Work in Progress

Previously on Work in Progress.

You're suicidal?

This bitch at work, she's like,

"I went to Costco and got you almonds."

Almonds were what pushed me over the edge.

This is my sister's number.

Can I buy you a drink sometime?

I'm a trans man.

That's Julia Sweeney.

Hi, Abby.

You just ate a day of my life.

You're gonna have to explain that to me.

- - I killed my therapist!

Are you fucking kidding me?

- Hi. - Hi.

I thought you died.

I didn't.

Thank you for not dying.

- My pleasure. -

- I bored you last night. - You did not bore me!

But you fell asleep.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Then I'm really sorry. - Why?

It's super rude to fall asleep when someone else is talking.

If it makes you feel any better,

you were talking.

While I fell asleep?

Oh Jesus.

- Yeah, it, like, makes me feel a little better. -

Is your Lyft almost here?

Yeah, Tina is arriving in one minute.

- Okay, in that case... -

- I just really wanted to do that. - I'm glad.

What?

I all of a sudden have this fear

that I'm standing in dog poop.

- Okay, let me look... - Okay.

No, oh gosh, please don't look down!

- Okay. - Okay?*

- Why? - I don't want your last vision of me

to be me in my Crocs standing in dog poop.

- You're wearing Crocs. - Okay, I don't think that's the issue right now,

can we just say don't look down?

- All right, I'll talk to you later? - Yeah, yeah, eyes up here, okay?

When you turn around, look here, okay?

- Bye. - Bye.

Eyes up, look up!

Look!

I mean, you could look a little.

- _ -

Ooh, break away, let's do this, let's do this, break away!

Let's move it, Blue, move it, move it, move it!

- Look alive! - Matty, come on!

Those are for the kids.

Uh, Mike just gave it to me, okay?

There's like 36 in there, there's 14 kids on the field.

Honey, you have to have enough for siblings.

I'm a sibling.

Oh, ooh, look at the ball!

So, what, did you just go up to her and were like,

"Hey, Julia Sweeney, you're an asshole.

You ruined my life!"

No, I fainted at her.

Uh, Meg, will you help Aunt Abby with her juice bag?

Uh, never say juice bag again.

And, Meg, thank you, thank you so much.

Mm-hmm, so, uh, how was the rest of your date?

Actually, um, the date was really cool.

- Great! - And he said he wanted to hang out again,

so he was gonna text me,

but he hasn't yet, so I wanna change the subject right now, okay?

I'm confused about this new person you're dating.

That's a surprise.

- Can I ask a question? - Yeah.

Uh, before you do, uh, may I please remind you,

it is not the job of the queer community, in this case me,

to teach the straight cis community, in this case, this,

something that they could easily learn in a public library,

or Google, my God, Mike, would it kill you to read a book?

Stick with it, stick with it, Blue,

- you got this! Come on, come on! - That being said...

- What's your question? - Yeah, I'm good.

Go Matty!

Did you see them?

Kiwi? These bougie fuckin' kids, my God!

Fuck!

_

I don't know why we aren't allowed to talk about this.

What're you talking about? We are talking about this.

Sidebar, what is that face?

- What face? - This face!

Campbell, there's dog hair everywhere!

Uh, yeah, I have a dog.

Yeah, no shit, but do you have a brush?

Or could you maybe get a pet vac?

- Could you maybe get a driver's license? - Okay, you know what, that is not fair.

I can't because I'm physically unable.

All right, mentally!

I'm mentally unable, it is the same diff!

Look, you're just bein' an asshole

because you want me to dish about Chris.

Yeah, dish, bitch!

- Okay. - Okay.

Okay, well, just ask me what you wanna ask.

Okay, well, first question:

I guess you're not a lesbian anymore?

Jesus Christ, I was already not a lesbian!

- Uh, it's a valid question. - I'm a queer dyke!

- Lesbians are old women! - I'm a lesbian.

- Exactly! -

Burn!

You're so burned!

Okay, all right, fine,

so you're a queer dyke dating a man.

A trans man, yes.

- Yeah, well, in my book... - Ooh, now you have a book?

- That's rich! - Oh, you know what, I should!

- It would be good, I'd buy that book. - That makes one of us.

Oh, come on, you'd buy my book.

No, I wouldn't.

Know what I'd do? I'd wait for you to give me a copy,

I'd tell you I'd read it, and then I'd slap it on my shelf

and leave it there because that is what I do with books.

All right, well, good to know.

Oh, thank God we're here.

Okay, we're not done with this conversation.

No, I know, but you're coming in with me, right?

To your dead therapist's funeral?

- Ew! - Campbell, come on!

I don't like therapists, I don't like funerals.

For me, please, dude, please?

- No, get out of my car. - Oh my God.

Have fun.

Thank you all for coming to celebrate the life

of a beloved friend, wife, leader, messenger of hope.

A passage from Thomas Dyja's The Third Coast

told the story of Buckminster Fuller's

- satori moment. - Excuse me, so sorry.

- Oh jeez, sorry... - Where he stood on the rocky shore

- of Lake Michigan... - Excuse me, sorry.

- Contemplating taking -

- his own life. - Sorry, sorry, excuse me.

- Sorry. -

In his despair, he paused, a thought

- forming in his head. -

You do not have the right to eliminate yourself.

You do not belong to you, you belong to the universe.

We are now going to share the peace.

Oh no.

This is a moment in our service

where we greet and open ourselves up

to other members of the congregation,

exchanging wishes of hope, love,

- and optimism. - Hi.

Hi.

Hi, Dr. Franklin.

I'm sorry you died.

But you look really good.

Your partner picked a beautiful picture of you,

it, like, looks just like you.

Listen to this.

Right after you died, I went out to lunch with Alison.

We were waited on by, like, the hottest waiter in the world,

and he called me and we went on a date!

Yeah, him, he's a trans man, we're gonna table that for later.

He's just like this super-confident, sexy guy

and I wanna be confident!

You know, I wanna be like one of those strong women who's like,

"Yeah, so what, I'm fuckin' fat,

I'm still worth it. And, like, "Fuck you and what you think!"

But I wasn't like that at all, I wasn't confident.

He was like, "I need to use your bathroom,"

and you know what? He didn't, it was pretty baller.

When I told him all about

how I was planning to kill myself and the almonds,

and then he stayed? We talked all night

and fell asleep and did stuff over the clothes.