Domino: Battle of the Bones

Dominoes, the greatest game ever invented mother fuckers.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

Wannabe domino players, fans, groupies,

and niggas sick and tired of losing

all the motherfucking time.

Welcome to my Masterclass.

I am the Pimpfesser Dr. DMF, AKA Big Dub.

Look, I'm here to explain this shit,

so sit down and shut the fuck up.

See dominoes was started by the Chinese.

Down in the Compton part of China.

- Back in the war. - What war?

Would you shut the fuck up?

I told you I'm on TV.

It don't matter what war.

Nigga we got so many, who cares?

Yeah, shut the fuck up.

Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted.

My great-great-great- great-grandfather

learned the game from the Chinese.

He snatched the big six.

We wrote the whole damn game.

Then he smuggled it back to America.

Where it spread like mudbutt on ribs.

You dig?

Mother fuckers from all parts of the world took to it.

'Cause see, that's the magic of dominoes.

It brings people together.

Even the saltiest motherfucker will pull that stick

out of their ass when they sit down and throw them bones.

28 bones to be exact.

Yeah, yeah I know, real bones are white and so are dominoes,

but they wouldn't mean shit

if it wasn't for them black dots, you feel me?

Can I get a witness?

Black power, alright.

Ah fuck you.

Big six is the highest number.

Match the numbers in your hand to seven

with the bones on the table.

If you can't play,

that's when you draw from the boneyard until you can.

Score in multiples of five,

and play until you have your last domino.

And when that's gone, you yell "Domino!"

Or as we say in the hood, "Domino motherfucker!"

To let them know you run shit.

And that's all there is to it.

Buy my app, if you're too slow

to figure the rest of this shit out.

Now, for real, shut the fuck up

while I watch the wildest, ratchetest domino tournament

ever played.

I know y'all ain't ready.

Another mother fucking day.

You have to get up to get down.

Aah, I hate that nasty ass shit.

Let's do this.

It's all good, what's going on?

We got dominoes, we got food going man.

Now look at this shit man,

they crazier than a motherfucker.

What you gon' do?

Tension on the compound, tension on the compound,

What you got to say about that baby?

Chinese man say same thing.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

Alright.

There you go, what you gon' do now?

The rate is switching bitches

Damn you be cheating Gerald, you ain't shit.

Let me see if these motherfuckers won.

My daddy always said,

"If you can rock these bones, you can start a cult."

I breaks champions over these tables every day.

That's the real juice of being a true dominologist.

A domi what?

Dominologist, I psychologically abuse

and dominate a man's soul and spirit across any table.

Gerald, shut the fuck up. Okay?

- We did it. - We did it.

This is love, this is what I call love.

- I know. - You understand me?

We are gonna have so much fun in Cabo.

Cabo!

You know what?

I'm so happy that Andy's gonna be staying with your pops.

Listen, I can't wait for Andy to meet my pop.

Trust me, it's gonna be great.

My father is a father, father, he gon' take care of him.

I know, you're so lucky baby.

Because my father, he was shit.

And your pop seems so hype on the FaceTime.

And Compton

The art, and culture and museums.

Why are you going to Cabo and I'm going to Compton?

Where's Compton?

I heard that Compton's become so hentrified

in the last couple of months.

Hentrified?

Yeah, hentrified and like, all cleaned up.

Yeah, I'm with you.

- Cabo. - We on the way.

Can I come to Cabo?

- We're on the way - Ooh

Fiesta, fiesta.

We can't get there quick enough.

I hope you got nine lives,

'cause I'm finna eat the cat from the back.

Who are you?

How are you even my dad?

Meow, blow me a kiss baby.

Oh, ooh ooh ooh, it's so strong.

Right where I like it.

Come ride this tally whacker.

Jeez.

Stick it in my pocket.

- Love, love. - Cabo.

Cabo.

Listen we finna get it in!

We finna get it in!

Hey, quit stalling nigga,

'cause you've been talking shit all morning

trying to avoid this ass whooping.

- Stalling? - Let's do it.

Do you think I'm scared of you?

Yeah.

I ain't scared of nothing but dying.

You've been dying for me all day.

Let's run it, let's run it back then.

Let's run it back.

Hold, hold, hold up.

Junior, why you calling me this time of the AM?

Yeah, yeah, I know about the boy and everything.

Listen I told you,

that girl was just having the jungle fever.

Jungle fever?

You were supposed to get rid of her.

Now you done married her, now I got this obligation.

You know, I got big shit popping around here this weekend.

I'm over here rehearsing for this domino tournament.

- You ain't gon' win shit. - That I'm gon' win.

Come on now, what?

Listen, you know white kids is a problem.

They bad luck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be there,

giving me orders like I work for the government.

What's this shit?

I'll be there in a minute.

Tell him to look for a elderly Denzel,

and a classic Ella Ryder.

Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in a minute.

Bye.

Denzel, really?

Watch them bones.

Rufus.

Hurry up and finish my ride so you can come on in here

and let me whoop that ass for you.

Didn't I whoop your old last night in those dominoes?

You was dreaming.

Domino motherfucker.

Domino.

Hey little boy, your name Andy?

Yeah.

Come on over here, I've been waiting on you for hours.

Running up all my gas.

You know you're eating in my practice time

showing up late boy.

I got to get ready for this tournament.

The World Domino Championship!

It's cracking y'all!

Bones are gonna break, and the world's gonna shake.

As the greatest dominoes master in the whole damn universe,

universe, universe

is crowned!

We're talking a grand prize of 10,000 big ones.

So bring your baby mama and the whole damn fam.