Whitstable Pearl

Draw your swords.

Charge your pikes!

Muskets stand ready.

Give fire.

Stand.

Medic! Medic!

Medic!

*WHITSTABLE PEARL* Season 01 Episode 03

Episode Title: "Civil War" Aired on: May 31, 2021.

I, uh, I got you this.

Thank you.

You alright?

Chief Inspector Mike McGuire.

This is Sergeant Nikki Martel.

Uh, Keith Boyle.

I'm an accountant.

Talk us through what happened.

1648, the second English Civil War,

the king was in the tower...

Today, Keith.

What happened today?

Sorry. Sorry.

I've no idea.

We take every precaution during musket fire.

Every precaution.

Now, w-we do use real gunpowder.

- Real gunpowder? - Well, of course.

But we stuff the barrels with toilet paper.

And the cannons?

Same.

We take every precaution.

Yeah, more toilet paper.

Right, the victim?

The Earl of Norwich.

Sorry, Brian Armstrong.

Uh, former DCI Brian Armstrong.

He was... He was one of yours.

Um, that's his wife, Heidi, over there.

He only retired last month.

This was their first event.

.338 Lapua magnum?

Yes, sir.

That's not from a musket.

Sniper rifle casings.

Yeah.

So the shooter waited for the actors

to fire their muskets and then...

Bang, bang. Two shots.

One to the head, one to the chest.

Sound got lost in the musket fire.

Right, send the lover's army home.

This was a professional job.

We're looking for a hit man.

And whoever hired him.

Brian's ex-police.

40-year career.

It's a lot of arrests.

A lot of suspects.

Hmm.

You're gonna say it's the wife.

Was it too obvious?

- Too cliched. - Nah.

Male know-it-all cop makes misogynistic assumption.

She was smiling.

- She was in shock. - And drinking tea.

She changed her clothes.

People react in different ways.

When your partner gets their head blown off,

you scream and shout and cry your eyes out,

you don't drink tea.

The case of the stolen garden umbrella has been solved.

Were the victims right?

Oh, well, they blamed the Ramonas next door.

And?

On the night of the disappearance, Hurricane Norman.

Not much more than a gust of wind

by the time it reached us,

but enough to blow an unweighted umbrella all the way to Europe.

To Europe.

Oh, I know. The irony.

Disappearing umbrellas.

Not exactly cutting-edge detective work, is it?

Well, if you can't be a cop,

the least you can do is to date one.

Oh, very progressive.

And it's not a date.

It's not. It's dinner with a friend.

Dinner with a single male friend.

It's not a date.

So freeborn Nathanial Pimm gave you his card?

I asked for it.

Yeah, looks like a laugh.

Civil War re-enactment?

Sad loners playing dress-up.

Oh, and your life's just one big A-list party.

So back to the Bates Motel?

Some of us are going for a pint if you want to come.

No, I can't. I'm, uh...

Oh, hold up, don't tell me you've actually got plans?

Just meeting someone for a drink.

- Like a date? - It's not a date.

Sounds like a date.

It's no big deal.

- Alright? - Hiya.

- Two Oyster Stouts, please. - Two Oysters?

Yeah.

They're not both for me, by the way.

Are you drawing me?

Well, can you not?

Why?

Because it's weird.

It's Whitstable.

Come on then, let's see it.

- It's not finished. - Let's have a look.

What the...?

Aw.

What the...?

It's actually quite good.

Well, 50 quid, a new top, and it's yours.

It's not that good.

Uh.

Alright, guv?

So, we've had three different women come to the station.

Brian was sleeping with all of them.

They're gutted. Shouting, check.

Screaming, check. Tears, check.

None of them wanted a cup of tea.

They're all certain that Brian was going to leave Heidi,

and they all think that she had him killed.

Uh.

Heidi?

Brian was police for a long time.

He made a lot of enemies.

It made him a target.

When I got home, our house felt different.

I know what you're going to say.

Everything's going to feel different now.

It wasn't that.

Someone had been inside.

Well, how could you tell?

It was...

too tidy.

My clothes weren't hanging in the right order.

The window in the bathroom was open.

I'd shut it.

I know it.

What if they're after me too?

Then you should go to the police.

Brian was cheating on me.

The police think I did it.

We've known each other since cooking class.

I had high hopes for this place.

You'd just opened your B&B.

We wanted to learn some gourmet recipes.

Hmm, and rinse the DFLs.

Remember how I couldn't bring myself to boil that lobster?

I know you didn't kill Brian, Heidi.

Find out who did.

And if I'm next.

Big brother's watching.

I'm glad.

Okay. Right.

Okay.

- Ready? - Yeah.

God.

Ohh. Ohh, Heidi.

Love, it's gonna be alright.

Honestly, it's gonna be alright.

Okay?

Heidi Armstrong hired me.

Is this why you wanted to meet?

I thought...

What?

That you wanted to talk about last night.

- You stood me up. - It wasn't like that.

You changed your mind.

Admit it.

Alright, I did, alright?

No, but I changed it back again.

I did show up.

When?

I was late.

Really late.

Listen, we think Heidi hired someone to shoot Brian.

Keep that nice police pension all to herself.

Heidi made more at her B&B in the summer

than Brian made in his whole career.

Right, well, I'm just saying,

just... keep your distance from her.

She could be dangerous.

She's a sweetheart.

No, she's playing you.

I did a cooking class with her

and she couldn't even boil a lobster.

Just leave this to the professionals, alright?

I know her.

- And you don't. - And I know guilt.

And Heidi's guilty.

Don't be so sure.

"Chief Inspector Brian Armstrong