Parks and Recreation

- ANN PERKINS, WHAT'S HAPPENING, SWEETHEART?

JUST, UH, WAITING FOR APRIL.

SHE'S TAKING CARE OF MY HOUSE WHILE I'M AWAY.

- THAT'S GREAT. HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE'S DAY.

- VALENTINE'S DAY WAS A MONTH AGO.

WHY ARE YOU GIVING IT TO ME NOW?

- WHATEVER. HAPPY EARLY VALENTINE'S DAY.

I SAW THIS AND I THOUGHT OF YOU.

HOPE YOU KEEP THAT SOMEWHERE SPECIAL.

- OKAY, THIS IS ONE OF THOSE NANNY CAM TEDDY BEARS, ISN'T IT?

- WHAT? NO!

IT'S A REGULAR CAMERA-LESS TEDDY BEAR.

JUST PUT IT IN YOUR BEDROOM, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

IT'S A ROBOT BEAR. IT'S PROGRAMMED TO SNUGGLE.

I'LL TAKE IT.

- DONNA, THERE'S A CAMERA IN IT.

I KNOW.

*

- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S BASICALLY IT.

WATER THE PLANTS, GET THE MAIL--

CAN I READ YOUR MAIL?

NO, PLEASE DON'T.

FINE.

OH, AND, UM...

HERE ARE THE KEYS, AND REMEMBER--

- I KNOW, DON'T LET TOM MAKE A COPY.

THAT'S RIGHT, GOOD.

I'M PAYING APRIL 50 BUCKS TO WATCH MY HOUSE WHILE I'M AWAY.

I WOULD HAVE ASKED LESLIE,

BUT I'VE SEEN THE WAY SHE TAKES CARE OF HER HOUSE.

PLUS, THERE'S ALWAYS BEEN

A LITTLE DISTANCE BETWEEN ME AND APRIL.

AND I THOUGHT THIS WOULD MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW,

GIVE US A CHANCE TO GET A LITTLE CLOSER,

MAYBE EVEN--

I DON'T LIKE ANN.

BECOME FRIENDS.

WHO KNOWS?

- LESLIE, THIS IS EVELYN ROWSHLIND

FROM THE MAYOR'S OFFICE.

- OH, HELLO, I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF YOU.

- EXCUSE ME? - MEETING YOU.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? HAVE A SEAT.

- UH, I PREFER TO STAND. - OKAY.

- I HAVE KIND OF AN ODD FAVOR TO ASK.

MAYOR GUNDERSON WAS PLAYING GOLF LAST WEEK

AT PAWNEE MUNICIPAL, AND HE BROUGHT HIS DOG--

RUFUS.

WE ALL KNOW RUFUS. EVERYBODY LOVES RUFUS.

HE'S A GREAT DOG. CONTINUE.

- WELL, UH, THEY WERE OUT ON THE SIXTH HOLE

WHEN SUDDENLY, OUT OF NOWHERE--

- RUFUS WAS BITTEN BY A POSSUM?

- YES, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?

- IT WAS FAIRWAY FRANK.

FAIRWAY FRANK IS THIS AWFUL POSSUM

WHO LIVES NEAR THE SIXTH HOLE OF THE PUBLIC GOLF COURSE.

AND HE'S ACTUALLY NUMBER THREE ON THE PARKS DEPARTMENT'S

MOST WANTED PESTSLIST.

RIGHT BEHIND THE BATS WHO LIKE TO POOP ON THE BELL TOWER,

AND POOPY, THE RACCOON WHO POOPS

ALL OVER THE HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA.

- SHOULDN'T YOU TAKE THIS UP WITH ANIMAL CONTROL?

- LET'S BE HONEST, ANIMAL CONTROL IS NOT

THE MOST EFFECTIVE BRANCH OF OUR GOVERNMENT.

- THEY'RE A BUNCH OF BURNED-OUT MORONS.

- WELL, YOU HAVE THE REPUTATION

AS A PERSON WHO GETS THINGS DONE.

SO WE'D LIKE YOU TO FORM A LITTLE TASK FORCE,

FIND THE ANIMAL, AND PUT IT DOWN.

TASK FORCE?

NEEDLESS TO SAY,

THE MAYOR WILL BE VERY GRATEFUL FOR YOUR HELP.

- MA'AM, THE NEXT TIME WE SPEAK,

WE SHALL BE DANCING ON THE GRAVE OF A POSSUM.

GREAT.

RON WILL SHOW YOU AROUND.

- UM, RIGHT THIS WAY IS THE EXIT.

YO, POLICE.

- AH, HA HA, NO, YOU'RE NOT.

COFFEE?

YUP.

- YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO BRING ME.

- I ONLY EVER BRING YOU COFFEE.

- AND IT IS MY VERY FAVORITE NON-ALCOHOLIC HOT DRINK,

EXCEPT FOR HOT TEA.

AND HOT ORANGE JUICE, WEIRDLY DELICIOUS.

ANYWAYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I NEEDED IT.

I GOT A REALLY BAD CASE OF SHOE SHINE HEAD TODAY.

- ANDY RECENTLY DIAGNOSED HIMSELF

WITH WHAT HE CALLS "SHOE SHINE HEAD."

IT'S WHEN YOU SHINE TOO MANY SHOES

AND THE FUMES CREATE

A THUNDERSTORM IN YOUR BRAIN.

CURES INCLUDE COFFEE, CHEESEBURGERS,

AND NAPPING ON THE FLOOR.

MARK BRENDANAWICZ.

