Darla in Space

Hi. I'm Darla Peterson.

Owner, operator, and bittersweet memory-maker

at Kitty Kasket LLC.

Did you recently lose a loving pet?

Has your feline friend met its fate?

Don't put it in a bag.

Don't put it in the freezer.

Give your pet the burial it deserves,

in a beautiful kitty kasket!

The Kitty Kasket is a fully customizable reminder

to your deceased friend

that they are unique and fabulous

even in the afterlife.

I've started 17 businesses since

graduating college,

and it wasn't until I held my neighbor's dead cat in my arms

that I realized this is the business I was born to run.

But enough about my life.

We're here to talk about your cat's death.

Order now, and you can give your trusty companion

of 12 to 18 years, depending on diet,

The burial it deserves!

When your cat's nine lives are up, you'll be glad you did.

What do you think?

The neighbor boy made this?

We made it together.

This is why my daughter Darla doesn't have any customers.

I'm following a proven business model.

Darla, it's terrible.

What do you think, Mrs. Legitimate CPA?

One: I'm not seeing a 1099 for this neighbor boy.

Is he a freelancer?

The neighbor boy has a name. It's Phil Foss, and he's ten.

And Two: What is the profit margin for an $89.99 casket?

Oh, uh... $14.

Oh, very good.

Okay, so if I punch in this,

Can you put that back, please.

And if I do this

It appears that you have a tax bill of...

$349,000.22.

Uh... That must be wrong.

I really don't think so.

Uh, when is it due?

Well, technically, two months ago,

But you still have one month left in your grace period.

-Okay. -Darla, let's go.

-The meeting- -Darla I'm starving.

All right, umm...

Congratulations on closing out your fiscal year.

Thank you.

Mom? Mom!

Listen, I may have placed some unfortunate

investments that did not pan out

and may have placed the burden of that debt

onto your business.

But you filed the additional paperwork to make

Kitty Kasket LLC an LLP, right?

What's the difference again?

An LLC protects against personal liability

and an LLP protects each member of the possible,

or in this case, very real negligence

of the other members of the company.

I will get us out of this mess!

Please open the door.

But we're not finished...

Open the door, Darla!

In spite of what you think Mom

Kitty Kasket is important to me.

You know, we had almost 20 customers last month Mom.

And all those customers, they put their trust in me

during a very vulnerable time in their life.

Darla I really wish you hadn't made an appointment

with that accountant.

I'm a professional business lady Mom.

This independent thinking of yours today?

It doesn't suit you. Not at all.

Well, that's--

Oh, yeah, your lunch is in the back.

Okay, sweetie, eat up. Let me see you smile.

Give Mommy a smile.

One: Arnot Pickens is a very busy man.

Do not interrupt his important work.

Mr. Pickens I got an offer...

Two: Arnot Pickens knows you are my daughter

and that you are filling in for me this week.

Three: Arnot Pickens accepts only

The Figure Eight Mopping Maneuver.

Consult Handbook.

Four: Tomatoes promote fallopian health, Darla!

Okay, that's lunch.

Five: If you hear a voice...

from inside the shipping container...

Ignore it!

Ah!

Ugh!

Hello Darla Peterson.

Hello? Darla Peterson.

Darla Peterson, down here.

Are you talking to me?

Your name is Darla Peterson, is it not?

Uh...

But are you actually talking to me or

can I just hear you in my head?

I do not understand.

You don't have a mouth...

or vocal cords.

I am actually talking to you.

So can anyone hear you?

I don't know.

Sorry for stepping on you.

Hey, hold on.

Would you like an orgasm Darla Peterson?

Lie in the tub and drape me over you.

I have to be going now.

It was nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you, too.

Oh, Mr. Pickens, your, your ice cream it's...

Oh,

It's all over my pants.

What a diabolical waste.

Your feet are wet.

Yes, I uhhh...the U-bend...

There was a major blockage in the U-bend,

but I fixed it, so I was just drying off.

It's fixed, it's all fixed.

Yeah. Should use a figure-eight maneuver.

Oh, I that's-

A figure-eight maneuver.

That's the only way I clean a floor.

Don't touch any more of my stuff.

I'm kidding.

Darla Peterson,

put me in your thermos and take me with you.

"No, no...no Dieter no."

"Dr. St. Clair you've got to hurry..."

"If you don't stabilize his aortic valve

we're going to lose him."

"Dr. St. Clair!"

"I'm trying to help you Dieter!

"And now, a word from our sponsors."

"After a long day of zoological happenings,"

"I need something to wet my whistle."

"Moca Mola."

"Decent, since 1962."

By now you've learned that saying,'Yeah, Ok',

leads to opportunities.

Now it is time to apply the principles

to more challenging situations, ones

that unnerve and titillate, even excite you.

Oh, yes.

In chapter four, we examine case studies

of people who said, 'Yeah, Ok'

to a variety of strange propositions.

Are you ready to say, 'Yeah, Ok'

to...your life?

Bailey, while I have you...

Is there any chance that you're squirreling away some money?

A few hundred thousand?

It wouldn't...no.

It would be a loan. I would pay you back.

Gosh, thanks for your confidence in me.

I'm not going to take any of your money.

I was simply asking.

It's fine. We don't have to talk about money ever again.

If numbers can be irrational and imaginary,

then so can you.

Okay, Look at this.

This particular carburetor...

This one...contains three grams platinum in it,

the most valuable element on Earth.

Between the two of us,

we spend 6 hours a night casing the neighborhood

for carburetors to remove.

And in the next 3 to 4 weeks, voila, we'll have enough money

to save your little business.

Can you just say,

'I messed up Darla, and I'm sorry.'

Mom, this is Rheumacore.

You're the one with arthritis.

Oh, which reminds me, pick up my prescriptions

after work, please darling?

-Yeah, ok! -Ok.

BYE!

What's wrong with you now?

I got you the expensive, organic shit, didn't I?

Oh, my God.

You're not dead, are you?

Mother?

Oh, nooooo.

Oh, please don't be dead, Mother.

Darla.

Good morning, Mr. Pickens.

A leak sprang up overnight.

Would you take care of that, please?

Right away.

Okay, that's lunch...

little Leona.

Why is Arnot keeping you in here?

He wants me to grant him eternal life.