The Simpsons

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D'oh!

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Ah, lunchtime. Well, let's see what I've packed for myselftoday.

One bouillon cube.

One Concord grape.

One Philly cheesesteak.

And a jar of garlic pickles.

No one will want to kiss me after these, eh, Smithers?

Well, it's their loss, sir.

Yes.

Allow me, sir.

It's no use. Shall I send out for some Chinese?

No. Those people are all gristle. I want this jar open.

Worthless old geezers. Phew. Next!

All righty.

Oh, for goodness' sake. What we need around here is some fresh blood.

Would you like me to drain Simpson while he's passed out, sir?

No, no. To attract the top grads...

we'll need to make a recruitment film...

a picture that showcases our cutting-edge technology.

- A talkie, sir? - Yes. Brilliant.

That's just the kind offar-out gimmickwe need.

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And... action!

- Wow! What a graduation. - I'll say.

But with college behind us, we'll need careers, and good ones.

What about chestnut roasting? People always need chestnuts.

Or begging. I know a place that'll sawyour legs off.

Slow down, fellas. I've got a waywe can keep our legs and still have a bright future.

- Nowyou're dreamin'. - Oh, am I?

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Of course! Nuclear power!

- It's the job oftomorrow... today! - Really?

Well, that settles it. For all those reasons and more...

Iet us choose an electrifying career in--

- Line? - Nuclear power.

Nuclear power.

You dunderheaded stooges are the worst bunch of--

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- Hey! - Pretty good, huh?

Well, it's better than that last Barbra Streisand movie.

I didn't quite get the point ofit. Whywould Lennywant someone to saw his legs off?

Well, there were script problems from day one.

- Didn't seem like anyone even read the script. - That was the problem.

The important thing is, after all theseyears of paying my dues...

I'm finally getting some decent parts.

You're joining the Screen Actors Guild?

I didn't choose to be a gifted actor, Marge. It chose me.

I'm merely a vessel through which genius flows.

Now help me make up some phony credits.

- Fat Guy NumberThree? - Good. Good.

Hey, Dad, it says they need your full name.

You onlyput down yourmiddle initial.

Hey, what the heck is your middle name anyway?

You know, I have no idea.

Hey, Dad, what does the "J" stand for?

How should I know?

It was your mother's job to nameya and loveya and such.

I was mainly in it for the spankin'.

But I can't ask Mom. She's on the run from the law.

Serves her right for bein' a '60s radical!

Though shewas a demon in the sack.

So, Dad, regarding that form...

why not just make up a middle name?

You might as well. You already made up a phonyfilm credit.

No. HomerSimpson does not lie twice on the same form.

He never has, and he neverwill.

You lied dozens oftimes on our mortgage application.

Yeah, but theywere all part ofa single ball oflies.

The point is, I'm a grown man, and I deserve a middle name.

Hmm. I knowwherewe might find your missing moniker.

It's a bit ofa drive, but on the way...

we can have a nice father-son chat.

Great. I'll go shoot myself for bringing this up.

This is the hippie commune your mother ran offto...

when life with me became a living hell.

Wow. Look at this place.

There's apondforskinnydippin', a tire forskinnyswingin'.

I can actually feel the good vibrations.

Ouch.

I remember them-- Seth and Munchie.

Look at those filthy, lazy, flea-ridden--

Oh, hi there!

Hey, check it out.

Is that Abe Simpson?

Geez, man. We haven't seen you since Woodstock.

You went to Woodstock?

Your mother dragged us both to that godforsaken lovefest!

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Boo!

Bring on Sha Na Na!

Whoa! Mellow out, Abe.

Little Homer's trying to groove.

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Shame on you, boy! Put some damn pants on and then pull 'em down!

'Cause it's time for a spankin'!

Get a load ofCaptain Bring Down.

- Whoa! - Yeah, whoa!

But I wanna play in the mud and be a hippie!

Never! Whatyou need's a good long hitch in Vietnam!

There must be an enlistment tent around here somewhere.

IfI'd have left it up toyour mother...

you'd have ended up in a hellhole like this...

just lyin' around, neverworkin'...

without a care in your head...

full oflong, luxurious hippie hair!

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Oh, HomerJ., how doyou keep your hair so rich and full?

Lather, rinse and repeat. Always repeat.

HomerJ., will you teach us to make love?

Wow. I could have lived like that?

You know, Homer, your mom was a pretty groovy chick.

And a demon in the sack.

Ah, you heard about that, eh?

He heard.

Anyway, I still think about her every time I walk by that mural she painted.

Oh! My mother painted that for me?

Oh, my God! My middle name is right behind that shrub.

I'll finally knowwhat "J" stands for.

From this moment forth, I will be known as Homer...

Jay Simpson!

It's so beautiful.

What a magical gift for my mother to leave me.

She also left her old poncho.

Get off ofthere, Ginsberg!

I'll treasure this poncho forever. Mwah.

Uh, you might want to wash that.

The dog has a lot of skin and bladder problems.

All right. We got what we came for.

Plus that stink rag to boot. Now let's hit the road.

Just lyin'around...

neverworkin', without a care in--

My head full of long, luxurious hippie hair!

- I'll do it! - What?

I'm gonna be a hippie, just like Mom wanted.

I'm gonna let my spirit soar...

and love all ofGod's creatures.

- Get up, you stupid dog! -

Okay, ifI'm gonna be a realhippie...

I have to learn from the master...

Mr. Bob "Flower Child" Hope.

- Hey, peace, man. Far out. Groovy. I'm a hippie. -

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jill St.John.

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Hey, Bob, I just came to invite you to the love-in.

- - I got you a date with the perfect flower child--

Phyllis Diller.

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Let's get it on.

Now I know how Dean Rusk feels. Good night, everybody.

Bummer. Love-in. Dean Rusk. By George, I've got it!

- ?? - Dad, do you mind?

Your feet are really close to my potato.

Your potato? You can't, like, own a potato, man.

It's one of Mother Earth's creatures.

- - Homer, excuse yourself!.

No way, narc! Bodily functions are a natural thing.

- Not to mention hilarious. -

You know, I really don't appreciate being called a narc.

And that poncho is filthy. Let me dry-clean it foryou.

Would you--Why doyou have to turn everything...

into one big plastic hassle?

Marge, you got too many hang-ups.

Like the whole shaving trip. Come on! I want to see those legs all furry and gross.

- That ain't gonna happen, bub. - Well, at least lose the bra.

Free the Springfield two, Marge! Free the Springfield two!

I thinkyou've had too much strawberrywine.

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Help! Oh, I've neverseen anything like--

My eyes have been soiled.

Come on, Maude! The human wang is a beautiful thing.

Homer, for Godsakes, putyourponcho on!

Okay, okay! Narc.

- Ahhh! - Ohhh!

- Heads up! - Hey, it's HomerJay!

My man! You've gone granola!

- Right on! -Join the hack.

Oh.

That was cool. I think I'll stick around.

We've got everything we need right here.

Good times. Sunshine. Free love.

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Okay, time to get back to work.

Work? Butyou're hippies!

- Oh, we were on a break. - Time is money, man.

Huh? What is this place?

We are the largest organic juice company in Springfield.