- HEY, RON. WHAT'S UP?

I HAVE A WOOD SHOP

AND I'M PLANNING A LITTLE EXPANSION.

NEED MY BUDDY MARK, THE CITY PLANNER,

TO SIGN OFF ON THE PLANS.

- SURE, I JUST NEED TO SCHEDULE AN INSPECTION.

- THAT'S NOT REALLY NECESSARY.

- YES, IT IS, BUT YOU'LL BE FINE

AS LONG AS YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CODE VIOLATIONS.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY CODE VIOLATIONS, DO YOU?

NOPE.

EUGENE!

BOY, WE HAVE A REALLY IMPORTANT JOB FOR YOU.

- WE'LL GET TO IT FIRST THING MONDAY.

TODAY'S WEDNESDAY.

LOOK, THIS IS NOT A REQUEST.

- WE'RE ACTING UNDER DIRECT ORDERS

FROM MAYOR GUNDERSON'S DOG.

OFFICE.

I NEED YOUR TWO BEST GUYS TO JOIN ME

AND BE PART OF MY TASK FORCE.

- THAT WOULD BE HARRIS AND BRETT.

BUT THEY'RE NOT HERE.

ISN'T THAT THEM THERE?

NOPE.

HEY, BRETT.

- YEAH. - DUDE!

- LISTEN, THAT STUPID POSSUM IS ON THE GOLF COURSE AGAIN.

WOULD YOU RATHER I CAPTURE IT MYSELF

AND THEN JUST CALL YOU SO YOU CAN COME AND PICK IT UP?

OKAY.

HEY, GUYS.

AW, COOL! HEY, YOU WANT YOUR BALL BACK?

WANT YOUR BALL BACK? COME WITH ME.

AW, MAN.

- HOW YOU KNOW MY NAME, HOMIE?

- STOP, MAN. - STOP HANGING YOURSELF.

I'M GONNA HANG YOURSELF.

STOP HANGING YOURSELF.

- QUITE A CRACK TEAM YOU'VE ASSEMBLED, LESLIE.

- YEAH, WELL THERE'S FIVE OF US AND ONLY ONE POSSUM.

HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

- EXCUSE US, TASK FORCE COMING THROUGH.

TASK FORCE CLEAR, RESUME GOLFING.

- I USED TO LOVE TIGER WOODS

BECAUSE HE WAS A GREAT CHAMPION.

BUT AFTER THAT SEX SCANDAL, THE MAN IS A GOD.

- HEY, MARK. WELCOME TO MY HAVEN.

THANK YOU.

- YOU'RE THE FIRST NON-ME TO SET FOOT

IN THIS BUILDING IN TEN YEARS.

- UM, RON, NONE OF THIS IS UP TO CODE.

- SURE IT IS. IT'S UP TO THE SWANSON CODE.

THERE'S NO DRAINAGE,

DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANY VENTILATION,

YOU'VE GOT HAZARDOUS CHEMICALS OVER HERE.

- YEAH, WHICH ONLY I AM BREATHING.

IT'S THE SAME LIBERTY THAT GIVES ME

THE RIGHT TO FART IN MY OWN CAR.

ARE YOU GONNA TELL A MAN

THAT HE CAN'T FART IN HIS OWN CAR?

- THERE IS A BASKET OF OIL-SOAKED RAGS

ABOVE A WOOD BURNING STOVE.

- OH, GOOD THING I'VE GOT A FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

WHICH, I CAN ASSURE YOU,

IS TOTALLY UP TO YOUR PRECIOUS CODE.

- UM, THIS SAYS IT SHOULD BE RECHARGED JUNE OF 1996.

THOSE DATES ARE ARBITRARY.

THEY'RE LIKE THOSE EXPIRATION DATES THAT THE GOVERNMENT

FORCES COMPANIES TO PUT ON YOGURT AND MEDICINE.

OBSERVE. WATCH YOURSELF.

YEAH.

OKAY, I'LL REPLACE THIS.

HAPPY?

- HOW LONG DO YOU THINK

IT WOULD TAKE ME TO LEARN GOLF, LESLIE?

- I COULD TEACH YOU. I HAVE A 16 HANDICAP.

BUT YOU KNOW, IT TAKES A LOT OF PRACTICE.

YOU HAVE TO GET UP EARLY, HIT THE RANGE,

PRACTICE READING GREENS.

- SEE, I DON'T WANNA DO ALL THAT.

I THINK I JUST WANT SOME OF THOSE DOPE PANTS.

OH MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD, IT'S FAIRWAY FRANK!

WOW, OKAY, UM... ALL RIGHT, TOM?

I WANT YOU TO VERY SLOWLY--

25, 26, 27, 28 VIOLATIONS.

- COME ON, BRENDANAWICZ. RELAX.

LET ME MAKE YOU A CANOE.

- UH, WELL, I DON'T NEED A CANOE, RON.

I NEED YOU TO FIX THIS PLACE UP.

SO... I'LL GIVE YOU 24 HOURS.

- OKAY, WE MAY ONLY GET ONE CHANCE TO CATCH THIS THING,

SO WE HAVE TO PLAY IT SMART.

YOU TWO FLANK THE LEFT, I'LL FLANK THE RIGHT,

ANDY WILL COME IN THROUGH--

- ANDY! - I GOT IT.

OH, MY--

- HA HA! I GOT HIM.

- TASK FORCE! ENGAGE!

- HE'S GOT IT. - I GOT HIM.

HE'S GOOD.

- COME ON, YOU COWARDS!