.

And would come back to the United States.

Okay.

It was lovely meeting you.

- Michelle. - Thank you.

- Am I special? - Yeah, I like that one.

That's Matt's apartment.

You see life? Look at his blood.

The crazy bastard split his head open.

What shall we do now?

Call 911 I guess.

Do you want us to call you an ambulance?

No, thanks.

Okay, let's help him to his feet then.

Come on.

So, here we are then.

Where have you been, man?

I haven't seen you for a week, no messages, no calls.

I was ready to call your mom.

Ha, yeah, I can just imagine

how that conversation would go.

I almost called ICE and told them

you were Mexican so they would know how to find you.

You know that's not true.

- They don't care. - Guys.

Drinks for the guys.

- Thanks, gorgeous. - Thank you.

So, are you gonna tell me where you've been?

Oh, sorry mate.

So, get this.

The other week, I'm watching TV,

this documentary, right, about Russia.

Are you serious?

Yeah, Russia.

Honestly, it's the best place I have ever been.

Bars are open all night,

insane nightclubs and well, the women.

Stop, okay. For example, Russia.

But how did you communicate with them?

They all speak English there. It's so easy.

What's wrong with your face?

You having a stroke or something?

- Oh, oh, Natasha. - Shh.

- Yeah, Natasha. - Crazy story, right?

I went to the restaurant one night,

you know, hoping to sink a few.

I see this girl, Natasha.

She's there with one of her friends.

Our eyes met from across the room.

It was like one of those scenes from a movie.

So we're getting a couple of drinks, having a bit of a dance

and she took me into the bathroom

and you know, we had a bit of a rendezvous.

Oh my god, that's disgusting.

What are you, 15 years old? Come on.

Hey wait, I know. You should go to Russia.

You'd love it there.

I'll even go write down the name

- of the place I met Natasha. - Are you serious?

Yeah of course, why not?

I have a job. I have important projects.

I don't know, because I have-

Because, because, look at me.

I'm Anthony, my wife left me.

I'm always so depressed and upset

and I stay in my apartment all the time.

Okay, come on.

Come on, mate.

All you do is sit in your apartment all day

and worry and complain about how she left you.

Darling?

Ah, coming, gorgeous.

Anyway mate, the best thing you could ever, ever do.

You can meet a girl like Natasha yourself.

You'll be all right, mate.

Coming, gorgeous.

And here we go.

Why can't you ever fry it a little more?

But you like it this way.

I like it fried a little more.

Honey, I'm off.

Mario's here.

Hey sweetheart. I forgot my-

People refer

to me and I get really upset about it.

- Well, I'm 42. - 42?

And they call that young.

Oh, Tony. Tony, over here mate.

- Hey guys. - Hello.

Gorgeous, you remember our Tony from yesterday?

Here he is trying to keep himself in shape.

Hey.

You see Tony here, he's always working on that

body of his but not really for the right purpose.

Don't be so rude, pumpkin.

Look, ducks. May I go feed the ducks?

Of course, darling.

So, did you think about my holiday idea?

Oh man, I don't know.

That's too hard to leave it all

behind and go, especially to Russia.

When did you start playing football?

This, approximately one hour ago.

Impressive.

Mate, it's because of this girl,

It's honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I mean I'm trying new things

I never would have thought I'd done.

I've always wanted to play football but how insane is that?

On that note, check this out.

Hey darling, catch.

Ooh.

Is she okay?

She's tough. She can handle it.

Listen, I know that you've gone through a divorce

but I'm starting to think that the issue is with you

and not with that stupid cow of an ex-wife of yours.

You have to get out there and meet someone.

Mate, I know, I know but you do nothing but

work behind your desk 24-seven on those silly projects.

You just need to take a bit of time off.

Get out there. See the world, have a vacation.

Even for a week, get out there and find your own Natasha.

I don't know, dude. It's too hard.

Come on mate, you're my best friend.

I'm worried about you.

I need you to be happy. I want you to be happy.

Hey gorgeous, Natasha, come over here.

Hey, gorgeous.

Don't you think my friend here

is an attractive single young man?

You are single? I can't believe this, how come?

I don't know.

And you've never been to Russia?

Nope.

You have to go there. You won't regret it.

But I've heard so much crazy stuff.

We have amazing places, bars restaurants,

anything a person can wish for.

People are so hospitable and open too.

That's what I've been trying to tell him.

Absolutely, many people get scared about

how many witches we have but it's all grandma's tales.

Maybe, maybe you're right.

You've gotta do it.

You know I love you. I want you to be happy.

Seriously, I'd love to stay and chat longer

but we've got abseiling at 1:00 p.m. today.

We've gotta get going but I'll talk to you soon, okay?

It's been great to see you, mate.

- Talk to you soon, okay? - Okay.

- Are you ready, honey? - Bye, bye, Anthony.

Okay, bye guys, take care.

I've always dreamed of somebody like you.

You're 1,000 times better than Matt.

As soon as I saw you,

I decided to dump him.

People refer to me,

I get really upset about it.

- How old are you? - I'm 42.

- Oh, 42. - Oh my-

I'm so glad you decided to go.

Natasha must've made quite an impression on you.

Yeah. She's great.

But tell me the truth. Did you like her?

What do you mean?

Well I bet you've already been imagining how you'd

steal her away from him, dreaming about her day and night.

What are you talking about? I never thought about this.

Come on. Your eyes totally gave you away, dude.

You didn't think about this? You little bastard.

Wait, wait a second.

My favorite t-shirt.

What's going on?