Baskets

I'm kind of rebranding myself a little bit.

I'm working on a character, a clowning character.

What about Clumso for a name for a clown?

I do have a boyfriend.

- I have two, actually. - One is a shepherd

from the Basque region of Spain.

The other is a cross-country trucker I met on my CB radio.

I'm leaving this godforsaken town!

And I'm never coming back!

Christine, I can't explain my actions.

Just go home, Ken.

Okay, thanks for your patience.

Now boarding all rows for Flight 863 to Denver.

All rows for Denver.

Mom, just cheer up; You love Christmas tree shopping.

I don't even know why we're here.

Meemaw's gone, and God knows where Dale is,

- and Ken's in Denver. - Well, it's our tradition.

Well, look at these things; They're all picked over.

They're lopsided.

Oh! Needles!

Oh, God, Chip.

Oh. Look at that tree. Doesn't it look like Ken?

So stoic.

Oh, man.

- I've got an idea, Chip. - What?

Let's go to Costco and get a tree in a box.

- A fake tree? - It makes sense this year.

- I don't want to go to Costco. - Thank you, sir,

but we don't want any of these dogs.

Good luck getting rid of them.

Okay, well, I can get an ambulance out there

- if you want to give me your mile marker. - Hey, Martha.

So we're fake tree people now.

Oh. Hold on a second.

That's why we're here. We're also here because Mom's

having some sadness with K-E-N and could use some girl talk.

Boy, could I.

Is your ringer always that loud, Martha?

One of my clients is stranded on the side of the road,

so I might need to get...

Um, what are you...?

There, that's better.

Troy?

- Um, Troy? - Oh, for God's sakes,

this is Martha!

I'm Martha.

- Down here. - Oh.

Do we have to do the song again?

- No, that's okay. I heard it. - Cool.

- Is today your birthday, Martha? - No.

Um, it's actually the day after Christmas.

And it is a big one... the old 5-0.

- No. - 50? That's awful.

Oh, well... Thanks, Troy.

It's actually okay, Mrs. Baskets.

I've been dreaming about being in my 50s

since I was a little girl.

So, was that... that was your party?

Uh, no. I don't really want to have a party this year.

I think I'm just gonna curl up at home with some DVDs.

DVDs! What about the shepherd?

What? How do you know about him?

I've got my sources.

I told her.

She's my mom; I tell her everything.

Um, the shepherd

is actually gonna be working

in his family's Basque restaurant that night,

which is totally fine.

It's your 50th.

That's half a century, you know.

You could still have a baby, remember that.

A woman in Africa had a child at 64.

Um, I don't think I'm gonna do that.

You don't know.

I've been trying to practice my empathy lately,

and my empathy tells me that we should throw a party

for Martha, or she's gonna try to kill herself.

Well, that's a good idea, Chip.

- I mean, for the party. - Yeah. Plus, it's a, uh...

great opportunity for me to debut Dill Pickles.

Who's that?

He's my character that I told you about.

You know, I've been researching, practicing...

Oh. Why not Bread and Butter Pickles?

They're so tasty. Have you ever had 'em?

That's not really the point, Mom.

Listen, I think we should find me a venue.

I mean, and, you know, a place for Martha's birthday party.

Well, her boyfriend's working that night.

What about the restaurant?

Now, when you think about dinner in Bakersfield,

you got to think about Basque restaurants.

You know, I think I used a Basque plumber once.

- Or was he El Salvadorian? - Everybody comes,

from Arizona...

Oh, the food looks terrible, though.

New York just to have our pickled beef tongue.

Okay.

Beef tongue? Ugh.

Well, if it'll get Martha a night with the shepherd,

it's worth it.

Oh. I know. Let's do a surprise party for her.

I love when I see people get surprised.

I don't know about that. That might freak her out.

Even better. And I know just what to get her.

I'm gonna make something from scratch.

- Is that the whole tree? - No, Mom, there's...

there's a lot more tree. It's seven feet...

That would be terr... Oh. There it is.

Yeah, it's seven feet tall.

Seven feet tall! In that box?

Calculating.

Hello?

Mr. Brooks?

Who? Who?

Christine Baskets. Merry Christmas.

Hey, don't say anything,

but just pretend you're talking to your lawyer,

- or-or your foot doctor. - Okay.

Okay. All right.

I always thought I could e a good foot doctor. Anyway,

listen, we're having a surprise birthday party for Martha.

At the Basque restaurant.

Ba... A Basque restaurant?

Okay.

00. Isn't it exciting?

Remember, it's a surprise.

Okay. Surprise party, 4:00.

So we'll see you there. And "shh"

- is the word. - Okay, bye.

Dad, thanks for the doll. It's great.

- Chip. - Yes?

What do you think?

That's great, Mom.

You see, it's our trip to Vegas, and on and on.

- I think Martha will like it. - Yeah, me, too.

I took an actress's body and put Martha's head on it.

Oh, really? Which actress?

You know, yeah, make her feel good.

Who knew that the Baskets family was this creative, huh?

Oh! And we're both giving her art for her birthday.

Oh. Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

If this is a prank call...

Oh, my God! Chip, be careful.

Jesus.

Is that part of your act?

I might incorporate it.

Chip.

Don't get her there before 4:15.

Okay, got it.

Son of a bitch!

Happy day after Christmas, Steve.

Heh. It's always a letdown, huh?

You got your tree took down yet?

We got a fake one. It's already boxed up.

Lucky you.

Eileen still likes the real thing.

Thanks, Christine.

Hold on a sec.

Okay, come in.

Hey, sorry you had to see that.

Well, I'm sorry you had to see my reaction.

Why are you dolled up like that? Were you expecting someone?

No. Um...

I was just, um, taking some selfies.

Look, I-I...

I just wanted to say I think it's...

I think it's great that you're turning 50.

I think it's... it's brave.

- You know? - Oh.

And as your present,

I want to debut my new character, Dill Pickles.

Mom and I have arranged a birthday party for you.

That's really sweet, Chip, but you know I told you

I have a date with my DVDs tonight.

We're just...

spending some time together.

Oh, yeah, yeah, the DVD thing. Yeah.

That was real?

Okay, listen.

It would mean a lot to me if you would just...

come and see this gift that I've made for you

to get you out of your-your doldrums.

Come on.

Keep walking. Follow my voice.

- Good, good, good, good. There you go. - Okay. Okay.

Oh, you're gonna turn, take right here, take a right.

Okay.

Hey, Chip, this is really nice,

but I'd still like to be home by 7:00, okay?

Yeah, we'll get you fed, and you can see my new character,

- and then you go back to being sad. - Oh, sorry.

- Chip. - Come on, this way.

Come on, come on, come on. Step, step, step.

- Good, good, good. There we go. - Okay.

Oh. Sorry.