Teenage Bounty Hunters

What...

What's that for?

Uh...

Uh, wait, wait, wait, Sterling, um...

My virginity is a gift that I want to give to my future wife,

and I'm pretty sure you want to give the same gift to your future husband,

so even though I'm feeling very, um...

Horny?

Tempted.

Even though I'm feeling very tempted, um...

I think we should pray...

for restraint.

Okay?

All right.

Dear Lord, please take away

Satan's wicked temptation.

You are good and gracious,

and we strive to be good and gracious

in the face of the--

the devil.

Okay. Okay.

John 3:16: "God so loved the world

that He gave His one and only son

that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish

but have eternal life."

Wait... uh, what?

Whoever believes in Him will have eternal life.

You believe in Jesus, don't you?

Of course.

Well, then you shall have eternal life.

Mm... Oh...

Wow.

"The Lord is my shepherd.

I shall not be in want."

"I shall not be in want."

Oh, man. I really love you.

First Peter 4:8...

Hm.

"And above all, love each other... deeply

because love covers...

- - ...a multitude... of... sin..."

- -

What did you think?

- I thought it was really dope. - Mm-hm.

Yeah, that was-- that was super dope.

What was your favorite part?

I guess, the end?

Yeah, that twisty thing, where I added the second hand?

That's a new move. Uh...

You experienced my world premiere.

I was just meaning, like, at the end where I...

Oh, r...

- Right. Right, right. - Yeah, yeah.

Um...

Did it feel better than when you do it with your own hand?

I mean, like... no...

but it's still, like, a lot cooler

because you got tits...

- - ...and stuff like that, you know?

Thank you. That's so helpful.

No, you will... You want to try and win?

- I don't think you need to cheat-- Okay. Let's see.

Go ahead.

Give me that thumb. Give it to me. Take it.

Oh. 'Sup, guys.

- Hi. - Hi.

Nothing much.

- All right. I'm out of here. - Bye, dude.

Have a good night.

Good night, guys.

See ya.

- Bye, Luke. - Later, man.

Bye! -

I know this goes without saying,

- but let's keep this private. -

Sterling, are you sure we feel okay about this?

- We sinned against God. -

But we love each other, and love covers over a multitude of sins.

I really do love you.

And I really, really love you...

- And your penis. - What?

Sterling.

I think I like Jennings.

I know, shocker. The slutty twin actually having feelings for somebody,

but hear me out. Three weeks with one guy

- is definitely a record for me. -

And I've been thinking,

maybe this is the year I-- I-- I do it.

I stop being the "everything but" slut and seal the deal.

I've done my research,

and it's probably going to hurt the first time,

but with patience and a shit ton of coconut oil...

Nature's lube, you need to know that.

...it's gonna get awesome.

I think I'm finally ready to bone, Sterl.

Okay. Jeez, Virgin Mary.

You have nothing to say?

Um...

Actually, technically, you can't call me that anymore,

seeing as... Luke and I just had sex.

I'm sorry, what?

Luke and I... just had intercourse.

- Intercourse? - Yeah.

- You? - Yeah.

- Sex? - Yeah!

Like, "sex" that I talk about all the time?

- Sorry. - In your vagina?

- I know. - Yeah. Oh, my God.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

Okay, I... you're--

I guess you're the sluttier twin now.

- Oh, my God! Tell me everything-- - Blair!

- - Jesus, mother of God!

- God darn it! -

- - Dude, that dude looks fine.

I say we split!

A hit-and-run? Are you insane?

Obviously, we call the police and then Mom and Dad--

No! No! No!

Are you forgetting that Dad doesn't know we took his precious hunting truck?

You know what? I'm going to give that dude a piece of my mind.

Well, be careful.

Um, hi, asshole.

A girl?

I've been chased for the last 20 miles by some dumb skirt.

Can't believe I even broke a sweat.

Back off, bitch.

Language, sir.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Okay.

All right, no need to get carried away, girls.

All right, I'll come.

Look, I wasn't even trying to skip bail, all right?

I just--

I got some personal shit to take care of.

Getting fitted for Invisalign.

Okay, buck teeth. Put your hands on the car.

Hold on a minute!

I've been tracking this broke-dick dog...

for three days straight.

And y'all gonna swoop in and snag my bounty, huh?

Well, lucky for you...

I keep it professional.

Since you cornered him,

I'll kick you 20 percent of the 5K.

- They think we're bounty hunters. - I caught on to that.

- And dude's gonna give us 1000 dollars. - Fast math!

Sale math. Look, Sterling, I know you think this is sketchy or whatever,

but we need that money to fix Dad's truck.

Please! Pretty please! Play along!

- Half. We should get half. - Wait, what?

Did half the work, should get half the money.

- Oh. Um... Yeah, okay. - Wait, are you wussing out?

No, I'm not a wuss.

- Good, neither am I. - Good.

- Good! Great! - Awesome!

After this, can we get Chick-fil-A? I am so hungry.

Focus! And yes.

- Half. - Yes, we want half.

Y'all are cute.

That your daddy's shotgun you got there?

- This here's a Mossberg 500. -

I used to be a Remington 870 kind of girl,

I like the shell lifter placement of the Mossberg better.

Now, what I really prefer is this Glock 19.

It's so lightweight.

But yes, mister, I got it from Daddy!

Christmas!

Y'all a piece of work, I give you that.

But I don't give big cuts to folks

unless they've been bringin' the heat from the beginning, okay?

And this one here, I've been tracking him for a while.

He's slicker than a can of oil.

Got more tricks in his bag than Felix the... Cat!

Damn it, don't you run from me.

Cayden! Cayden!

Goddamn it, I've been running my mouth like I'm on a talk show.

Oh, shit!

- What are we doing? - Hell if I know.

Are we, like, getting this dude?

I guess! I guess!

- So we are, yes? - Yeah! Hell yeah!

Yeah! Freeze, motherfucker!

Freeze, Jethro.

Salads. I've got to eat more salads.

Oh. Ha!

I hope there's no ticks in this grass.

You! Stop, you!

What am I doing?

- I am not Vin Diesel. -

I got you!